Can you be separated and still live in the same house?

Hello everyone,

I just signed up on your website today and I hope it will me go through this transition a little bit easier. I have been married for 16 years and have 2 daughters, 13 & 9 yrs old. About 5 yrs ago my husband was starting to act very strange, Being very secretive, closing windows on his PC when I step into the room, and found out later that after I go to sleep he goes out. Come to find out that he has numerous memberships to gay porno websites. What really got me was he told me the night of our 15th wedding anniversary that he had to go to a meeting at church. He told me later he met a guy. For the last 5 years I told him that we should both go our own ways, but he kept saying that he loves me and he doesn't want go. He won't show any signs of affection, like holding hands, in public or even at home in front of the TV. Forget about sex. In 16 years of marriage we probably were intimate only 20 times, and nothing in the last 3 years.

He has totally changed in the last 2 years. When we fight, he is just hateful. I suffer from manic deppresion and anxiety he knows what to say to start a panic attack that I need to to medication for. Anyway, I am sticking to my guns this time. No more 2nd chances. I'm filing for a legal separation.

My question is can you be separated and still live together in the same house? I was laid off in March and have been looking for a job since then. He hasen't worked for 5 years and doesn't seem to care. He dosen't have money to move out. Any suggestion would be wonderful?

Thank you,

Annie P

by AnnieP 2 Posts
Posted on 12/30/2008 7:56 PM

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Answers for "Can you be separated and still live in the same house?" (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

Your situation is the same situation i am in. EXACTLY... down to the gay part with the exception of me being married for 23 years and he works. Since I have found out he is gay, a lot of his coldness and meanness to me have been answered.. He must have been frustrated. (that isn't an excuse... he is still a jerk) but i wish he had gone for counseling when I asked him to, and he could have come to terms with who he was a lot sooner and not put me and the kids through this. Maybe I wouldn't be on high blood pressure meds and anti anxiety meds as well. Panic attacks suck! my daughter also has them (he has been verbally abusive to her as well). In hindsight, if I had listened to my gut instincts, I would have been divorced 15 years ago! We have lived in the same house for the 2 YEARS this divorce process is going on. IT SUCKS! If you need a shoulder to lean on, e-mail me through the site. or blog me. It seems even though we live on differents coasts, we have alot in common.

by icanwishonmistar 95 Posts
Posted on 1/9/2009 2:17 PM

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Thank you everyone for the information.

Annie

by AnnieP 2 Posts
Posted on 12/30/2008 11:59 PM

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Spaz, you may have answered a question that I've had for almost 5 years, if it's the same in OH. My ex went ahead and filed for divorce immediately. He then refused to move out, even after rights to the house were no longer an issue. The judge finally insisted he leave after a year, because our disagreements and his being out all night wasn't good for the kids. He was very offended.

I wouldn't recommend continuing to live together, especially under the conditions you've described. It was hell for me - especially knowing he was with his girlfriend all night long.

by musicmom 85 Posts
Posted on 12/30/2008 11:28 PM

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If you want a legal separation, you will have to live apart, if you file for divorce, you can live together until it is final.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 12/30/2008 9:47 PM

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California is a community property state. 50-50 split no fault. So it might not affect a divorce. But spaz will correct me or check with an atty. who gives first consultation free.

I think in your situation it would be hard to live in the same house. If he quits punching your buttons and getting you upset it might work.

by trisha9054 4967 Posts
Posted on 12/30/2008 8:42 PM

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Spaz is in Ca and should have an answer for you when she logs on later, but I know here in NC, you can't be considered separated until you physically live in separate residences for one full year before you can file for divorce.

by delia_M 2861 Posts
Posted on 12/30/2008 8:32 PM

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