Co-parenting: Is it possible when Ex resents you for wanting divorce and is acting out?

My ex and I agreed during the Divorce process to keep my daughter (now 7) as our priority and he made good on that promise.     

My therepist said that past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour and my ex was always a great, attentive and very strong male role model for my daughter.  He never, ever allowed her to witness his acting out or sadness or anger at the split so for that I am continually greatful.

Knowing the past behaviour of your ex is your key to "working" with him.     I would suggest to set very strict boundaries (I know easier said than done) with his behaviour towards you first.     Teach what will be tolerated and rewarded and what actions will get the door slammed in his face.      By breaking this down into steps on your part you can teach him what the priorities are and what topics/issues will make all communication with you stop on a dime.      Your consistancy and firm adherence to these boundaries will get you the furtherest in terms of cooperation from him.   This is not to say this isn't very hard to do and very exhausting but given the fact that this is NOT a good man with high standards and control over his anger.  But its what you have to work with.   

Individual counseling (if you haven't already started) will help support you and give you some new tools to deal with your stbx.     He is not a nice person so you will need a tremendous support system to help keep you strong.

I love that you are willing to do whatever you can for the sake and wellbeing of your kids.    You're a good Mom and I wish you a ton of good will.

I have always had the theory like the airlines...put your own oxygen mask on first.  you are no good to your kids if you aren't taking care of you.  Just worry about you, your example, and what you can do.  Believe it or not, kids will come to their own conclusions, but if you continue trying to control it, or make him be somehow different, then you end up joining him in the mud.  Just take care of you!

you have the right mindset...a civil/friendly relationship during and post divorce is key for everyones sake.  but if this person has been abusing you for years, i don't know if its possible to get him to be friendly now.  

one of the results of long standing abuse is that the victims end up enabling the abuser and they constantly try to keep the peace..

maybe it's time you focus on just you and your kids and let some time and space enter this dynamic.

you can't change him. only he can do that.