How do you trust again after betrayal?

First of all, I am glad to see you are active in a support group. I wish there were such a thing where I live. My insurance will not pay for my therapist, so I stopped going. I just can't afford it.

I think being in a group setting is a great thing. And being able to talk about these issues is a positive thing.

I went to counseling after my separation to really look at what went wrong and how not to make the same mistakes again in my next relationship. My counselor suggested the same book that lawnguy mentioned, The Gift of Fear. What it boiled down to is I didn't follow my initial instincts about my ex. I broke up with him after a year of dating and he basically stalked me. I thought it was flattering when I should have seen red flags going up all over the place. It is my  hope I can trust again when and if I meet the right person. For the moment my goal is to take care of myself and our kids eventually everything else will fall in place.

I never cheated and neither did she (or at least I didn't know about it) but I do know that I think some women override their instincts when it comes to some men.  The reasons are often not known and don't usually surface unless you go through extensive therapy but usually are tied to bad things happening to them as girls at critical times in their lives by men in caretaker roles, other relatives and neighbors, or by chance.  There is an author by the name of Gavin McCloud who does security professionally who wrote a book called "The Gift of Fear" that talks about re-learning how to trust your instincts.

As a man, I can either choose to be irritated by being judged untrustworthy because of my gender or I can just ignore it.  I learned a long time ago that there just ain't no point in arguing with someone who's mind is already made up about me....for whatever reason.

I do know that there are probably far more men, and women, who are honest, trustworthy, and reliable then not.
My opinion is that if you can't trust anyone then seek help...professional help.  It may be based on traumatic events in your life or it may have biological basis.  I don't reallyu think the world is full of assholes who are bound and determined to have sex with your kids or cheat on you.

While in a previous career I have had offenders tell me that they can zero in on a potential victim just by observing the way she walks.  That's how finely tuned their predatory insincts are.  Learn how to suss out the boys before getting close to them.  Being alone ain't that bad if your dating pool choices are limited.

I was willing to forgive and try and rebuild trust after the discovery of her affair.  After repeated promises of ending it but not following through I can never trust her again.  Someone else?  It could happen with the right person....