Biological Father Files for Custody of 1 Year Old He's Only Visited 5 Times?

Thanks for all the feedback, you guys!  It is so appreciated!  I filed for child support when my daughter was 5 months.  So, we did the DNA test then. He moved out of the state just a few weeks afterward.  So, he has been paying child support since then.  About $500/mo.  We cornered him into permitting drug testing by saying we can evidence of his current drug use.  However, our evidence was discovered "surreptitiously" and would not hold up in court.  Basically, it was dozens of emails from him discussing the purchasing and use of pot, as well as, some other hallucinogens.  He even purchased some from the UK over the internet with HIS CREDIT CARD.  Big mistake.  That is obviously on paper for the rest of his life.  So, not a good idea.I would love to take my daughter to see a child psychologist, however, my husband was just cut down to part time and we really dont have enough money to keep our head above water each month.The ex never really lived here.  His primary residence was here, but he was living out of state for his studies and came here for a brief time in the summer and moved directly back out of state to live with his girlfriend.He has just agreed to suspend the overnights, but my husband is suggesting an even shorter visitation period, so as to avoid having her even nap at his parents home.  (That is where she goes when he is here, because he does not have a residence in the state.)It seems like the ex is pretty dedicated to keeping things amicable and has admitted the importance of my daughters emotional health.  So, he isnt pushing back and calling me overemotional, as he suggested before when I was worried about her experiencing unneccesary separation anxiety.  The main thing I see is that this whole thing is all about him bonding with her, not her bonding with him.  Its all very frustrating.  I worked so hard to foster this happy emotionally stable family for her and he see's it and wants to be a part of it now.

How many times exactly has he seen your daughter.  I think that when the visits start back up they should be in a supervised setting.  Possibly supervised by a therapist.  I am a social worker and my job is as a case manager for children in foster care.  If you don't trust him, and there is no bond there I believe that they should be supervised by a therapist.  Children usually do have problems readjusting to going back with the custodial parent after visitation with the bio-parent.  We see it all the time when children who are in foster care have visitation with their bio parent, whose home it was that they were removed from.  Did you go to court to figure out the custody arrangements?  Was that done before he moved out of the area?  Take him back to court.   What do you mean by drug testing?  A DNA test or a UA before a visit?   Is he paying child support?  If not then go to the organization that handles the child support, and request child support.   If he says he's not the father then they will do a paternity test on the baby.  Also see about getting a UA regarding drugs prior to visits.  I would take that to court as well.  Good luck!!! 

I agree with mtnvly on the taking her to a cchild specialized counselor. But have you also considered asking for his visitations to be supervised. You dont have to bad mouth him to the courts or anything but his new found involvment in her life is sure to upset her.  Most of us insitll several routines in our chuildrens lives. Not only does it help things run a bit smoother on our day to day basis but it also offers security  and comfort in the chuildren as well.  Huis presence is  very upsetting to her comfort as far as her day goes. You also want to make sure she is in capable hands.  Unfortunatly then sharing blood dont mean he knows how to properly  care for her.  There is no bond there and he is  just another man.  No love earned or given. Only blood, that makes him a father but not a dad.  Your husband is her dad.   He knows her personality, likes and moods.  Look into all that you can and if he is willing to work with you and your husband great, maybe he grew up and will be another person to love and help protect your child.  If he dont want to meet you in the middle then you got a fight on your hands.
 Another thing,  as stupid as I may sound ....... your new husband has earned his title of daddy.  I am sure he wears that like a badge too.  Let her call her father buy his name.  He felt no obligation to her  till now why make her obligated to him now?   Family is love, not blood! take care and good luck.

No drug charges, but I have a stack of emails from his account that show his ongoing use and purchasing of drugs (even with a credit card via the internet, smart move) after my daughter was born, all the way up until the day of our settlement.  So, my attorney didnt tell him what our evidence was (as it wouldnt hold up in court), but that it was extremely compelling evidence and he would likely lose all custody if it came to light.  So, they caved and accepted the drug testing.  We never had him tested, however, because it was going to be thousands of dollars that we just dont have.I had countless emails with times and dates on them between my husband and I and several of my girlfriends that detail my daughters strange behavior after she returns home.  The ex has finally responded to my husbands previous email about the situation and he admitted that my daughter was starting to act weird towards the end of the weekend and call to mommy.  (information he should have told us when he dropped her off).  So, he has agreed to suspend overnights until he moves back here.The truth is that I just dont see a need for him at all.  Charlotte has a much more kind and affectionate father already.  He is so much more intuitive and never uses Charlotte to make himself feel better, its always about helping her to learn and grow.  The ex takes 5 days to respond to emails about her emotional health.  I foresee nothing but heartache for her if he is part of her life.  I am so frustrated because I feel like its my job to protect her from the ex.  Thanks so much for your insight and advice!

I would first document all the things you say she is dealing with since she has been seeing him. Note the changes in her good and bad. Date it as much as you can. Then I would find a counselor that deals with young children and take her there. Make sure this person knows upfront there may be court tesitmony involved. Document any contact including calls etc to show how much time he has or has not spent trying to relate to her.
Most of the time custody for young children is given to mom. If there is a dispute then they may visit both homes- and see what is provided. I am not sure there is an issue of custody yet unless he can prove he can provide a better home and he is believed. He may be awarded more visitation but if you can show te judge that it is harmful to her then you should be ok.
You said he has agreed to drug testing? Does he have charges or anything of the such that could show the judge it may be harmful for her to go there? That should at least limit his time with her , maybe you need to push for supervised visits.
My guess is your husband is right. Maybe he has seen that he needs to spend time with her- maybe time with her will be good for him too. Sometimes that will straighten up people - I know when I got pregnant with my oldest I grew up and took responsibility for my actions. I was 18.
Keep us posted- do your research for your state to see what you can do.
If he does straighten himself out and try to be her dad- in the long run it may be good for her.