What to tell kids when ex doesn't pay support?

Help - I'm in a major financial hole because my ex (our divorce was final in February) has not paid any of his child support or spousal support since the judgement. I know that the state will eventually garnish his wages, but that could be several months away. In the meantime, I am flat broke. I've cut back every way that I possibly can and now I'm going to have to cut into the things for the kids (competitive sports that they have worked hard in for years, cell phones, cable tv, etc.) Yes, these things may seem like luxuries, but the kids have always had a pretty good lifestyle and they are used to them. My problem is that I understand the need to not to speak negatively of the other parent. The kids have an idea that he doesn't pay like he is supposed to, but I haven't spoke with them about it directly. They already have a rocky relationship with their dad and this is going to make it much, much worse. They would be VERY angry at him. Part of me feels like that is his problem, but part of me knows that it is terrible for them to feel that way about a parent. I don't give a crap about protecting my ex, but I will do whatever I need to to protect my kids. I'd appreciate hearing from others in a similar situation. What do you tell the kids?

PS: I meant it when I said that I've already cut back in every possible way. Nothing left to trim.

by THISwillEnd 117 Posts
Posted on 3/25/2009 1:03 PM

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Tags: child support , deadbeat dad , kids

Answers for "What to tell kids when ex doesn't pay support?" (5) (You must be logged in to answer)

Thanks everyone. I will not tell the kids. I'll figure it out on my own. By the way - the paper work has been sent in and his wages will be garnished - supposedly it take 90 days, though. Oh well, compared to everything else, 90 days isn't all that long. And I'm starting really like beans and Ramon noodle soup.
I guess the best revenge will be to say and do nothing (except through the courts, which I will go ahead with full steam). He probably like to see me squirm.

by THISwillEnd 117 Posts
Posted on 3/25/2009 3:24 PM

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I understand your situation and I can totally empathize.

paula's right. Look at child upport as a bonus. That's what I do. It's few and far between, so I can't depend on it. When it does come, it's a "special treat". I have structured mine and the kids' lifestyles so that we can live without my ex's help. It's what I had to do.

I opened a case with my state's child support enforcement division. You can do the same, so that when he IS working, it will be deducted automatically (if you have a witholding order stipulated in your divorce decree). also, you may want to check into federal assistance if you're not able to afford the fundamentals.

Otherwise, live within your means as best you can; as if your ex fell off the face of the earth and you can never expect another check again. (((hugs fom another single mom))))

by marybecca2 807 Posts
Posted on 3/25/2009 3:23 PM

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Definately go to your child support and collection agency and get paperwork started to take him to family court and have his wages garnished. My child support is taken directly from his check every pay period and deposited into my checking account. I'm not sure how it works in your state but here in New York they will start giving you the regular support and an additional amount from arrears until he is caught up on back support that will be awarded.

by SonyaW 2 Posts
Posted on 3/25/2009 3:04 PM

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i totally relate here.

my ex hasn't paid in four years. FOUR! he's professionaly unemployed.

you need to get that paperwork filled out today! if he is working, they will take the money out of his paycheck and penalize him for not paying to date.

as for money. divorce means both lifestyles change...including your kids. it's sad and not fair, but reality. you need to look at that child support as an extra, sadly. if he is already not paying you, he will do this again and again and again. trust me. you need to make enough money to keep your kids in the lifestyle you want them in....and his money should be perks/ or savings for extras.

as for the kids.....don't tell them. serves nothing at all. believe me, i get it. i've blogge about this exact topic a few times here....can't quite figure out how i'm doing my motherly/educational duties if i'm not warning them about their own deadbead dad.....right?

by paula1 12662 Posts
Posted on 3/25/2009 1:11 PM

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Let me clarify something from my question........My judgement was signed in Feb, but the the trial was in December. He attorney kept objecting to the way the judgement was written and wanted to include thing that the judge never said) so I have gotten nothing from him since December...I could handle a month, but not 4 months.

by THISwillEnd 117 Posts
Posted on 3/25/2009 1:09 PM

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