Sexless

Four years plus is way too long. I am not sure how long a person can go withouth sex in a marriage. But cheating does not sound like the right thing to do at the time. One night stand would not help you feel better either.

My stbxh decided he would rather be my room mate than my husband a looong time ago! I figured he was probably cheating on me....but never found any evidence he was.


I just blocked it out of my mind ...although it was hard not to cheat...I had many opportunities to do so. I was not into one night stands and also worried about std's, aids...etc. So time just passes and after awhile you don't think about it...too much. :)


Now that he is almost out of my life...if the opportunity presented itself - I am still worried about std's and aids....how do you ask someone for a current blood test?

4 years....... OUCH.   
  I dont know what to say.
 Cheating is wrong.    To with hold sex is also wrong. She has become your roomate at some point.  You sound  like you are at the breaking point. Have you ever confronted her on the issue?  If you havent, I think you should and you are entitled to an answer.  There are some people ut there that dont like sex at all.  For what ever reasons they think it is dirty. Even in a marital relationship. There are some that that go through a change after the kids are born and sadly there are some that like sex alot but not with thier spouses.  You need to find out what catagory you are in and take it from there.   GOOD LUCK and take care.

hmmm...that sounds like the other post... what was it?... i just posted there i think yesterday... 2much do you remember? not my post *laughs* but title?
anyways... eman.... L O N G... as the days pass, they turn into weeks, months and next thing ya' know, it's a year... or few... many here stuck, and stick it up, for the kids...  i did... and although i thought about it ALL the time, i don't regret staying put...

My husband turned me down for years. He called me a nyphomaniac and said i needed to see a doctor to curb my sex drive. SOme truth in that, but he  stopped initiating years ago. I let him go for over a year! Yikes! Several times a day is good for me. After all that, HE cheated on me. What an ass. I'm assuming you've tried all the romantic things, you know, sending the kids to someone else's house for the night, making her dinner, running a bubble bath, seducing her, spending the first night you do that just cuddling, work up to sex, talking to her and trying to see what she wants. If you've done all that and aren't getting any, get a divorce. I wish I had sooner. I wish I'd discovered this site sooner. There is something seriously wrong with a man who doesn't want to have sex with his wife. That started right at the beginning, and I foolishly thought it would get better. It didn't. Needless to say, I'm now making up for lost time, but with a man in a relationship, not empty sex. That said, I get a lot of attention everywhere I go. The real kicker? My husband married me because he wanted a trophy wife, you know, arm candy. I thought he loved me. 

One last thing. Don't cheat. Get a divorce, but don't cheat. You have no idea how horrible that is for the person you're cheating on. I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. Be honest and go. It isn't good for the kids to see a bad marriage or to see that it's ok to have someone treat you badly. I stayed because I didn't think I deserved better. I saw my parent's marriage, which was bad, and thought I had to stick it out. I had a lot of men asking me out the whole time I was married, but never cheated. Wish I had since he did it to me, but don't want to be that person.

I hear you, Eman.  My kids are the reason it's going on ten years for me.  But the last is almost out of school, and I can see light at the end of the tunnel.  I just hope it's not another train. ;)

You kids will hurt if you continue in a bad relationship.  I think my kids knew it was time for me to move on when I left.  They are doing okay with everything.  I'm not saying they are great- but the tension in the house was so great- everyone was affected.

i think at some point you say "Im having sex with or without you.  I prefer it was with you, but I am at the point where if you arent 'there,' I am moving on."  yes, you can go a very long time, but you dont have too!!!!!!

Ambivalent, those are hard words but you might be right. either i need to find someone to love me for me or i just need to get out. i just can not stand the pain i will bring to my kids

Greatdad lol you just made me laugh. thank you

I'd stay away from hollow relationships. If you need something more than your self then you not closing your eyes hard enough.

Just to go have sex for sex is meaningless and you won't feel any better for it! When the right person comes, you have feelings for and they you, then it's right! Trust me you can go a very long time and survive!

Noone is saying that you can not physically withstand not getting any for years on end...But should he? Should anyone? There is no justification barring injury or terminal illness to go that long. No one should "have" to go that long. There are going to be those that say you should continue to live in misery because you are "married" please. She's disrespected you almost half a decade. Go do your thing man. No woman worth keeping will put you through four years of no sex. I understand your pain you have kids so you feel you have to work with what you been given but believe me she has left you with your dick in your hand years ago. Let her ass go!!! Your sanity depends on it.

BUT I NEED SOMETHING MORE THEN MY SELF.

I agree with 2much. You can go for a long, long time without sex. Many many years without it.

Believe me, you can go a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time if you have to.

i hope she is not getting it some where else. but i am well past my point!

Four years!!!! Either she is getting it somewhere else or she just doesn't care about your needs.  Either way go have fun with no regrets!!! She may even wake up. Dude, I went 18 months so I understand. Oh yeah you might want to throw in a divorce for GP. Don't continue to deny your needs.

As long as you have to I guess.  The hollow sex just isn't worth it.  Sure it fills one need but then it just creates others.

Hang in there...

fyi its been 4 yeasr 8/14/04

A long time.  A really long time..........

*sigh*

Pretty long, years even and I am still waiting for the legal stuff to end.  Who knows how long after that, but for now I am still married so I don't even think about it.  ***Much***

i would guess untill you find mr/mrs right. that is what i am doing.. no one night stands for me.. i dont know how else to answer..