Am I stupid...

Well, we have'nt had our talk to see where we are gonna go from here. Both going 100 mph in different directions. And I'm tired. I have no ambition to do it now. The doc's changed my meds and now I don't give a shit about anything. It's almost Christmas and I haven't even begun to do anything. (boys are getting nervous).

So I don't know if I put this before but husband is in the military and he will be leaving middle of Jan through the end of March. Just wants to let everything go and play happy until then. Does it matter whats a few more months?? Am I stupid to agree?

He does know that I'm not happy. And he is trying. Trying to control his temper, and not yell so much. We have had a few blow ups over my procrastination to the holidays.

But he is still going on his sites everyday and not coming near me. At this point that is probably in his best interest though.

I did get him to agree to counseling though. Not marriage counseling, but my docs said that if I want off of paxil(i do) then they want me to think about a shrink to see if we can figure out what is causing my panic attacks. He said he would go if it will help find out what's wrong with me. Not exactly what I wanted but I guess it's something right?

by shelgos 90 Posts
Posted on 12/22/2008 1:55 PM

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Answers for "Am I stupid..." (5) (You must be logged in to answer)

I think that taking a closer look at ourselves is almost always a good idea. Definitely explore counseling on your own, to address those personal issues that (if you're anything like me) you might have actually brought into the relationship with you.

In my case, I discovered that no matter what I did, there was something between us which had changed, and I could no longer make him happy.

Then I thought about it more, and wondered if that was even my responsibility in the first place...I feel like that's something which each of us have to do for ourselves.

I don't know, but he may be in a difficult position, too, leaving soon and with all of the unsettled business between you two. Perhaps it is better to not begin a process that might work better if you two were both physically available...?

In my case, I'd just begun moving to go to school when my stbx broke the news of the affair and the split...any chance of reconciliation or counseling was made much more difficult by the physical distance between us. The thing that haunts me a little is, if we'd been in the same city, we might have been able to talk some things through before enertia took over and pulled us further and further apart.

by Natalie 729 Posts
Posted on 12/23/2008 6:27 PM

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Shel, I'm sorry. Actually, do look on the bright side, because there is no way the counselor will lay all things at your feet. Perhaps hearing that he is contributing to some things may wake him up a bit. I guess I was just struck that he was not willing to do marriage counseling--we'll see how your counselor handles that, or if he goes with you again if it starts to feel a bit couple's counsel-y.

And yes, there are men out there who do not rage. There are the lucky ones who were raised by two loving and devoting parents, and then there are the ones who weren't who did the work required to get their childhood wounds healed. There are gentle men, and every man is capable of being gentle, your husband included. He developed his temper just as you did, as a response to someone with a temper; that means he can shed it if he wants to.

by lenn 2653 Posts
Posted on 12/23/2008 10:51 AM

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Lenn- *sigh* you did rain on my parade I was trying to look on the bright side. I kinda figured he's hoping for the counselor to say that its on my end but I'm hoping for it to go the other way. Not that there is blame to lay only on his end, I can step up to the plate and take blame for somethings too. Is there such thing as a man who doesn't rage? I have been with him since I was 17. Before that, at home my father and brother both let things rip. I have never been hit. There is just alot of yelling and cursing. And yes words hurt, but if I am honest, I am not one to back down either. I have aquired a temper through the years myself.
Gomezz- you were right the change did do me good for awhile. I got my butt motivated and did most of my shopping, still have to go fight the crowds some today. Never have I had to shop this late before...

by shelgos 90 Posts
Posted on 12/23/2008 10:29 AM

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Me either it's the paxil that makes you not a chit. Doctor put me on it he said to releive the depression from other things but it made me feel the same. When I wanted to come off of them I broke the pills in half and tried it for a while and It got better. he tried me on 5 Mgs and then percribed 20 mg thought I was going crazy but I still did not care. I had panic attacks and then relized that they came because there are very few things people get up set about but not being able to control or steer the course we are on makes us feel helpless and makes us pantic. I can understand your situation very well because I have had the feelings you have discribed. In a divorce situation sometimes we lose control and just have to ride it out. Control what you can like Holiday shopping. Weather you feel like it or not take you a nice hot shower and get out. Concentrate on your kids and what they want for Christmas the change of enviorment will do you wonders.

by Gomezz 734 Posts
Posted on 12/22/2008 3:35 PM

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Blech. Paxil. Don't envy you.

And no, not to rain on your parade, but that's not anything. It means in his book, this is all about you and your messed up brain. That is not the attitude of one hoping for a better marriage.

He may be trying, but again, that doesn't mean much. Controlling his temper is just behavior modification--the real problem rests deeper, beneath the behavior. You do not want to be with a man who would be raging at you were it not for his clamping down on the rage at the last moment--you want a man who doesn't go to rage at all. Or that's my best guess.

by lenn 2653 Posts
Posted on 12/22/2008 2:02 PM

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