Visitation and so on...

Just make sure the log is handwritten and not typed!  You can also try taping the phone conversations you have with him, but if you do, make sure you tell him, right away, that you're taping it...if you don't, it could be a criminal offense to tape him without his knowledge, but with, there's no problem.  Maybe that will be enough for him to be a little more civil on the phone, so even if he doesn't say anything incriminating or flat out lies to you, it may help keep him more honest and cordial.  And no problem...I'm an expert in CYA ;)

Thanks BlueB! I appreciate your advice. I had thought of doing a log but wasnt sure of how well that would stand up in court. I have the phone records of the last three months and by the time I get served with these next petition and get an answer to the courts I should have another month of phone records. We are so different in discipline that its unreal. His idea of punishment is spanking them and although Im not completely against spanking it doesnt work for me. I would much rather have the kids respect. So in the past when I have tried to explain it to him he just gave me this attitude of how dare you and I am going to get you for this. Which he has said on numerous occasions. He normally only calls like once a week if that. Never on the same day. He has always been told that he could see them anytime he wanted. Just to let me know. I mean Im not unreasonable I know that sometimes two days notice to take the kids for pizza on Monday night is ridiculous. And if he were to call Monday about it I would be fine with it. He lives about 20 mins from us depending on traffic and so there for the lack of being there on his part is just silly and then to pin it on someone else is just pure craziness.

blueb has great ideas here that should help.

first, you need to get a real agreement drawn up re: visitation. it can't just stay blank.  florida has a generic one, with the assumption that both parents will work together.  when you get a troublesome ex, you need to have an ironclad and detailed visitation sked.

i get the whole living at his sked thing. i've done it for years and i'm sick of it.

you shouldn't have to live that way at all.  and this sitatuion with your daughter sounds very difficult.  i don't know what to suggest there. 

since his sked is so crazy, you have every right to go back to court and demand this wednesday thing.  and yes, it should be told to you and only you.  you should communicate by email only to make life easier.

i've been logging this stuff for four years and i'm out of mind with it.  i'm still being controlled by him even four years later, and sadly will be forever.  that's what happens when you are forced to deal with ex's like this....and the laws are the way they are.

believe me, i've done it all.  no point in fighting it.  you need to find a way to work with the crazy system.

The bottom line here is to cover yourself to avoid hearings and to do what you can to solve the co-parenting issues.  If you are having problems, you make sure that you jot them down.  Paula just gave you some excellent advice too, I see.  You can't control his actions...and if he tries to pull this crap about not letting him see or talk to the kids, you whip out your log and phone records...see how far he gets.  He will have to prove the issues that he's alleging, but if you have a handwritten log book that disputes his allegations, he's the one that ends up looking like the idiot, and I can pretty much guarantee that he won't try pulling that stunt again.  I wish you the best of luck in all this.

You were the first person I thought of when I wrote the question. See your advice helps a lot considering we both live in Florida. See the final judgement is so open when it comes to his visitation that I dont know what to do. Its pretty much left blank. It just says he has visitation and there are no guidelines beyond that. He is a garbage man and so his hours vary day to day and week by week. He doesnt always get off at certain times and cant make it to pick up the kids at a certain time which I am willing to work with. But I refuse to wait around till 9 pm Friday night to find out if he is going to take them. I have told him just to let us know by wednesday night if he wants the girls to come over. Also is ir wrong of me to expect him to relay this information through me or my spouse so that I know what is going on rather than sending it through the kids. He is now begining to blame it on my 10 yr old on why he didnt have the girls over the summer. See she is not his but it was an unwritten part of our divorce that he would continue to deal with her on a Father basis because in her eyes he is her daddy. He still covers her on his insurance. I mean really he isnt all bad but blaming a child that isnt legally a part of this for his lack of being there is wrong on so many levels. I have since stopped her going with him and she understands at least at her level of understanding why I wont allow her to go over there which is a whole other concern. I have phone logs thought it sucks that I didnt get all the months prior to August when he hadnt called. I have set up an email for them to contact me at to set up dates and times and that was at their request. Also so that I can give him the information about school and so on that he says he wasnt getting.

Well, here's what I would do.  If you want to avoid future hearings about contempt and custody modifications, I would start keeping a handwritten log about all custody issues and co-parenting issues.  You do need to communicate more effectively with eachother...not just you, but him too.

So, yes...I would initiate calls to see if he's taking them, even though it's his responsibility to get the kids during his visitation time.  That way, you get confirmation that he is/isn't getting the kids.  If he agrees to show up and get the kids, then doesn't, you log that down.  If everything goes as planned, you still log it down.  That way if he tries to claim that you aren't letting him have them for visitation, you have your log book to present at any hearing that he requests, and you don't look like the idiot...he does.

Same with the dicipline.  Make absolutely SURE you two are on the same page, dicipline wise.  If the kids are acting up and you send them to bed early, and don't want to get them up to talk to their dad, make sure he understands, BEFORE HAND, that it's a matter of dicipline.  In fact, you may want to consider calling him if you have sent them to bed early and why so he doesn't call...again, write it down in your log.  Calling him about the dicipline does a couple of things for you...it makes you look good in informing him of the kids' status and punishment, even if he really doesn't care about it, and it provides the court proof that you have informed him of the dicipline plan and that it isn't petty vindictiveness that you are not putting the kids on the phone.  Reverse roles for a second...if you called early enough that the kids should be up to talk to you and if they were in bed early, wouldn't you think that something was a bit fishy?  I don't know how often he calls and how often the kids are in bed for misbehaving, but if it happens often enough, I might be able to see his complaint (continued)