How do you resolve and/or let the anger go?

You can do it. The anger is good at first, you need it to go on.  As time goes on you will be able to let it go, maybe a little at a time.  Mine has been 6 months out and I hardly ever feel angry, sometimes sad.  You have to make the choice to accept that it happened and move on or let it ruin your relationship for good.
Good Luck, you deserve a good life.

I found out about my wifes affair about 9 months ago, April 19, to be exact. She lied and downplayed it until June, but eventually I got proof of what I'd suspected all along. So I filed for divorce in September 3 or so months of therapy and joint therapy and trying to work on it, and her continued lies. I got fed up, she said she can't go on with the marriage, she's in love with him and didn't have the courage to leave me and the kids, so I filed. I filed the papers, agreed to stayin the house until we got the finances sorted out, and we got to work. We created a budget, determined what was her responsibility and what would be mine. We even calculated what portion of the mortgage I would agree to pay until the house sold. I agreed that she could stay in the house until it sold, with the girls, and I would move out on my own. She was getting no spousal support, only child support, and I would get 100% of the equity in the house when it sold. Perfect. Seeing her everyday miserable and dejected lifted my spirits. I focused on my kids and myself, I showered the girls with attention and pretty much maintained a nice relationship with her...I was moving on. I actually felt myself getting close to the act of forgiving her. For some reason I thought it best to forgive and move on with my life happy, than hate her and brood about it for the rest of my days. I had friends who were supportive, affirming my actions, thrilled at my efforts to keep a marriage alive in spite of the affair, and saddened by the obvious loss and the shock of learning the "perfect wife" of mine is in fact a cheating skank. Then all that ended when she fell apart, hit the bottom, came unglued. The realtor came to our house and found her drinking and smoking in the garage. That night she begged me to stop the divorce, take her back, help her, help us. What I'd prayed for was at my feet, and I took it. Now I don't trust her, and I don't forgive her, but she's trying...or is she..

2CD

I so understand, but I don't have an answer because I'm looking for the answer as well, my husband of 30 years was cheating on me off and on for 23, this last one he had for 4 years and I found out three months ago, he wants to work it out but I am soooo mad, I can't seem to let it go, I think about it all the time, the betrayal I feel is the worst, how could he lie to me like that, and then I feel stupid for trusting him all those years...seeing a therapist in a few days..hoping time will help...wishing you all happiness in the new year

 I also found out my husband was having an affair from the "OW" and what she told me the affair had been going on for two years as well... (what a blow).  It's been 9 months since I found out and believe me the first few months were the hardest I was so full of anger!! towards what seemed to be everyone... but, as my therapist also told me "I need to face the fact that it happened" and learn how to "accept" and "forgive"  do it for yourself and you will see it will get better it just takes time...

You have to "accept" what happened in order to move on I know it's hard believe me I still deal with what happened to me day by day but, to be honest it's not as bad! not anymore I learned that if we don't "accept" what happened we tend to get bitter, angrier, and more distant... believe me it's not worth it... so if your trying to move on with your husband I hope his also trying trying to show you how sorry he is for hurting you!!

I was mad at both my husband and the OW for so many reasons but, I came to realize that it's not worth it!! one the "ow" is not worth you being angry... she will get what's coming to her... "Karma" !!

So, I wish you luck and if you need to talk just email me your story reminded me of mine... !! and it hurt when I read it cause I know how hurt you feel right now... I really do... but, I promise you it will get better I thought It wouldn't but, it does.... in time....


xoxo
achiever

My wife let me in on it about 8 months ago. I wish I could say it has gotten easier. However, it has not. I am where you are.
I guess this is the ultimate in forgiveness. Its easy to forgive someone who has wronged you when you rarely have to see them or deal with that person. But when you live with the person who has done it.......well that just sucks.
IN the way of advice. Our marriage counselor told me to get rid of anything that reminded of him and her or anything that sparked anger. I asked him what if the only thing that made me angry was looking at her?
All my friends say "Be the big person and forgive" Huh........I'm not sure exactly how.

I'll have a couple good days, maybe a week then BAM.....I'm right back in the cycle of being really pissed off and dejected.
I figure others have forgiven I can too. I have found it easier to let my wife know when I am angry and what sparked the anger. She does the best she can to make it better. Sometimes its still not enough.
Thanks for asking this question.

Forgiveness is it exactly.   without it you cannot move past the anger you simply learn to live with it.   And its not a very fun what to live.

With that said, I could not stay with my ex who cheated but I did forgive him.  Not for him but for me so I could be free of the anger and stress it caused me.  I just didn't want to be that bitter old lady who gave up her free spirit to live a life half lived.   My therepist taught me that you can't fully be happy if you are filled, even a little bit, with anger.   You only live a partial existence because the anger takes root inside you and festers and hurts your ability to love yourself and others.

I forgave my ex but I no longer liked him or what he had to offer so I left him to build a better life.

Hope, The only way i was able to let the anger and hurt go was to forgive my stbx. Thsi came about from a sermon my pastor had on how can we expect God to forgive us if we are not prepared to do the same to people who wrong us.
It was not easy but after having prayed for many weeks I was able to do it.
Once you can forgive the person, the anger leaves you.
I wish you all the best and will keep you in my prayers

I wish you well with your journey. Letting go of the anger does not happen over night.

i don't know how you forgive and let go of anger and find trust again.  but i know people have done it.

there's just so much invovled with cheating. the break of trust, the disprespect of the other spouse, kids, marriage.  the lying and ongoing deception..the other life they were living, that you know nothing about.....the actual cheating, naturally....and then there's trying to rebuild trust again...how?

all of it is too much for me.  but there are plenty who have found a way to recover and move on.

try these articles/blogs.....they may help:
http://www.divorce360.com/infidelity-360.aspx