If you have been cheated on, have you confronted the other person?

One other thing. I blame my husband, but the law is that you can't sue your spouse but you can sue the person with whom they cheated. That's why I'm suing her.

 

Don't you wish there were laws like this in all the states? Only 5 have them. If more had them, perhaps people would think long and hard about cheating.

I haven't confronted the OW yet. I am, however, filing for alienation of affection and criminal conversation (had sex  with her while we were still married). I have all the proof I need.

I wouldn't bother except that he gave her enough of my money to buy a house in cash.  I can't get it any other way.

She's going to have to appear in court and answer as to why she caused my husband to commit adultery. I can call any and all of her family and friends. It won't be me telling them about it. There will be plenty of evidence. It's going to be hard for them to dismiss it when the attorneys show the video tapes, records, underwear, you get the idea. I haven't talked to anyone she knows about this, but it's going to come out in all of its ugliness.

 

Meanwhile, I heard from her brother that the family found out about all the lying and is hopping mad. They have broken up.

 

Somehow, this doesn't make me terribly happy, but it has to be done. How stupid of my husband to try to cheat me out of money. Had he not done so this could have been avoided.

The guy that my wife cheated on me with actually showed up at the hospital (mental) that she got herself into because of all this mess.  Get this, he was on one side of the couch from her and I was on the other side.  He actually even apologized for all this mess.  I said shit happens!  But, you don't have to take care of her, the kids, the finances and dealing with her parents like I do, not to mention my heartache for all the trouble you put me through.  I said, you should be ashamed of yourself for going after a woman that was clearly suffering from depression and who is married with 2 little kids.  Apparently that didn't matter too much as he was married and had 3 kids. 
I even showed up another time with the kids and my mother and there he was in the waiting room.  I sucked up all the visitation time and left him with 3 minutes, worthless POS.

SCUMBAGS and WHORES, they belong together

I found out she was spending the weekend with him in "our" house.  We had only been separated a month.  He actually told me she was there.  I went to the house and just walked in.  He tried to stop me at the door but I pushed him aside and said I wanted to see the bitch.  I backed her up to the refrigerator and called her every name in the book.  I told her exactly what I thought of her stealing my husband and my life.  She would not look me in the eye.  I never touched her but I threw her drink in her face and tried to break a rum bottle next to her head.  Damn bottle didn't break but it did put a large dent in the fridge door.  He grabbed me then and she ran out.  I also found one of her shirts and ripped it in half.  Made me feel good for awhile.  But then I realized that she wasn't as fat or ugly as I had thought from her myspace page.  And of course the arguments with him didn't help either.  She came back, they didn't break up and I am still alone.  She's still happy and I am still miserable.  I think he was scared though.  She is there right now and he is so scared I will show up again.  Maybe the thought of me walking in will put a damper on any activities later tonight!  LOL

I never confronted the OW. As far as I was concerned, she could have him. Neither one of them were worth the effort. I don't think it would have phased her anyway. She was married too and it didn't matter. Her husband had cheated, and she had cheated on a previous husband to be with him, and another one before that. I found out later that she grew up in a home where both parents cheated. She had actually broke up six marriages before ours. She was always on the lookout for what someone else had to offer.

 

One of the best moments was when my ex discovered what she was really like (but not until after he married her) and actually asked me to drive by their house while he was out of town. He had heard from a neighbor about a strange car that always seemed to be parked in their driveway whenever he was out of town. You can imagine what my reaction was ... I'm still LMAO!!! 

I know that my husband cheated on me more than twice, and for no good reason. By accident I found out... when he put his foot in his mouth. I am still sick to my stomach that my husband could hate me so much to have sex with a friend of mine and blame it on her and our friends for giving him to much to drink. I got so made at him that I asked him to leave and I filed for a divorce. I never thought that he would do something like this ever...and if I find out I will say something.

I disagee with NOT confronting the other.(i knew this bitch) I let her have it BIG TIME she stold my husband and I was going to get the Bitch back... ONLY for one reason - she took him from me and she wasnt going to WIN - I was...so, After I broke them up and got her fired from her job,  as my husband was her boss and I demanded her to go- and know can kiss my ass,Im moving on

I disagee with NOT confronting the other.(i knew this bitch) I let her have it BIG TIME she stold my husband and I was going to get the Bitch back... ONLY for one reason - she took him from me and she wasnt going to WIN - I was...so, After I broke them up and got her fired from her job,  as my husband was her boss and I demanded her to go- and know can kiss my ass,Im moving on

Paula1 said: "i totally agree angielou,  if they knew the person was married and pursued them anyway, and tried to get them to divorce or whatever, they are 100% guilty and gross."

I, too, agree. The person with whom my ex had an affair was also married. They conspired together to end their marriages and help each other through the divorce process, as they built a relationship.

YUK!!

At this moment I'm not able to think of a lower thing than to be married and engage---dare I say, conspire---in adultery with another married person.

Each time I want to forgive and forget, I remember what the person I trusted did to not one but two families, in the name of selfishness.

Anyone who is jealous of their cheatin' partner's relationship, just remember under what circumstances they met. It helps me be tthankful that it's not me who has to carry that burden for the rest of my days.

It hurts, but definitely helps me to move on.

I confronted her first by phone, with my husband sitting next me blown away that I would want to talk to her. I told him of course I want to talk to this person that seems to have become so important in his life. I wanted to know about her and who she was so I could try to figure out what was going on. She did not seem to be shocked or surprised by my call...she had a rather arrogant attitude telling me that she knew all about our 20+ year marriage and knew that we would not be able to repair it. She told me that she really respected my husband and the man he was. I later had several more calls with her as my then husband and I tried to reconcile and she continued calling him against his wishes. She had promised to leave him alone if decided to return to his marriage and family but did not honor this promise. He was constantly upset by each of her calls because he saw how much it upset both the kids and me. She never backed off. She even stalked him at times and he would tell me how freaky it was and how mad it made it him. But, after it was all said and done and I told him I was not putting up with it anymore he jumped from me back to her and even bought her a house for the two of them to live in about 4 weeks after I put an end to all of the madness. I didn't totally blame her at first. I listened when my husband told me that he became attracted to her because she was always smiling and happy, even though the life she was living was all but that. The story I was told was that she lived with an alcoholic good for nothing husband. Her cheerfulness and happy personality was extremely alluring. So, at first I blamed myself and him for being weak. As time went on I came to really dislike her for the motivation she put on him to leave the family for her. She had not even seperated from her husband or filed for divorce but kept encouraging him to leave me. Blame can be spread everywhere, but it is cold hearted to pull apart a family for a 2 month old relationship.

Well, I haven't confronted her face to face yet!! but, over the phone.. actually she was the one that told me about my husband and her!! I was sick to my stomach! literally she was all emotional,crying etc.. you name it! That is what I guess got me upset at her the most a part of me was like I know it wasn't all her fault it was both of there's one my husband the one I have trusted!! had betrayed me! and her because she new from day one she was getting involved with a married man!! no matter what!! both of them were at fault!! Wondering why she called me that day to tell me.. came to find out because he had already broken it up because he decided that his family meant more to him than her!! and I guess that's when she got pisst off and told me which is okay I was bound to find out either way... but, it's like I told her what did you expect from this relationship? you couldn't and didn't expect him to take you serious you don't even take yourself serious, you don't respect yourself, you don't respect others!! I had to tell her all she i was is a "piece of ass" when I didn't want to be with him sexually that's is all he was getting from her nothing more!! No matter how long this was going on his intentions were never to leave his family!! for no one! and that is what hurts her the most that he didn't leave me for her! even though she would beg him to leave me that I was a bad wife, mother! that all I cared about was his money!! (if that was the case I wouldn't be working, I would of had all the material stuff a girl can ask for) but, nope we both work for a living! gosh what they say to get there way!! LOL So, anyways, I haven't confronted her "YET" !! and I guess when the day comes and I know it will!! I will be ready the only way she confronts me is by calling me!! and asking people around how I look, What I wear, If I am skinny, If I am this and that? that is the day she will find out who I am look like and so forth... Fucken Bitch!

Yes, completely Confused.  Sure he may have hit on her, but she is an adult and knew how to stop it, and didn't.  I place 99% of the blame on her, and 1% for him being a chicken s*** coward to do that in the first place knowing she was married.

I must not be the norm...
When I found out my husband was cheating on me I never once put the blame on the "other woman".  I was never mad at her nor even hated her.  I was furious at the man who took his vows with me.  I was mad he ruined my life, tore my daughter's family apart, and for taking himself out of my daughter's life. 

Anyone else feel this way?

When I served my stbx his papers, she came out of the office on the pretense of going to the bathroom, to see what he was up to. He didn't have a chance to warn her. I said very clearly. "Oh, there is your girlfriend." She wouldn't even look at me. To me at this point, she is not worth the effort of going out of my way to antagonize her. She means less than nothing to me. She can have my husband, obviously she deserves him more than I do, but if she ever messes with my kids, she will see confrontation in a big way.

I found out who he was by using a PI and a GPS tracking device. After confronting my wife who admitted everything, telling me how he had become her friend, then her confidant before they slept together, I then called him and he denied everything even though I could prove it all.  If you have read some of my posts and blogs you will know that this man is married and his sport is to destroy marriages. He thought they were being very clever in concealing their affair so you can imagine the shock he got when I confronted him.
They broke it off till I moved out of the state and are now together again.
It did help me to talk to him and realize what a lying coward he is.

I actually called her on the phone 2 weeks before I found out "for sure".  She lied over the phone, laughed and said she knew I was pregnant and was so happy for me!  Months later, I confronted her again and she flat out told me that she was going no where and that once we were divorced, she had no problems moving into my house, being stepmom to my kids (even went so far as to tell me that she would encourage my husband to go for custody). Funny, by the end of their relationship, she had lost 30 pounds (yes...I am MUCH thinner than she could ever hope to be), dyed her hair blonde (hhmmmm...yep, that's the color of mine, when she is a natural brunette), and even started dressing like me.  Did it help me? Not at first, but at the very end when he had lied pretending to want to reconcile while still seeing her, yes.  Only because she sent me proof of their ongoing affair and I finally knew he wasn't sincere.  It helped me to "lock"into my head that I couldn't and cannot ever trust what he says.  In the end, she probably didn't lose much.  I never really heard her tell me that she was sorry for my pain, or even the pain she caused my children.  But then again, why would she?  He wined and dined her, they took vacations, and played the role of boyfriend/girlfriend.  I dealt w/ the kids breakdowns, the flooding basement (twice), I had to take the kids to the e.r. when they were hurt/sick. I even had to charge groceries because he left no money in the account to even feed any of us.  She's single, the reality of motherhood and marriage hasn't even flickered a spark in her head.  If she ever has the priviledge (and I hope she never does) to call herself a mother, then maybe one day she'll see how wrong she was.  But I'm definately not counting on it.

Nope.  Never had any desire to talk to the OMs.  In my mind, it really wouldn't have done any good.  There is nothing they could possibly say to me that would make me feel any better.  I don't really blame them anyways...it's my stbx that bears ALL the responsibility for stepping out of our marriage.  I understand how you feel, Angie, and I'm not saying that them knowing that they're married doesn't make them innocent by any stretch of the imagination.  But it's your spouse that knows your exact situation and it's your spouse's responsibility to not step out on you. 

The other person may or may not be a victim of circumstance...after all, you may not know what your spouse told them.  I mean, short of running a background check on someone to make sure that everything they've told you is the truth, we do tend to take the other person's word at face value until proved otherwise.  So, even if you confronted them, they're going to believe your spouse over anything you would have to say...at least for now.  Maybe a few years down the road when they're being cheated on, they'll wish they'd listened to you, but they won't now.  Right now, you're the crazy bitch/son of a bitch, and they won't listen to a word you have to say.  But, there are those that know everything and don't care who's lives they end up hurting.  If they don't care about that, do you really think that talking/confronting them will do any good?  People like that are selfish and narcissistic...and likely won't give a damn what you have to say anyways, so why even bother talking to them?

In my case, I hold my stbx 100% accountable...I really don't give a shit about the OM.  As far as I'm concerned, she's not my problem anymore...she can be someone else's problem now.

Wow, I got a lot to say to this one,
My ex-husband started his affair while we were still living
together and married.  A month later while we on a vacation
in Cancun he went "BONKERS" for no apparent reason.
At this point, I had enough of the verbal and mental abuse.
I filed for divorce 2 months later. He was still living at home
and caring on this affair.  I was still unaware of his cheating until a
friend told me about his "Girlfriend" 3 months later.  Wow,
was I shocked.  I did confront this woman and she claimed
he had told her "he said you and him were over" as if this
justified her actions. She knew we were married 13 years,
had a young child, and a thriving business together.  So when I
find out finally, I quit the business, he moves out.  1 month
later I learn devasting news about a family member and
reach out to my stbx and we spend the weekend together
and talk about reconciling.  Then this BITCH (because of her jealousy) finds out he
has been with me and calls me to let me know "Your
husband has not only been with me but someone else".
This pathetic woman is so desperate to have my husband
she sabotage's this possible reconsiliation very effectively.  She deliberately
let me know, knowing the effect it would have on me.
This is pure EVIL, destroying a family, a business, a life she
had no right to become involved in the first place.  She
knew everything about this and her plan worked.  I gave
him back to her, she can have the lying, cheating, bastard.
Its now over a year later and he continues to see her.
He'll never marry her, they fight constantly.  They are both
pathetic and useless liars and deceivers.  They belong
together.  It is hard for me to understand how anyone could
get between a family and destroy it deliberately.
Some people are just plain EVIL!!!!!!!

Paula,

Again, I agree with everything you have said....I guess I'll have to wait until I'm 4 years down the road...it's still too new for me, only 6 months...

Hereigo......I'm with you, too.  My best revenge is that they have each other!

i totally agree angielou,  if they knew the person was married and pursued them anyway, and tried to get them to divorce or whatever, they are 100% guilty and gross.

i can't help but believe that these people are damaged.  to be interested in married people, to have affairs with them, steal them away, convince themselves that it's okay to do that....there has to be something wrong with you, right?  it's just not normal or healthy.  somewhere along the way, someone did/said something to you that altered your view of right/wrong.

but i don't know how attacking them, talking to them, meeting them, being obssessed with them...helps us.  believe me, i've spent countless hours thinking about the other woman and wondering why and how and what.  but four years later it hasn't helped me in any way.

she is broken.  he is broken and together they broke me and my kids. 

me attacking them (her), or thinking about them (her) doesn't put my family back together.  it just keeps the broken bits sharp.

I confronted him.

Looking back, it was not worth the effort.  He lied to my face, and in the end, I think it really just made me feel worse. 

My stbx is on her second affair (that I know of) now.

I haven't said a word to him.  If he ends up married to her down the road, that will be payback enough for me.  (Sincere grin and wink!  ; )  ).

Paula, 
   I agree with everything you have to say.....however, if someone knows that the man/woman they're  sleeping with is already married and continues anyway, they are just as guilty.  I am angry because (in a moment of our spouse's weaknesses, they took advantage and just moved on  in)  Yes, it was up to our spouses to uphold OUR VOWS, but they are still involved in the whole decision.

     If someone got your spouse, say, hooked on drugs.....the spouse dies of an overdose (just like my marriage died).....wouldn't you be angry at the pusher?  It was your spouse's decision to take the drugs......

    That's almost how I see this affair.....she was there for him, he got hooked, the man I loved died as well as the marriage.

i know we all want to hate the other man/woman. but it was your spouse who had made promises, taken vows and broke your trust.  the other person may or may not have known they were married. if they didn't...you can't blame them. if they did...they're losers too.

but they weren't the ones who cheated ON you.  that was your spouse.  that's where the anger needs to be directed.

attacking the other man/woman only gives your spouse more control over your life.  neither of them are really worth your energy or time.

cheaters deserve to be with cheaters.....imagine the paranoia in that house.

The better be careful what you ask for question. I am in a trance with finding peace in my heart about this. I will not forgive her; I will wish for her the most horrible possibilities that can be imagined because of this. I have moved out of state to be away from her because of this and in part she parades around with the knowledge of knowing that she was able to hurt me in a way as she put it;” You made me mad and that’s what I did to get back at you”. The confession of my daughter being conceived by on one of her flings and her denial for 17 years is also need to know information that I didn’t ever have. A real sore spot with me on this one. If you want immunity for your feelings about this look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis for my sympathy. I will be returning to my wall of indifference.