how do you live in the same house?

My situation is like everyone here as well, but mostly with jeepgirl. I have to stay in the same house right now solely for financial reasons,we do not have enough $$$ to move out..the old paycheck by paycheck life you know..&I do not have a car at the moment since the van has broken down and for the time being I refuse to move in with my mother because of obvious reasons&she lives on the other side of town farther away from my job. Right now, my job is 3 blocks away. SO..here's the thing, my wife has met someone called Jerry (in her cell phone it's spelled Jeri) who she says she has grown to like very much (nice way to put it eh?). She wants the divorce, first because she wanted to move back to MN, but not with me. We got interupted by the kids that night did not finish the conversation, she went to work the next day, we talked abit more, same story...she loves me but is not IN love with me. I go to work, I found out I have to work 6 weeks straight with no day off since a coworker needs surgery so I call my stbx at 1030PM...I work nights...to let her know that I wont be able to shoot darts(we WERE on the same team)..the line is busy. I try calling every 20 minutes until 130AM..by this time I knew what was going on and went home for lunch. I come in the door, and she comes out of the bedroom and I ask her who she was talking to..Jerry she says. The f@$@%# called MY phone to MY house to chat/phonefuck my wife..stbx...whatever. Then a day or 2 later, I wake up at 3PM (Islept in my daughtersbed since she hogged the couch) to go to my other job and walk into the room formally known as our bedroom and she is texting him! Apparently texting and talking to him are 2 entirely different things. I may end up breaking down&at least asking for $$$ from my mom 2get out of here, but I already feel like a failure the way it is.I go out of my mind when I think of her talking to someone else, so much so I found out what his phone# is. What would u do? I want 2 call him 2 hurt her 2

I understand completely.He said he wanted a divorce but we could stay in the same house and try to get along until I find a job again.That he would try to be on the nice side.What a joke some days it is very hard.Most days lately I get one syllable answers or dirty looks,that to me is not being nice to each other (I usually try to treat him at least like a roommate)
Its very stressful even if we are getting along because you know they don't love you anymore and just want to move on.He always is dwelling on the negative.I am looking but the job market is not promising right now.The longer we are together the less respect I have for him.I am to the point I am ready to move on even though it is very scary.I wish both of us a speedy moving out and on

I belive this will probably lengthen then healing proccess!You are exposing yourself to a lot of extra hurt. I am learning that simple is good right now as I am in the same situation asw you.My heart goes out to you.feel free to email me anytime k.

I hate to say this, and please know that I am coming from a good place when I say this, but, I don't think he is really all that sincere with wanting to work it out. Someone, at least to me, who is really trying to work it out will commit more than that. You shouldn't have to drag it out of him. He shouldn't have to say/feel that you are trying to control him by getting him to communicate.

It sounds to me like he is trying to hold you off while he figures out what he really wants to do. Or at least an avenue as to how to do what he knows he wants to do. Ouch. I hope that didn't hurt to much. But I don't want to see you get taken for granted. You sound like you are in the same situation I have been in for the past 5 years. I am recognizing the signs as I have grown over the past few months and I don't want to see you give up another moment of your life for maybe's. Especially maybe's that sound like this.

As difficult as it is financially, I so much more happier with my ex being gone. I too, was in a weird situation. I knew to much of his new life and it hurt like hell. Why do we continue to put ourselves in hell. We are already being forced into hell by our exes choices, why do we choose to stay there. When you have had enough you will know. Feel free to email me. :)

Thanks again,
Yeah we have talked about things i know i havent written my story yet, but the thing is we are still not sure what we are going to do at this point.  I mean, I wanna trust him and hope things will be different sometime soon. Im so afraid of letting him in my heart and getting disappointed once more.  He wants to stay and work things out but I never get any responses outta him, to how he really feels or weither or not hes gonna be faithful to me. He says all I want is to control him and not allow him to be himself.  How do I allow him to feel like he has some control in the relationship without giving up everything?

I am in a similar situation. He has moved into the extra bedroom. We have been trying to live together since financially he can't afford to move and he is the middle of a custody battle for his son. He have been doing this for about 10 weeks now. We have talked about things and he has realized that no one wants to hear about his new relationship so he spends most of his time in his room on the computer or phone. We know what he is doing but don't have to see or hear it. Have you talked with him about what he is doing and how it is affecting you? Maybe you should start getting out some and leave him to watch the kids. Start doing things you want. Put the shoe on the other foot as it were. It isn't an easy situation but it sounds like you are trying to make the best of it. Be strong.

Well thanks for all the advice on this.  One reason is we are waiting it out for money, for the kids, him finding a place, we work together aswell saves us on gas.  He sleeps on the couch and pretty much lives in the livingroom while me in the other parts of the house.  The hardest for me is allowing him to live here and still be able to do what he wants and having to know about it.

Leave...it doesn't help anyone to be together in those conditions. I know I tried it, it was miserable.

That was the hardest part for me as well.  Once she finally admitted that she had cheated, we tried to stick it out, but I was so bitter and upset that I just could not be in the same room with her any more.  I slept on the couch for a month until I could find my own place.  I could not even stand being in the house when she was home. 

I finally told him to completely move out.  We agreed to a "joint-custody" agreement (our own not lawyers yet) where he is in charge of everything with our boys/dog from Sunday to Wednesday and then I am in charge Wednesday - Sunday.  He was staying at our house on his days so the boys wouldn't have to be out of their home but it did not work.  The tension with him around is worse than the boys staying with him on his days (at this point anyway).  I will keep an open mind for my boys that if I find they are struggling with switching households, it will change.  I just can't see him...it kills me.

Yes, one of you move out...  I have to agree with baddizz on this one.  I didn't have to live with mine and if I did, you would have seen me on America's Most Wanted by this point..  There is no way anyone can live together once they have decided to seperate, plus in my state if we live under the same roof, we can't file for divorce as long as we are living together.  It is time to give each other some space to figure out if this is really what the both of you want and then go from there.....

One of you move out, solves the problem quickly...:) Is there a reason why you have to stay living together?

I was in this situation for a while, and our reasoning was financial. It became so hard that I didn't care about the financial anymore. It means I have to work two jobs but for my sanity I will do it.