Live close to my kids, should I see them more?

sounds like you may need a third party to help out here.  this is pretty common. the courts will appoint, or accept whomever you two appoint, as a third party to help with things like this.  basically, you could agree to speak only to this third party when arranging visitations or other kid related items.  maybe the third party could pick the kids up, take them to your house, and then back. it's a bit of a pain.

another idea is to set up a sked with her, let's just say mon, wed, fri you pick them up at x time. she's to have them ready and you just knock on the door, but don't step in or engage in convo.

i know this is hard. but you need to focus on the kids here. they want/need to see you.  she simply has to work with you here..or you'll need court intervention.

Okay, I'm now living with such conflicted emotions. She just called and asked me if I'm going to see them again this week, or not again for another 2 weeks. Then said, "don't punish the kids bc you can't stand to see me!" I just don't think it's a healthy place for me to go visit. She is refusing to admit we're getting divorced, and her mood swings are out of control. My kids need structure, and I don't think my stopping by offers them that. It also seems to be "enmeshing" my wife, who is not accepting my decision to leave, yet criticising my behavior. I'm so frustrated....

Paula- webcam is a good idea. I'll have to remember that one if I need it.

how about a webcam?  this could solve a few problems...1. it would cut down on the irriational behaviour of your ex and 2. you could talk to your kids whenever they are online....even if you are sitting at a desk at work...and 3. on those late nights, you could still webcam a goodnight.

Also, I commute 45 miles to work, making weekday overnights virtually impossible because I don't get home until after 7pm most nights. With the economy, I see myself working even more hours if I want to stay employed.

Thanks for all the great responses. Let me clarify something, when I go to the house my stbx has done everything from attack me verbally, to collapse into fits of sobbing and wailing, to rummaging through my personal belongings when I'm not looking, to throwing passive aggressive comments at me in front of the kids (Xmas morning included!) Then, when she's in her happy place, she expects me to clean the catbox and pickup groceries for her.
My therapist and lawyer have both advised of what an unhealthy environment my visitis create, and unreasonable expectations for my kids. If I can't stop by, they are sad.

Don't think of this as a decision that is made and you'll never revisit again.  What I mean is this...maybe for now space is good...have that conversation with your stbx.  Maybe you can figure out an easier way to see the kids and provide that space to your stbx.

And probably when you've both had a little time to heal...you'll adjust the schedule again.  And probably as the kids get older...you'll adjust the schedule again.  And you don't have to always do this through the courts, as long as you can both agree to be reasonable.

Above all - don't just think about what you need.  Yes you miss them...but is seeing you more, what they need?

I agree with Tuff.  My kids are going to see their dad everyother weekend with his weekend starting on Thursday night and ending Sunday afternoon.  He then gets an overnight once a week too.  I don't want my stbx in my house to tuck in the kids on my time with them.  He barges in and doesn't give a crap if I've got anything planned or anything.  I would love to have a relationship where the kids are surrounded, but he can't even be a grownup so we have come to this.  If he is in my house, he is threatening me or trying to get me back and thats too stressfull for me.  Its not fair to anyone.  In a wonderful everyone would be civil, but its a crap shoot when someone isn't being reasonable.

if i had it my way, everyone would live walking distance from the ex (if kids are involved that is), and there would be daily interaction from both parents.  in my ideal world, it would be like the show 'the new adventures of old christine', where we could all just walk into each others houses and have normal conversations and be friends and be there 100% of the time for the kids.

so i say experts and books be damned!  talk to your ex....figure out why it's such a bad thing to be involved with your kids lives every day exactly?  it's uncomfortable? for whom?  if she starts dating?  that's all so high school and ridiculous to me.  all that matters is the kids, the kids and the kids. 

when you had those kids, you had every intention of being there every single day right?

I think the kids deserve to see their dad more often. You divorced their mom not them. If you were a part of their life before this all happended and did things with them you should continue to do that.

 

Could you try maybe one night during the week you could get home a little earlier from work and take them to dinner or maybe if not every Wed night you pick them up and take them for ice cream or a special treat just so you see them.

 

My husband and I are still deciding if our marriage can be saved but he is a HUGE part of my boys lives- age 9 and 12 and they would be devastated if they could only see Dad every other weekend. We already said we would do joint custody and Tues and Thurs night he would take the kids for dinner and bring them home at bedtime and on the weekend he does not have them as long as I have no plans with them he would stop and take them for a couple hrs on fri/sat/or sun just so the kids can see him.

 

If you really want to see your kids more ask for the time to see them- they are your kids and they need their dad too!

Every other weekend and 1 overnight during the week should be plenty.  You said that you lived close, so it shouldn't be a problem with you taking them to school one day out of the week.
I think i'ts great that you want to be with your kids all of the time.  So maybe you should think about full custody.  And if that's not an option, then just enjoy the time that you DO get to have them.
You are now divorced.  You now have seperate lives.  So give each other space.  And the kids too.  They also need time away from Daddy to adjust to the fact that you guys are no longer a traditional family.  And that in turn will make your time with them even more precious.