How do I emotionally disconnect?

I'm having a hard time with this too. I feel like half myself is gone and i'm not sure how to live without that part. i find myself reaching for the cell phone twenty times a day just to hear his voice. This is a man who not only cheated and left but did it on xmas day. What the hell is wrong with me? I know for myself he was my soulmate. I will never love another man. I gave everything i had to this. Only to be found lacking. He speaks to me only when he has no other choice and is so cold and distant its like a stranger in my husbands body. I pray for the moment that some of the others posting has reached when they feel nothing tword the ex. 
I said just today "why didnt he just shoot me as he was leaving?"  Cause i've never experienced pain like this. This unrelenting agony.  And he goes about like he's having the time of his life. Yeah, i crave that distance. Actually i crave hate. Some will say thats wrong of me.. i can't help it. I need to hate him to save my own life. The memories and the lonliness and the pain of what he has done is destroying me. No, you aren't alone. And thats very sad. There are way too many of us living in this hell.

If you can look at it as a process that's what helped me. After I filed for divorce from my husband of 10 years due to his cheating (we have a daughter together who is almost 7) I feared that I would carry this anger and pain around into my new life and I didn't want to be that person (you know the kind I'm talking about). I had a great therepist I went to for just this sort of issue. One of the first things we addressed was forgiveness and acceptance. She said I wouldn't be able to get a healthy distance from my ex and our issues if I didn't understand what happened (not just what he did) and forgive myself for my part and my ex for his part. Then comes acceptance that it is over. Many times forgiving makes you feel so free and happy that you may stop there but its important to accept that the marriage you thought you had and would have forever is dead and you cannot revive it (if you still desire that connection, then you haven't accepted its dead). Acceptance helps you consider life without that person. It opens doors in your mind and you start being open to creating a new life for yourself (there are all kinds of exercises she lead me through to get there but the lightbulb moment finally happened). We then went about the business of planning in practical terms my new "dream" life. I made a time line and list of things I needed/wanted to accomplish in kind of a step by step strategy. Anyway, as these things were accomplished I started feel a great deal of momentum and exilleration. After about 6 months I honestly couldn't care less about my ex because I was so engaged in building this new life he became a task I had to deal with for my daughter's parenting. Eventually he and I found a nice friendly balance and I can truthfully say I wish him and his new gf all the happiness in the world. Disconnection complete. Anyway, the process that made it happened for me (and relatively quickly) was dealing with things in chunks. One issue at a time.

This is a hard one to get past, but in time you will. Journaling my thoughts and feelings have helped so much, and curbs the need to contact him. Also reading the posts and advice on here has been tremdous support. Fill your down time as much as possible, just staying busy and active helps a great deal. You know by now we all are going through rough times and learning from each other ways to handle it. Take care and remember your not alone...  ; )

This is one of the hardest things and it was a very long process for me. It took me a long time to disconnect emotionally and I think that it's the fact that you married to be with her forever and now it isn't happening. She betrayed you and honestly, I have heard of people going through counceling and it works, but in my case, it didn't. After he thought that we were settled down again, he started up his cheating and it was harder the second time around. My ex begged me to be with him, but it was only for his stability and for his betterment. It did nothing for me because he was out with others.  I am so sorry that you are going through this, but what you are feeling is normal.  Things just take time. Take care

Wow, you just wrote my story! I am in the first stages, filling out the paperwork and it is so incredibly difficult not to beg and plead. (Which I have done). My husband is moving several states away to be with a woman he hasnt seen for 6 years but hes known for 25. She was at our wedding! Although there has been verbal abuse I still want him to stay. I am working on that one. Hang in there, If you need to talk, leave me a message and good luck.

Greg .. here is a link to No Contact which may help you. I found once I stopped all contact between my stbx and myself the emotional pain started to recede.
http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2008/12/07/no-contact-again/

I see the way you are feeling as absolutely normal. I had watched the movie Fireproof. It is about a couple that were talking divorce. There was a part in the movie where the man's friend superglued a salt and pepper shaker together and used that as an example of marriage. When the man in the marriage went to pull the shakers apart, his friend told him that to separate them, he would damage them, they were meant to be joined once they were glued together. So, yes, when that happens. It is not a clean break, it is not easy, it is one of the hardest things I have ever been through in my life. You still want them to be a part of your life and yet you get upset with yourself that you could feel that way. It does get better. I agree that limiting the contact helps loads. Hard to do when you want to reach out to that person or connect with them when they reach out to you. That is the person you are used to sharing news with first. It is a conscious decision at first, struggling each day not to reach out. It then becomes less of a habit to want to do that. Hang in there and stick to what you know is best for you.

This is very hard. Limit your contact with her. Don't call or message her.
What you feel is normal.

And another thought- there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you- how you are feeling is normal and I hate to say it but how your stbx is behaving is also normal~

I went as no contact as I could since we do have children. The time away from stbx helped me so much emotionally. I can honestly say I feel mostly indifferent to him at this point and only care about him as my childrens father. It helps that he has been incredibly cruel, blameshifts, and takes no personal responsibilty for his actions. At the time ( November )  he told me he had an affair and was leaving me for his partner I was very much in love with him and begged and pleaded with him to stay. I would never take him back now. I'm feeling happy with myself and ready to begin this new stage of my life.

Yep - been there and done that. Since you have made up your mind about the divorce- limit your contact. Let her leave you a voicemail and only call her if you have to. See if you can put a block on her texts and don't answer the phone. Protect your self. It will get easier..I promise.

You are doing exactly what you need to do, limiting contact.  Eliminate it.  When you find yourself missing her, get around someone you enjoy.  Fill your life with people until there's no room left for her.

And give yourself time.  The emotions will come in waves--you'll feel calm and at peace, and then suddenly find yourself missing her again.  Just make sure you have a game-plan for those times (eg., call a friend, not her), and you'll get through.  And you will, but the only way to know that is by living it.

I wish you all the best.  If this was easy, D360 wouldn't exist.

greg - i am feeling the same way right now.  i was actually just thinking about writing a blog about this very topic.  i wish i had some advice - but i, too, am looking to see what the more experienced members here have to say.  i just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.