Ex wife wants to modify support agreement due to her 'mental stress'

Briefly, I have sole custody of our four children and my ex wife wants to stop pay the support we all depend on because of her "depression". Can she do that?

The whole story goes like this.

I met her when I was in law school. She was an undergrad. We got pregnant so we got married. While working our way through school we had more children. Over time I realized I really didn't like law - but I loved raising our young family and dedicated myself to that. It worked out because she also dropped out of school and started working in real estate - which she was great at. In fact she made so much money that it didn't make sense for me to work.

Well she started working all the time. It got so bad the kids hardly knew her any more. One day we went to see her at work and found her with the OM. I was really surprised anyone else would want her the way she had let herself go.

I pretended we were going to work it out - but really I started divorce procedings. She had all the money - so I had to move in with my parents and take my kids with me. She fought it the whole way but it was really no contest - she hardly knew our kids. Plus she had history of violent rages. Once she yeled at me so much for not keeping the house clean that the police were called. That and some crazy scenes of yelling at my parents house helped a lot. So I have sole custody now. She lives far from us and hardly sees the kids.

Due to the amount of money she makes, and the kids needing private school, we got substanchal support. We also got the house - but I didn't want it. She made us move to that awful ranch. You should have seen how mad she was when I sold her horses - its like she care about them more than the kids!

Now its been two years since the divorce and she is getting more and more erratic. I think she may have become an alcoholic. She is very abusive over the phone. Now she is filing for a modification of support because she says that she is too depressed to work! I have 4 kids to raise. I can't get too depressed to work! And without the support we won't be able to live in this stupid giant house that we only live in because of her.

She found a phony ass doctor to certify her as depressed. But I don't believe her.

Can she really do that?!

by fancypants 10 Posts
Posted on 1/10/2009 8:24 PM

Get Alerts!

send to friend

Send to a friend

Ex wife wants to modify support agreement due to her 'mental stress' on divorce360.com

E-mail: Separate multiple addresses with commas(,)

From (Your name) :

Your e-mail address:

California legal questions on divorce360.com

0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Tags: dead beat mom , support , verbal abuse , violence , difficult ex , infidelity
See more posts in California

Answers for "Ex wife wants to modify support agreement due to her 'mental stress'" (9) (You must be logged in to answer)

well there you go - didn't realize you had an attorney - just wanted to make sure you didn't go in on your own thinking it was in the bag....

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 1/11/2009 4:51 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

My lawyer said not to worry about that. He said all we have to do is wait for her to lie, then ask for a recess. We show her what we've got and she'll fold up like a cheap tent. Then we just go back in and he says that even without actually showing the papers he can find a way to make it known to the judge that she is withdrawing the petittion because she lied. If she insists on going through with it he says we can just ask for discovery. I can't wait for the hearing.

by fancypants 10 Posts
Posted on 1/11/2009 4:49 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

HOLD UP FP!

that won't work -you can't verify the accuracy of anything you were given, it is inadmissable evidence - things like that have to be requested for in discovery and HER side has to provide it...not you.

Her attorney, or she herself if she is representing herself, can say that any number of the things on the paperwork you have was forged...it has to come from HER side.

Sorry.

And yes, she can still get a downward mod if she lied - it's family court - people lie like bear rugs in a lodge.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 1/11/2009 4:39 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

I called OM today and told him what you said. He said np and faxed me a bunch of the brokerage's internal reports - like how they calculate the bonuses. Plus he gave me documents showing how she funnelled phony sales to her girlfriend.

Now I'm just going to play it cool. I'll pull these badboys out at the hearing. After this I'm sure she really going to start hittin the bottle! That will show her to try denying my childrn their due!

Thanx Spaz!

PS will she ever be able to get a downward modification once she has been caught lying to the judge? I think I want to make sure she actually gets caught lying right? If I tell her what I know she might back down, and that's not what I want right?

Well gotta run to yoga before school gets out.. thanks again!

by fancypants 10 Posts
Posted on 1/11/2009 11:53 AM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Ha try proving it. You can't subpoena the ex bf, he will be considered vindictive and discredited in a hearbeat by her attorney.

you can't just "say" she is an alcoholic, you'd have to prove it, and that doesn't affect her income.

so, in a word - no.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 1/11/2009 1:56 AM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Well the OM is more like the ex OM and he works at her office. (When I found out about OM, she broke it off with him, now he hates her ) I asked him and he told me how much she sold in 2008. It wasn't as much as 2007 - but it was still a ton. He told me she was giving sales to another agent so she wouldn't make as much. Besides if her lowered sales are due to her depression and alcoholism doesn't that mean she still has to pay? Isn't that a self inclicted burden?

by fancypants 10 Posts
Posted on 1/10/2009 11:07 PM

	6	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Yes disability goes through SSI.

The court is going to be somewhat sympathetic to her - you can't turn of the tv, radio, read a paper or peruse the internet without hearing about the housing crisis.

I'm assuming by "last year" you mean 2007 - you can't possibly know what she made in 2008, it isn't even tax season yet. She could be reporting a lot less income and use that as evidence in court.

She could very well get a reduction based on her evidence, but it won't be terminated. Even people who are fired from their jobs are still on the hook for at minimum, the calculation based on minimum wage.

As far as jail - no that won't happen. She would have to be 10's of thousands in arrears for that to even be considered. Most that would happen is her license gets suspended, however that is only if the support goes through enforcement - if you have a private pay situation, you'd have to take her for contempt if she is ever late.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 1/10/2009 10:50 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

She says she can't afford to pay any more. Like the real estate market is really bad and her earnings are way down. But she made tons of money last year!

What does she have to do to qualify for disability? Apply to sochal security? i bet she'd love to start leeching off the goverment, now that she can't leech off me any more!

The house is paid. But the kids love it here and its really near their friends and their schools. But its expensive to live here - and there are 4 school tuitions to pay! Plus the afterschool stuff. I'm like dad's taxi all day! But I don't care I love it. I'm turning that old horse barn into a garage for the cars I restore in my spare time. Besides the surfing is great over here.

Now I have a girl I've been seeing for 18 months which is getting really serious. My kids know her better than their own workaholic mother. No way am i gonna move out of this stupid house now!

Besides I gave up law school to raise this family. I could have been a lawyer and making the big bucks like her. I gave up a lot for this family!

If she stops paying won't they put her lazy ass in jail?

by fancypants 10 Posts
Posted on 1/10/2009 9:16 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

A doctor's "certification" won't do it - she'd have to end up on disability for there to be any consideration of support ending - and even with that it depends on the type of disability she ends up on...and that takes over a year if not yearS to qualify for.

She could possibly get it reduced if she proves her income is now substantially less, but as far as never having to pay again - not a fat chance this side of the moon...

however I caution you, she can just stop paying at any time - like so many other dead beat parents - I'm guessing due to her line of work garnishment of her pay is not applicable, so you need to find a way to ensure that you are self supporting, with or without her money.

Are you upside down in the mortgage of the house, is that wht you can't move?

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 1/10/2009 8:34 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Divorce360.com is not a substitute for advice from a lawyer, accountant, financial planner, therapist or other professional to obtain advice. Divorce360.com is not intended to, and should not, take the place of professional advice. The opinions expressed in the divorce360.com message boards are those of the author and the author alone. Divorce360.com does not endorse any specific product or service.