I am sorry and really confused.

What you said follow is right, she is the one who seperated from me, she even put in the e-mail that because I walked off with my arms around my friend she is done. I have seen her with hickies an her neck and chest and still wanted to work it out with her I am truly saddened by this I have to tell my kids today to give up hope for their mommy and daddy to be together. he callled me a liar and a hypecrite because she has been honest with her stuff and I haven't, I told her bout the one night stand I had and that is the only straying I did.

No, no, Angie, he's been married for 5 years and separated for 3 months.

You've been separated for 5 YEARS?!?  Do you really think that after all this time, your marriage still has a chance?  I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I really think it's time to s*** or get off the pot!

She's using that guilt trip shit my STBX uses to try to turn their guilt and sin around on you, and then say, because of what you did, we will have to divorce.  But they seem to think in their own f*cked up and twisted Love Craftian fantasy world, that what they did is right and can be justified.  You're trying to figure out a sick mind....like me.  Being Sicilian, and if I was how I was in the past, and the guy gave me a dirty look, I would beat his a$$ and had my STBXW hold my jacket for me.  But I'm 20 years older now and mellowed out.  It's a nice thought though.

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but was she planning on bringing her b/f back to the marriage with her?  Personally, I think it was ballsy of her to even have the friggin' nerve to write you that!!!  No, it sounds to me like she's trying to be a spoiled control freak...she wants to be able to do what she pleases, without any regard for your feelings, but the second YOU go out to the movies with a friend of the opposite sex, she jumps to conclusions and tells you she doesn't want to stay married?

Don't get me wrong...I've had a cheating wife that I loved and was willing to work through problems with, so I understand that feeling you have.  You still love her, but I think she's made it clear that she doesn't love you...she certainly has no respect for you.  I'm with delia...don't settle for her just because she's familiar...your self-worth and self-respect are worth much more than that.

I have to be honest here, if she was telling you before that she was willing to work out the marriage before with a live-in b/f, it was a lie...and I think, deep down, you know that.  I know you didn't want the divorce and that all you want is your wife back, but if she isn't...or ever was...interested in saving the marriage, then your marriage is over.  Just remember something...YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!!  No matter how hard she tries to paint you as the bad guy in all this, don't believe for a minute that you did anything wrong or have anything to be guilty or ashamed of.  She was the one that chose to cheat on you, she's the one that disrespected you by inviting the b/f to live with her.  She is the one that has chosen not to work on the marriage and try to save it, not you.

I wish you the best of luck in all this...try not to beat yourself up too badly over this!  Keep us posted.

We both share joint custody of the kids right now it is one day with me and one day with her but it is about to go to one week for both.