Im confused and need advice.

I was married for ten years. Three wonderfull children. I was not a perfect husband but i loved her completly. We would fight about things, but with a twist . She was a compulsive liar. She never cheated( i hope) but everything else from big to small was a con job or a lie. She ended up embezzling over 100,000 from my fathers biz. She went to jail and served her time. Before jail i told her i was going to stand by her and treat it like a drug addiction. She refused to get help, saying there was nothing wrong with her, and the marrage broke down, I filed for divorce while she was in jail. The divorce is now final. One of her conditions was not to drink, and she turned into a drinker and it kept overflowing into our childrens lives. She ended up getting in trouble for drinking and she has to attend government therapy now. She is now gertting the help she should have gotten before our divorce.

Now here is my problem: I have meet a wonderfull woman who has all the same likes as me and i have fallen in love with her. Its only been 5 months but im happy.

The ex has broken down and said she understands why i felt i had no choice to divorce her. She wishes she would have gotten help sooner. She says she still loves me and would like to go to marrage counsiling to see if we can work things out.

Im very confused because im still slightly in love with her, we have 13 years together, & 3 children together. I can see the woman that i married re-emerging and its breaking my heart.

On the other hand, the other woman is a perfect match for me and i love her as well.

What should i do ?

by ConfusedinMi 1 Post
Posted on 12/23/2008 9:48 AM

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Answers for "Im confused and need advice." (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

I do think you should move on, but i agree with paula. You dont want this other women to feel like shes gonna be living in your ex's shadows. I would for your sake tell you to just move on but I know its hard and your heart wants to lean you towards the ex but I do too think its just the idea of "what if". You and her had your time together, would you ever be able to trust her again? Don't set yourself up for hurt, be careful, hope you do the right thing. Take care and God bless

by setherzoo 22 Posts
Posted on 12/23/2008 7:12 PM

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You made the decision to get divorced,you moved on,you met another woman and now happy.With children involved you will still see your x.You moved on and happy. Stay that way and keep moving,thats what I would do.

by steveo 218 Posts
Posted on 12/23/2008 1:02 PM

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I'm with Delia on this one...she's getting the help she needs, and though you see that she's becoming the woman you once knew...the big question is, can you trust her? I don't think you can...if she falls off the wagon? You'll be back to square one and going through this, all over again. It sounds like you've found happiness in another person...maybe she's a better fit for you, but only you can know that.

You have some tough decisions ahead of you and I wish you luck in making them...keep us posted!!!

by BlueB 2982 Posts
Posted on 12/23/2008 12:51 PM

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This is a hard decision. You have already made up your mind and gone through the hard part of deciding to get divorced. She may change for a little while but she is going to go back to being the same lying woman that she was. I suggest you move on with your life and spend time with the new woman. *really though you need time on your own*. Good luck to you and I am glad you are happy with someone new.

by alldun 14 Posts
Posted on 12/23/2008 12:42 PM

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"slightly in love with her?"

i don't mean this to sound glib, but isn't that like a little bit pregnant?

if you are in love with her, then you need to figure out if you can handle what that love/relationship may mean going forward. it may or may not lead to remarriage. she may or may not stay clean/sober. you may or may not face more issues again.

the recent past is a good indicator of the future.

what about this other woman? does she know about what is happening here? will she always be wondering if you really love your ex?

what about you? will you always wonder that too?

sounds like this was a very difficult marriage...and there is quite a bit of drama surrounding it. but only you know what you really feel.

by paula1 12662 Posts
Posted on 12/23/2008 9:56 AM

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We all have the potential to be completely in love with people who are poison for us. Your ex is a thief and liar.

My best guess, without knowing the specifics of your life (and I don't need to know them) - you can and should be happy that your ex is finally getting the help she needs. This will help your kids together as they try to reconnect with her and see her as the human being she is.

Stay the course, don't throw away your happiness now for the fantasy 'reconciliation' with your ex. Only you can truly know if it's really love or just the 'idea' of getting back together with her again.

I'd say, be happy that she's getting herself together, but don't put the blinders on again and set yourself up for more hurt.

by delia_M 2861 Posts
Posted on 12/23/2008 9:55 AM

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