HB's looking to produce amateur porn - OMG - what now - Spaz...I need you!

AnaBella72

Go get yourself some help,a place where you can go that is safe emotionally.Get involved with either COSA or sanon.They are support groups for women or men that have or know someone who is a sex addict.They even have online support groups,but just go,None of it has anything to do with spouse,it is all about you! I felt so good knowing that there were people there who knew,understood,and have excellent ways to focus on yourself.It is so easy to obsess about their behavior,that becomes an addiction in itself! I kicked my spouse out and kept thinking he would have some remorse and realize what a huge mistake he had made,NOT!!

When I told him in a nice way that I did not really want to communicate with him anymore and was going to set up guidelines on the only way he could communicate with me because he had wasted enough of my life and I needed my privacy to finally entertain dating  all the guys that  had been pursuing me and I meant it!

2 days later he finally was enlightened on how sick he was and started to tell me everything he was going to do,his plan of action.I interrupted him and told him I did not really want to talk about his problems,he had many opportunities to discuss his problems. You see I know I can not get emotionally invested in someone again who does not recipricate,but told him if he ever got better call me and( he would have to prove it )and then I might reconsider but I would start from ground zero with polygraphs which is not uncommon when dealing with a sex addict,you don't know how risky their behavior gets and you do not want a disease,because when you engage in sexual activty with sluts the odds of getting something goes WAY UP!!! Good luck girlfriend and feel better you will not understand his behavior because you are normal he is not!

Ugggh. The legal system sucks. Justice??? So he can be a total psycho perv, lie, manipulate, cheat and hurt people but he's assumed to be a good dad just bc he fathered a child? Hmmm...something does not sit right with me.
But, I know Spaz is right. I cant keep driving myself bonkers by knowing what he is up to and, once the divorce is final, its non of my biz anyway.  I just pray he has enough sense to keep his garbage away from our son. But what can I do?? According to NY law, not much - his rights are more important than whats right. 
As far as the baby is concerned, I do fear for the baby bc he can be spiteful and mean -  but this is directed towards me, not baby.  Also, he treats me like sh** in front of the baby which bothers me - not that he treats me like sh** but that my baby has to witness it. 
But,I want to do whats right for my baby and, yes, that means sucking it up and trying to facilitate a relationship with dad. I would rather work with him and help him so that I can be assured that the baby is safe in his care. I cant control his behavior. I can only control my own.
I am willing to work with him bc it benefits my baby. I just need him to work with me - and I havent gotten much more than hostiity from him and then knowing what he is up to - this fuels my panic. 
Yes, he's a slimeball. But, this slimeball is my baby's father. I loved him once and as the father of my child, I will always love him in that capacity. But, part of me feels sorry for him. Yes. I feel sorry for him. Ironic isnt it? 
So, sorry for all the drama. 
This garbage reeks of Jerry Springer flavor. I hate that Ive gotten mixed up in it. But, I hope that I can do the best for my kids and not perpetuate more problems.
More updates to come. Bear with me...I panic bc this stiff is so out of my league, but I do come to my senses. 
Thanks all.
ps. I tried that. I still cant mak

[sigh] Yuk!

My problem with this is that you are finding out about his activities in an illegal way. You aren't helping yourself any because none of your findings are admissable. Also, he hasn't DONE anything yet. Like Trisha said, it could just be a way for him to find "easy" women, and if he meets these women while the child is not in his care - it isn't your business nor does it matter in custody - his sex life, as gross as it may be to you - is his private business. The ONLY time it would matter is if he was having sexual relations with someone while the child was in his care, or filing things with the child present. Porn isn't illegal.

Go for the big guns if you want to - but the problem is going to be the same for any attorney - you can't get a judge to rule on things you fear might happen - you have to have a proven (and/or proveable) record of bad behavior while the child is his sole care....you don't have that. All you have is things he's considering doing, on his own time...done on his own time...things he's allowed to do.

Ana - you know he's a horny slimeball - stop going into his e-mail. All you are doing at this point is giving yourself a major anxiety attack.

 

He has rights as a father, overnights are one of them - regardless if the child sleeps through the night or not. You need to send the child on overnights (or even day trips), hire a PI and catch him in the act of doing something stupid to have any bearing on custody.

Your fears he will hurt his child just to spite you - is unfounded and it is your irrational fears getting the absolute best of you. On top of a good attorney if you aren't getting counseling, please do - you can't go into court this much of an over reactive hot mess - you will do more damage to your case than good.

Make a paragraph and hit the enter key - that will give you a hard space between them =)

This is amazingly bad - so sorry!  I have to believe this will not reflect well on him in the eyes of the court

go for the big city lawyer either way.   You do not know what he will do next.   It is obvious that there is something wrong with him.   (maybe he is related to my husband:) ) Your primary concern should be your children and getting them away from his influence.   I know it's hard and scary but how would you manage with him having that kind of power over your children and you with no control over it or not knowing.  Now that is even more scary.

He may not be trying to produce amateur porn. It may just be his way to  meet women and trick them into having sex with him. That still shows what a low life he is.

i am so sorry this is happening to you. and i understand your fears for your baby. evil and sin are like alcohol and drugs. they grew and become worse and you have to have more to satisfy. i hope spaz can offer you some good advise and i am praying for a good outcome for you. with documented items like the ad surely you can at least get supervised visits and no overnights. take care

Sorry - I totally messed the formatting. How do u make breaks????