Breakdown / rough day so far

I just had a breakdown -- we had what will be our last joint Christmas - since we still live in the same house that hasn't sold yet.  Different things happened - he gave me no credit for dinner when the boys thanked him for cooking --- WHAT I wanted to scream -- I cooked the turkey, made bread and gravy -- he did some salmon for our vegatarian and did the potatoes.  When we were sitting down opening gifts - youngest son says that it didn't seem fair that they (the kids) had all the presents and we only had a few from them.  STBX says - well we decided not to get each other presents.  So I finally opened my mouth and said that since he hadn't bought me anything in four years that I felt that I would stop buying for him.  His smugness makes me want to smack him.  I know that tomorrow he goes to his whore;s house as he has lied that he must go to work but oldest son said the place was closed when I asked him if he was going in tomorrow.  Just lies all the time ....  I began crying and headed for the bathroom.  Stood there and cried and finally splashed my face with cold water to try to erase the red eyes.  Went back out and he's talking about how much shopping he did --- PARDON me ?  He bought two things out of maybe 20 - and he shopped????  Jeeze.  One son is going to work and the other is going home for a while.  We will reconvene at oldest son's apt. for a movie after eight o'clock, a tradition - one last time.  I can only believe that next year will be calmer and probably very different.  I don't know who they will be with - but I guess I will have to get used to it.  I have always outwardly given them choices where as their dad guilts them into things --- I need to be more honest with them and tell them what is and isn't ok for me instead of always giving in to him too.  I know this is very confused -- I am confused, hurt, and sort of desperate.  Wish I could foresee the future and know that next year I will be a confident single - anyone out there have the powers to tell?