She is perfect

she is probably doing what he is....

Morning guys

  To answer BlueB - To be honest I was taken aback a bit by the arrogance of the statement. But when I regained my wits I asked said " I find it hard to believe she really does not care" At that point the class was getting pretty noisey ( some guys basically yelling what many of you have written :) so I had to settle them down. However what he said troubled and angered me. I think weather or not his wife is faithfull or not is besides the point. What bothered me is that he saw nothing wrong with what his actions.

So I want to address Natalies comment " She, meanwhile, will berate herself for wasting so many good years on a man who never quite came around. " I found that many many people do that sadly. In the singles class I teach " How to avoid marrying a Jerk" that is one of the points we stress.

  The good qualities you seen in them might not stay. The bad will and sometimes it gets worse. People need to realize the relationship they have before and after their wedding day is the same. If there are problems early on they are probable going to get worse unless treated.

  People rarely " come around" unless an internal force inside them self pushes that change.

I'm sure he has a boyfriend in prison, someone making him their bitch!! LOL :)   Either the chick is blind or stupid or she's also doing something on the side so she doesn't care what he does.  When she finally does open her eyes she'll kick him the hell out!! :)

When she finally gets fed up with it all, he'll get angry and wonder why she's leaving.

She, meanwhile, will berate herself for wasting so many good years on a man who never quite came around.

And, just out of curiosity steve...what was your response to him and the group?

From Bear "As long as he gets to do what he wants with no hassel he'll keep the wifey? Ick...... "

I think that sums up what he meant. To answer wow65 questions the things he claimed she did not care about were:

1) Staying out whenever he wanted
2) Drinking and doing drugs
3) Cheating on her

 Some of the guys in the group nodded their heads when he was speaking because that IS how they really feel. That the can nay MUST do whatever they feel like because its their right! And if someone can't handle that - then they are wrong and " judgemental"

What's the point in being married? You don't need to be married to get a booty call!  LOL  I think people like this (like my ex) are affraid of being alone and just want someone there to just say they have someone.  This is what we define a person like this as...selfish!

Narcissist I was married to one of those and I missed this. That tells you how I managed to be married so long.

narcissism at its best....ughhh the nerve....

But who are these women who get into these relationships? What are they getting out of it?..."

He is faithful in prison....lol...or at least we hope he is...lol

He sounds like a guy I used to know.  He specifically looked for women that were too weak to stand up to him, thus allowing him to do whatever he wanted in the relationship.  These women always suffered greatly from low self-esteem and when part of a group conversation could rarely contribute much.  It was sad to see him exploit this type of woman, and often myself and other people would try and make little comments to them that they didn't have to tolerate such behavior.  However, they apparently had such low self-esteem they would blow off his bad behavior, telling us how great he treated them.  We all knew that wasn't the case, but they would all stay and be a doormat to him until he was threw with them and on to the next one.  I suspect this fella has a very similar woman, and will just move to the next doormat if she leaves.

Ok.  I agree with you about the staggering arrogance of his statement, and while I don't drop personality disorders lightly, I suspect he is clinically anti-social--above others, not accountable to anyone, outside the rules of acceptable social behavior.  Coupled with both his track-record of siring children left and right and his prison sentence, the narcissism of his statement hints at a very deep problem. 

 

So, it I'm even close to on target, then her acceptance of all his behavior is very much a good thing in his eyes because his behavior is always, always right.

I think more info is needed regarding what behaviour she is 'not caring' about.  Hard to judge what he said by the lack of background info surrounding the relationship. 

On an experience note, I was dating a divorcee that told me his X constantly found fault with everything he did (not dressing to her standards, not making enough$, not being social enough, etc.).  The answer and perspective depends on the behaviour.

Thanks BlueB - in the prison group ( this last cadre was 41 strong) as with many on the outside - their relationships are horrible co -dependant...

   When I speak to their therapists they tell me " By working with these guys we learn why and how they are the way they are. We can understand their warped sense of things. But who are these women who get into these relationships? What are they getting out of it?..."

Well, his relationship with her may be perfect...for him.  It's hard to say what SHE feels...if she's completely submissive to his whims and needs, and she's happy with that, then it really is the perfect relationship for them.  However, I think the reality is that he's deluding himself...and will be completely surprised and devastated if/when she decides to leave.

Hello again Trisha ( and every one else)

  First what took me back was the towering arrogance in that short statement. Her acceptance of his awfull behavior is a GOOD thing in his eyes? Because clearly there is nothing wrong with him Ugh!
   
   Now to Trisha's point - what does she get out the marriage? I don't know honestly - I do know that all the guys I worked with are in for drug related offences ( dealing, using, money laundring etc) So if there was money it stopped once he was arrested.

   However with this guy he is older - 50's I would say and he has been imprisoned multiple times so I would think he does not have alot of money saved up.

Why does she stay is my thought? She probably cares as much as he does and is off doing her own thing unless there is money in it for her. But then I'm probably wrong.

good eye jenn will correct that. Where do you think a person gets off say things like that?

lol lenn. I thought the same thing.

Sounds like a selfish bastard to me. What is he, like 5? As long as he gets to do what he wants with no hassel he'll keep the wifey? Ick......

First, seven kids by nine women is an impressive feat.  I'm still not sure how he pulled that one off.  *laughs*

Second, I probably have the same strong thoughts as you.