Rebound Girl or True Love

Okay, I have to admit, my ex and his new girl has been haunting me all day. Uugghh. But I do have a question and I need honest opinions

My ex says, he was lonely and ready to leave our relationship for years.He was not in-love with me anymore and felt caged for the last 5yrs. He says he worked through a lot over the last 5yrs while we were still living together and has been ready to move on. He has had a quick fling (2weeks) with another girl before he met his current one, the serious one(5 months and counting). Could she still be considered the rebound?

I guess I am asking because I just don't believe that he truly worked through everything. I know its possible, as I have met others on this site who have done the same. But its still hard for me to see. I guess some of his actions have said otherwise too.

I guess apart of me wants to know because the hurt part of me does not want him to move on so quickly and happily. It just doesn't seem fair. How can HE, who caused all this turmoil get to get off scott free and live happily ever after with another. I know I am stronger than this and this is just one of my moments but it just isn't fair. Let me know what you guys think.

by baddlizz 256 Posts
Posted on 12/14/2008 8:44 PM

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Answers for "Rebound Girl or True Love" (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

I can feel your pain. My ex has also moved on in record speed (our court date is two days from now). We were married for ten years & I can't even comprehend how he could divert his attention to another woman this soon. He's even taking him home to meet his family over Christmas. Men are wired differently than women, that's for sure. You have to move on. I know it's hard (I still have nightmares about the divorce) but for YOU, moving on is essential for your well being. No, it's not fair...and that's the hardest concept to realize. Everything in life happens for a reason.

by trapped 13 Posts
Posted on 12/15/2008 9:21 AM

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God, are you still doing his laundry? What ever he is or isn’t should only concern him. I have so much more support in your happiness then giving a rat’s ass about his disposition. You need to look at the mirror and say I am the most beautiful person I can be for myself. Give yourself a hug and know that this is from me to warm your spirits. I am mad about your considerations toward him. I want baddlizz. Isn’t it nice to be wanted? Quit mothering over him. I look forward to confidence from your strength.

by yohon 195 Posts
Posted on 12/15/2008 8:12 AM

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Oh Lizz,
I wonder the same thing about my stbxh, too! Although I am not dealing with an OW...I am dealing with someone who checked out of the marriage years ago and now it all seems so easy for him to move on....while i am dealing with pain and anguish!!

Like you, I took care of everything... all he is worried about now is how to get his name off the mtg and if he can keep all of his toys and not have to give me any money!
My stbxh thinks he is going to be "happy" once the divorce is final and he never has to see or hear from me anymore...but you know what I now realize...it wasn't me making him unhappy in this marriage...it was him!
In your case, from what you have written, I think he is probably dealing with a lot more with the gf than he is letting on...and, for whatever reason, would never admit it to you.

by zuki 685 Posts
Posted on 12/14/2008 10:20 PM

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Kitty, I'm the one alone and she's the one going back to a childhood friend saying she 'needs' him and has romantic feelings for him. I choose to be alone so I can heal myself. :-) There are guys out there who do try and take the high road.

I agree with you on the hurt comment, but it's important not to focus on them so much, as it is to focus on yourself. Do something positive with that energy, instead of wasting your time with 'what if's'.

I hope this helps! :-)

by HurtInColorado 1139 Posts
Posted on 12/14/2008 8:57 PM

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I doubt it is true love. Rebound is more like it. I don't want to offend any of the guys here, but they are wired differently than us. Although it is hard, women can get through being alone a bit easier than men. Not always, but at least half of the time.

It isn't fair that he has moved on to someone else. How can they be like that without regret? I'll never know the answer to that one.

When we are hurting, we hope they are too. It's really that simple.

by Kitty7470 2621 Posts
Posted on 12/14/2008 8:52 PM

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I know you're not going to like hearing this, but why do you care? I'm going through the same thing. I just found out my STBX is seeing some childhood friend and talks to him every day even though he's in another state. She says she has romantic feelings for him. What am I supposed to do?

I'm thinking about myself. If she's that ready to dive into another relationship even though we're not divorced yet, then good luck. You need time to heal yourself, and not worry about anyone else, but YOU. I don't want her to move on so quickly, I want her to feel pain....but you know what? I can't do anything about it. If I think about it, I'm sad, but I'm focusing on me right now. Getting me back into shape is the most important thing.

The only fairness is treating yourself right. The only thing that's fair is how you handle the situation as it affects you. You cannot change him, only yourself. I'll be thinking of you!

by HurtInColorado 1139 Posts
Posted on 12/14/2008 8:48 PM

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