Help with my fourth kid! (wife)

Well hello and thanks for reading. My wife is my fourth child.  We have been together for 12 years, married for 3. (Did it for the kids, mistake) and the last 8 mos have been pretty bad.  I am a truck driver and for the last 10 years I have been away most of the week. So I never really saw the everyday goings on.  When I was home, I tried to get things straightened out to where I felt they should be and that never worked. Anyway, 8 mos ago I got a job where I am home every day. Work nights. So I see how the house is run and the kids are reprimanded and what rules she keeps and it is crazy! She told me 8 mos ago that she wanted to seperate then 2 days later said we can't do it financially. I told her she needed to get a job. She got the job she wanted after 7 mos. I took up sleeping in the basement full time. I told her I was not giving her any money anymore not getting a phone for her, hoping that would motivate her. No luck because.....her mother got it all for her. Her mother in addition to watching our kids during the day  cleans the litter boxes, does laundry and dishes.She has been doing this for our whole relationship. She never ever lets her daughter really deal with life. I took over the bills 4 mos ago. Surprise every one was  at least one month late. She cannot stay in a budget. I took over the shopping. She does not call or hardly talk to me at all and never mind the loving. That happens maybe, once a month. I keep telling myself I'm not gonna do it and I always fold. So I am screaming out here, please has anyone dealt with this situation? I want to divorce but financially can't do it. Her mother said she had offered her money to get an apartment and my wife bailed on it. She has told me she doesn't want the house but she won't leave. We have been to 2 different counselors and no change. Phew! Help!