Kids wanting to stay home..

Recently my daughters (especially the 4 year old) started not wanting to come stay on "my" weekends. For the first 2 months they begged me to come and stay (and did). We had a great time. It changed when I wanted to take them to a college football game on my weekend. They were excited till they heard their mom yell at me over the phone about her not wanting them to go. The 4 year old (from that moment on) has had a hard time. Sometimes she wants to come sometimes she don't. The last time they were with me, they both wanted to stay an extra night. I texted her (# form of communication with her) and of course she simply said "no". I told the girls that their mother missed them and needed them at home, not that she just said no. They cried and told me A LOT...that night. For example, I instructed my 8 year old to read more...she said when she got a book and began to read "mom wanted to know why I was reading.."... she told her cause Dad said I needed to...she said mom wanted to know "why you don't read for me".... she said her mom asks her why she writes neat for me ...and not her (when I do her homework with her). It seems their mood/attitude changes when she spends time with them at her mothers (my mother in law). I do think this is all weighing on them and their decisions... I just want what is best for them and for them not to hurt. If it was best for me to stay away from them in order for them to not hurt and have a great life... while it would kill me.. I would do it. I am not sure if I should put my foot down and make them come or just let them decide each time??

by PeyKatsDad 6 Posts
Posted on 12/1/2008 10:24 PM

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Tags: kids , visitation , hurt feelings

Answers for "Kids wanting to stay home.." (3) (You must be logged in to answer)

Ok, you need to have a conversation with your ex - and not via text. I'm talking face to face two parent talking about the kids & the emotional toll your split is having on them and what you propose to do about it.

first and foremost, this "comparison" crap - has to stop. She has no right to make the children feel bad for what goes on with you, or guilt them in any way shape or form. That is using them as pawns and a form of mental abuse that you should not tolerate.

She has no right to keep the children from you, so if she tries that, I suggest you stand firm on your visitation and, if necessary, while they are with you get them into counseling. YOU aren't the problem - she is.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 12/2/2008 1:24 AM

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I don't think its ever the best for the kids to have a parent stay out of their lives! What it appears is they are being made to feel guilty for wanting the time with you. I hope you are able to nip this in the bud before any long term damage is done to your relationship with them.
Kids are so vulnerable at this stage and they want to please their parents more than anything. Sadly some adults will use this to their advantage, but its not you the gets hurt in the end it's the children. I wish you luck with working this out, but please don't stay away from the children, they need you more than ever!

by kdb 3175 Posts
Posted on 12/2/2008 1:13 AM

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peykatsdad,
i really know how you feel, my kids are older and live with me, but your kids are young. you need to be with them as much as possible. since they are so young. you should talk to you ex and explain that you need to see them and she should not make them feel guilty about going to see you. i was seeing someone who decided not to see his kids because he thought it was the best thing for them, but it backfired on him. now they are older and are very mad at him and give him the guilt trip every day now. so you should see them now before they get older and can make their own decisions. i hope this helps
cherbear

by cherbear 5182 Posts
Posted on 12/1/2008 10:32 PM

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