How to handle Christmas . . . . .

So, my estranged husband and I hammered out a perfectly agreeable & acceptable plan for sharing the kids over the Christmas Holiday. I keep the kids on Christmas Eve night (I invited him to stay the night with us - he agreed) and the majority of Christmas Day. He will then go pick up his mother and then pick up the kids and take them all back to his house to celebrate togeter for the remainder of Christmas Day and overnight. Fine. Very Agreeable. Take a deep breath. My mind is at ease. My anxiety level drops way down. But apparently we can't leave well enough alone. He breezes in to my house yesterday evening, doesn't say a word to me and asks my son if he will "go to church with Daddy on Christmas Eve". What? Because I didn't want to start an arguement I simply said "That wasn't part of the plan" and walked away. He didn't respond. First of all, he is not a regular church-goer. Once, maybe twice a year around Easter and Christmas he likes to pretend he's a devout Catholic and might attend services, but it's hit or miss every year. Now do I stand my ground and insist that Christmas Eve night was to be my night? Or in the spirit of the giving season say "Oh yes he can go, that sounds swell!!!" Or do I scream at him that he "Should have talked to me about it first!!!!!!!!!" Since I feel more like screaming at him, I thought I'd post my dilema here and invite some solutions & opinions first.

by Sunflower2 294 Posts
Posted on 12/13/2008 11:54 AM

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Tags: christams , kids , stupid spouse

Answers for "How to handle Christmas . . . . ." (5) (You must be logged in to answer)

You really are in a catch 22. If you stick your ground about the original agreement, then you'll have to deal with resentment and anger for the rest of the holiday. If you give in, then he's going to do it again and again!

If I were in your shoes, I would talk to him calmly (in private) about the original agreement....tell him that since it is Christmas, You'll let your son go to church with him, but this is the last time this will happen. Tell him if he continues, you'll be forced to pull the same crap on him....

Childish I know, but sometimes that's the only mentality they understand!

by angielou 1563 Posts
Posted on 12/14/2008 10:33 AM

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Oh, do the husband & I get along? Good question. Sometimes we do. No, none of us attend church. I realize he wasn't asking to take my son on a Christmas Eve crime spree or to a devil-worshiping class. The thing is, Christmas Eve is supposed to be my night with the kids and out of the pure goodness of my (black, miserable) heart I invited him to stay the night because I know how much my son will enjoy having Daddy there. My daughter won't really care, she just wants to be wherever I am. Anyway, I feel very strongly that he should have presented this idea to me first before talking to my 4 year old about it right it front of me. That just seems to be his MO, however. "Hey, they are my kids, I can have them whenever I want!" I swear I just want to scratch his eyeballs out.

by Sunflower2 294 Posts
Posted on 12/14/2008 8:53 AM

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do you go to church? can you all go together? It seems like you must get along enough if you invited him to stay over. A bump in the road can be hammered out. Sit him down and talk to him. Don't give in even if it's easier.
I give in way to much to my ex and then end up kicking my self in the butt right after he leaves. Mine wont stick to any agreement that we make and I lay down and take it! OUCH! It really hurts in the long run.
Be true to your feelings or you will end up with regrets like me. Just how I feel.

by mjbbpink33 111 Posts
Posted on 12/14/2008 7:57 AM

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forgive me but i'm not that familiar with catholic church christmas eve services. But if he is spending the night then that would mean he has to bring your son home. I've been divorced for 2 years almost 3 and have 2 small children. One thing i told my ex s that as long as they believe in Santa they will wake up in their beds. No need for transporting tons of gifts etc. I've allowed him to spend the night Christmas eve so Christmas morning feels as they have always known it. If he wants them to go with him in the afternoon than we can alternate years on that. Don't concern yourself with how often he does or doesn't go to church maybe he's trying to impress someone but that's not your issue. Use the time they are in church to finish up last minute things. Enjoy yourself

by Faith2 5 Posts
Posted on 12/13/2008 5:49 PM

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sunflower, i would insist to keep the way. if you give in then he will think that he will alway get his way. sunflower stand your ground, take it from one who knows. i always let my ex take the kids when ever he wanted to ,now he never gives me the kids when i need them. its a two way street.

cherbear

by cherbear 5182 Posts
Posted on 12/13/2008 12:11 PM

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