My Daughters Birthday

adadwhocares,
i never stopped her from going, its the other children that had things to do, and he is very controlling in every situation. i wanted her to go.dont get me wrong. he just makes plans for himself only, and does not think if anybody else hase something to do that day.
thanks
cherbear

Clearly there are deficient communication initiations on all three of the adults. Your little girl is turning eighteen. Take a moment and reflect on your 18th birthday. maybe bring yourself back to how you may have wanted to please your parents and do something "fun" for yourself. after all, she is turning 18... Good luck with that.

Well, I do hope they have a nice dinner together. I'm glad to hear your encouraged her to go, and though this may sound kind of harsh or maybe I'm overthinking the situation but it just seems kind of self-serving on his part. Kind of like, he can fulfill the duties of being an interested, supportive parent but on his terms not necessarily what is best for the kids. I guess I'm over-sensitive to that kind of parenting.

sunflower,
 thanks, you are right on all counts, i never said that she could not go. i encouraged her to go afterall, but the problem is the other kids. and he not caring about their activities. mind you that all the kids live together. i thought he was going to take her out to dinner and bring her back but noooo he has to bring her all the way to his home and have dinner. well thats water under the bridge, because i told my son that he will miss his class tomorrow. someday he will regret what he does today. and yes he has to pick them up and bring them home.
thanks for the comment

cherbear

Congratulations to your daughter! 18 is quite exciting! I have to agree with the other posts about letting her make the decision to have a dinner with her dad. Personally, I feel as you do, thinking it's kind of inconsiderate on his part not to try to set a dinner date up for the weekend when things are less busy and easier on everyone. It would probably tick me off, too. I would also be thinking he already has other plans for his weekend that he doesn't want to change or interrupt, but I suppose that is irrelevant to the issue. Now, is your ex planning on picking all the kids up for this birthday dinner and then bringing them all home? Or are you expected to shuffle them back and forth??

spaz,
thanks for everything but my ex is very unreasonable. he will do everything in his power to get me to make the wrong choice. im not going to give him that power. he also lives about 45 minutes away and wants all the kids there.

well, since it is her birthday, if she doesn't mind her brother not going then tell your ex that he is going to go to his class and maybe they could meet up afterwards (no idea what time it lets out) since it is a last minute thing...

Thanks everyone,
   She has made her decision. she is going, and i dont have a problem with that, its just that he makes everything on his time and doesnt think about the kids to see if there is anything going on . like guitar lessons and ccd for the 2 other kids. thats my issue. the other children, my son does not want to miss his class but it seems that he will have to. he only has 2 classes and he misses alot when he is not there. 2nd thing is that i pay for these classes ahead of time and they do not give extra classes for missed classes. thats my problem.

thanks for listening

 

cherbear

Wow turning 18! Maybe let her decide what to do, She may not want to be with him on her birthday.

18 is kind of a special thing - and your daughter is old enough to decide if she wants to spend time with her dad during the week I think. There are concerns I would have like if she's still in high school and that might interfere but there's no reason why they can't make an early celebration, is there?

Sometimes, if we're having issues with a spouse/ex who was controlling in the marriage, to step back and look at it from a different angle. It's hard to see that different angle when all we've seen prior to this is the control factor.

As Spaz said, what does your daughter want to do? It's her birthday after all. If she wants to see her dad on Tues. night, why not let her? If she doesn't, then she's old enough to tell him that herself and explain her reasons why she can't make it.

Happy birthday for your girl btw! :)

If her birthday is at the beginning of the week, then he really should be allowed to celebrate it with her close to it - if it is towards the end of the week, then he can wait for the weekend.

I get the whole control thing you are feeling - but you also have to consider the fact that birthdays are a time of last minute and even "surprise" aspects to it.

How about this - what does your daughter want to do? It is her birthday.....would she like to have dinner with dad tomorrow night?