Is he having sex with her?

I'm so grateful for my lovely children. They are absolutely wonderful and I couldn't ask for better children. I don't believe my spouse will make the changes needed to make our marriage work out. I think I'm trying to become comfortable with the idea of divorce. I haven't spoke to an attorney yet, but I'm sure it's in my future. Thanks for all of your advice, it really does help to know there are other people out in the world experiencing the same stuff that I'm going through right now.

I read a recent study that suggests making an important decision while you are angry can actually provide you a better understanding of what you really desire in a specific set of circumstances. This, of course, does not mean that you should hurt others, etc... while in a fit of rage. It does suggest that you can attempt to understand how you really, and honestly, feel about your spouse, without all of the additional baggage we use to rationalize an issue, to determine if a marriage with one another is what you really want. Just an idea. And, as for the issue with car, girlfriend and being out a New Year's Eve while you are at home with the children: what a wonderful way to bring in a new year. I know that I did spend this time with my spouse's family (along with all of their issues); and, of course, I had my daughter with me, too. I had the opportunity to spend the evening with friends, drinking and being merry; although, in the long run, I would much rather have been with my spouse, family and being marry.

This sounds horrible, but why is it that he gets to change his life style (new car, going out, no responsiblity) and I get all of the responsiblity? Not that I would want it any other way, but like last night (new years eve) he gets to go out and live it up and I get to stay here at the house with the kids. I wouldn't trade my children for anything in the world, but it still makes me angry. I get the old suburban and he gets a brand new BMW 5 series. I'm sure he's with his new girlfriend. I really need to work on my anger. My friend said I need anger management classes, but I'm too angry to attend. On the 7th, I start a Divorce Recovery program through the church. I can't wait to get that underway.

First and foremost...you don't need to catch him in the act to have closure because sometimes... (speaking from personal experience) to catch him in the act or to see them together can cause more damage than good.... It sounds to me that it's still hope for your marriage and that it's possible that you really don't want it to be over.. I say this because if you really wanted it to be over , you already found the phone with the numbers and he was even honest enough to tell you that he was taking another female and her child to dinner.. He never denied the relationship. I can't say that they are having sex... but just from the facts alone he does have some type of relationship with her and with her child. You can either take it for what it is and move on, or my strong suggestion... back off for a while...time will tell what it is that he really wants but while he's deciding what he wants you make sure you have everything covered on all ends.. talk to a lawyer just in case he does want out, make sure you can get all you can get out of this. Also start working on yourself as an individual do some things for yourself that will make him notice a change in you and most importantly show him that with or without him you will be fine and you can and will make it even if you don't think you will make it never say or show him that... It's hard but trust and believe you will see a change in him. sooner or later.. I hope you rather make your marriage work because when you make these positive changes most of the time they always come running back home so be prepared for him to come back with good intentions.

First, you do need to honestly sort out your emotions regarding the situation that you and your husband have for your marriage. Second, lost trust is something that is very difficult to ever regain; unless, of course, both participants are willing to work through the issues that lead to the communication breakdown prior to his involvement with the other woman. Lies are always hurtful. Third, both you and your husband need to keep the children out as a leveraging tool against the other. They are the victims in this and any manner in which either of you use their needs in this against the other only makes it more difficult for them to adjust to what is a very painful experience for them. Finally, seek professional help and guidance before you make any decisions that may impact all of you. Have either of you discussed a separation with guidelines that both of can agree upon so that you can better determine if a marriage to each other is a reality for your future? There are many reasons why a couple marry; and, there are many reasons why couples divorce. The children do not divorce their parents, they only wish for both of their parents to be as parents in a good way. Questions for you: Do you dream that this can have a better ending other than what you are currently facing as a reality at this time? Are you able to talk with your spouse to find a win/win for the two of you?

I'm not exactly sure if I'm looking to salvage the marriage. Maybe I still believe there's a slight bit of hope. I have two children (6 & 9) and they want their father at home with them. I don't know if I could ever trust him again. I feel soooo betrayed because of the lies. I want to call her and give her a piece of my mind, but that's not going to change the outcome of this problem. I've told my husband that I'm not going to be the person who files for the divorce. If that's what he wants then he needs to file and speak with the kids. I've already said my peace with the kids. I just can't help but think about how crappy a person can be after so many years together. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd end up in this sort of place.