Get the heck off this site...

To add my two cents - there are certain things that only someone who has been, or is getting, divorced can really relate to.  Most people who believe they are happily married can not even imagine being walked out on by the person who vowed, often over and over, that he or she would always be there for you.  If someone had told me 10 years ago that I'd be divorced, I would have thought they were nuts.   I did not discover this group until I had been divorced three years, and could not understand why the person who wanted to leave me was STILL blaming me and actively causing problems.  I'm still not sure I understand, but I have learned that I'm not alone - and that's what I really needed.

No, she's not divorced.  And I do disagree with her too.  And I have got alot of help on here.
But I do understand her motive.  The heck of it is if the tables were turned, I might even give her the same advice.  I didn't and haven't really gave her much info on the site.(don't need her looking me up! Love her to death and know that she's there if I need her but she doesn't need to know all!)  Truth is I am of the same mindset that if you are down laughter and happiness can bring you back up.  Just not in dealing with something of this magnitude.  And you are right nobody that hasn't went through it can even imagine.

I am sorry but I totally disagree with your friend. THere are so many people in here that have good sound advise - more than likely since she is a counselor so she thinks you need counseled - Don't get me wrong, I am not bashing counseling , I have been to them and they have been helpful. But to "talk " to others thatt are in your shoes now and or have been is a great help.
People are so quick to throw advise our way- Has she been divorced?
One of my problems I had with a pastor that my ex and I went to- he had NO experience counseling when there were problems. I want someone to talk to me that has been there OR helped someone who has.
Anyway- that is my 2 cents for whatever it is worth. I know this site and the people on it have been great to me and a great help.
I did learn from someones post on this one that OMG - if I google mtnvly it DOES bring up 360- wow. I am NOT sure I like that at all!
Anyway- the choice is yours hun- stay or go. If you feel we have been helpful then stay. If not then take her advise. But realize that YOU can be of as much help in here as anyone as you go thru your trial- and after . We can learn from you also!

jrsr--I never thought about that.  But you are right I googled my name and it came up.  You may want to repost that question on its own if you don't get any answers. If you don't want to inbox me and I will.  I don't think inbox shows. 

I talked to my friend, (thats another reason why I hate letting people know my problems I hate the how r u doing questions)  Anyway, the majority on here got it right, she's just one of those people that feel like if your surrounded by sunshine and happiness you will be sunshine and happiness.

It's hard enough getting thru divorce but with friends that tell you to dump a support system, it's worse.  I love this site although I don't post much.  Sometimes I read other posts and they get me thru.  Friends that you couldn't pick out of a crowd of two, but friends none the less.

Heres is my concern and maybe someone can help me. I would post more, but I am fearful that my posts will show up on google. has anyone seen that? Like on all my previous forums, all my posts show up on google! I cant risk that.
so I read and browse and it is helpful

It always bothers me when people seem to think that by thinking and talking about negative issues in their life (and how to deal with them) is somehow a bad thing.  Life is not smiles and sunshine 24/7 , denial is.  And if you live denial (as opposed to life) that way, things go wrong...a lot.

Good job!

--Tom
http:/www.antiartist.ca

This site offers many different things to many different people.  You can make the choice of either to stay or go.  But for many it is a place to be heard by people you have or have had the same issues.

You need to decide how to use the site.  Or not use this site.  No one can answer that question for you.

Your friend sounds like she means well, but is misinformed.  This site has been a great help to me.  I have gotten information and advice that I had trouble getting anyplace else.  Sure, there are many sad stories here, but so many times I have laughed out loud at what I was reading.  If you find it helpful to come here I would suggest that you continue.  It is easy to feel like you are alone in this.  You are right to be careful about who you tell "in person".  Friends and family can be judgemental and full of cheap advice.  At this point, I hesitate to talk to anyone about my situation who is not divorced. 

I gotta toss my hat into the ring as well.
 I never looked at this as a divorce site but more of a divorce support group. We all are going through a common factor in our lives and I dont think any of us are happy about it for what ever reason. Weather we are the  DUMPERS or the DUMPEES we all are needing a shoulder to help us carry on to the next level of our lives and it is nice to talk to someone that does not judge or look at you with pitty.  The support that is offered here is great and the advice is also very helpfull.  Maybe the guidance counselor could have been a little more supportive but then again, she could have told you to go flip a burger at mickey Ds to better your life as you pop some ridalin. Isnt that what they all do? Or is there an age thing they follow? Who knows but if YOU think we are not helping,  then go play sloitaire how ever if you feel just a little bit more ready to face another day as a single, STAY. That choice is yours to make.
GOOD LUCK!! Take care

Gotta add my 2 cents here! If you haven't walked a mile in my shoes, you don't know what your talking about! Everyone here has
been through either, divorce, seperation, or contemplating one, rather their choice or their stbx's choice! I would be lost without this support group! Not all of us are dealing with the same problems, but they are all somehow connected! To have a place to go to write your feelings, your hurts, your sorrows, and then have input on something somebody else has gone through, it's definately a good thing!

Wow. You're friend gave you a hard time for ordering a beer? Has she ever been divorced? If you ordered 6 beers that would be a different story. She sounds very critical and puts you on the defense.

This site has been great for me. I guess over the past 3 years I have been manipulated to so much that after awile you can't seem to trust your own judgement.You know the right thing but you can't act on it as you have been mentally abused. Coming here has given me much confidence. I know my questions are probably silly but to me they are very hard. Thankyou you again to all who responded to my question.

I disgree with Beta in that those who are happy about getting divorced don't come here.  I think my divorce is probably the best thing to happen to me in years!  I come here for the companionship of others who are going through one, too.  I do like to hear the other side.  I also like telling those who are not happy about it that it will get better- if you let it.  We are not trained therapists by any means- we are just people who are going through the same life changing event- D I V O R C E!

When I told my therapist about this site, she was really interested and asked for the web address.  She said she is always looking for good input for her clients.  Ironically, I don't really need her anymore.....this site has been a godsend to me!  I've gathered so much information and yes, I do get depressed sometimes reading others stories, but on the other hand, I can see that I don't actually have it that bad.  It's good to know that I'm not alone and others can commiserate with me!

Good Luck and I hope you stay with us!

I have to agree with your friend if she one of those just think happy thoughts and everything will be fine, newage junk counselors.  Reality bites, and I have to admit, reading about other peoples junk made me cry, but the more I read and learned I discovered I am not the first going through this.  And I have been here just long enough to see that I will not be the last.

This sight has been a blessing to me, and it can be to you as well.  Honest emotions expressed can hurt yourself and others but you know what?  Expressing those emotions helps get us through.  So if this guidance counsellor would rather bash a place for letting the fear, sometimes hate and mostly just fear of the unknown be expressed without judgement of the underlying "feeliing" she needs to find a new line of work.  I never thought I would like eating frog legs because of all of the negative comments I had heard about them.  Guess what? I don't like them, but I was open enough to give them a try.

Listen to your heart, not the voices in your head.  You just might find that this site has a lot to offer.   Good and bad, but much, much more good.  Get past the tears and you will see.

I think most people who come here are a little confused at first. So many subjects, people, differing viewpoints, opinions, topics. It can be overwhelming. The benefit here is that A) it's free, and B) you can tune in with others who are in similar situations to your own. Add the extra bonus of Spaz-a-licious - our fantabulous Family Law Attorney who gives completely selflessly of her time and knowledge because she understands the difficulties couples in crisis face and often those can't afford an attorney yet.

So take a break if you need to. We'll be here when or if you return. I hope you stick around. I think if nothing else, you can find some good solid support networks here and anyone going through a divorce or even separation, can use all the support we can find!

Best of luck :)

You friend is passing judgement with out first hand experience, which is the same thing as judging a book by it's cover. You friend should visit this site, read some of the posts, ask some questions, than only for themselves, not for you, they can pass their opinion on if they belong on this site. You have done all this already so you can best figure if you belong on this site on your own and not by someone who has not experience it first hand like you have.

Regardless of how this site has impacted me, it's you and your impact alone that best can help you here. What do you think?

You're friend is probably used to dealing with teen issues, hence the guidance counselor at a high school.  Teen pregnancy just isn't the same here.

As my dad would always say, "Don't tell me you don't like something if you never tasted it it." If your friend has never visited the site she should hold judgement. There are a lot of depressing stories on here but the last time I checked divorce wasn't a happy thing. If we here as members want to help or give advice to someone who is asking for help then we have to read those depressing stories so we know what is going on in their life and in their head. You can't give an answer if you don't read the question. This site has done wonders for me. I am agoraphobic, which means I stay in my house and the people I talk to on here are the only people I talk to outside of my family or doctors. Maybe the site isn't right for everyone but then no one is forcing those people to stay.

well i think your friend is wrong, this site has been the best thing for me. i have been able to get alot of advise here. i dont know what i would do without all of my friends here.

thanks

cherbear

Well wow lots of response here, I think that BlueB probably hit it on the head. And in her defense I didn't mention anything paticular about the site, I just said that I ran across a divorce sight that made me question everything I'm going through alitlle more.  Which for all intents and purposes is why I am here.  I do believe in this sight even though I haven't been on here long.  It is the first place where I have finally been able to say some things out loud and get off my chest.  That's got to be good 4 me. And I do feel like you get real advice here, not just some ass behind a desk watching the minute hand go by.
She is a guidance counselor for the local school, so no she doesn't work with divorce couples.  But she does work with children of divorced parents, so I got that guilt trip too.  It was quite along lunch.  At one point I even had to order myself a beer which got me a "you're drinking now too???"
Anyway thank you thank you for all of your support.

And to I can wish I think you might have something there!!

You have gotten a lot of responses on your post here, and
I can tell you why.  The vast majority of people on this site
are here because they are UNHAPPY about getting
divorced.  Why would anyone who is satisfied with getting
divorced even bother looking here.  Most of these people
here are sad, lonely, bitter, angry blah blah blah.......
I have only been here a short time and I can tell you that
the support the community on D360 has given me has
been very comforting and validating.  I am very confused
and D360 is open 24-7.  The cyber love is overwhelming. 
I am thankful I found this site.  I have come to rely on it.

Amen Blue.  Help where you were helped.  That's what this site is about.

Spaz's post just reminded me of something...I actually FOUND this site when I was looking for marriage counselors...yahoo search engine pulled something up from this site, and I started reading a few stories, was poking around...and well, here I sit, 8 months later.  I wasn't looking to end my marriage when I found this site.  I was looking to save it and asked so many questions and got good advice...like I already said, this site has helped me in sooo many ways and I'd like to think that I'm helping other people who were just as lost and confused when I first found this site.