Tired of being the good guy..

Not sure why she feels you need to spend the night in order to be there. I would just say no, be there early, or come when it's convenient for you, but still spend the holiday with your child... I agree with the others about putting the child first, but you must also take your own feelings into consideration and stand your ground. You can be with your child without spending the night and going through an uncomfortable situation like that.

I was the ex-wife that wanted my ex-husband back post-divorce.  It sounds like she has an agenda - I did.  I concur with what everyone else has said, your son will be fine and you will have a fabulous holiday together.  Do what brings you peace during the holidays.

I asked my estranged husband to stay Christmas eve night with the kids and I, too. He's agreeable. However, we are definately not in your position as to why we are separated so I can see why this is a tough one for you. You should do what your gut is telling you to do. Best of luck!

i would not go just because she asked. you can still see your son but on your terms. you need to be happy, and take care of yourself.

I agree with delia M.  Protect your son, stay the high ground and believe me you will be rewared by your son later in life.  Kids know much more than you think.  Besides, it's the right thing to do.  I made a mistake or two out of anger and thankfully I didn't tell my kids about my spouse's behavior  as a reason for our problems.  Just don't spend the night to be a family,  Might as well get used to how it will be.  Go over on Christmas day because your son will cherish those memories.  I still remember many Christmas days with loved ones and relatives.  Don't deprive your son of that no matter how angry you are at your wife.

ok I had to stop reading other comments after your response to Trisha. You mentioned several times your son's ADD condition.

It's a condition, not a terminal disease. He's not going to die from it, he's not an invalid, he CAN be treated for it and succeed just fine in life.

Divorce is never easy on kids regardless of their mental conditions.

I sympathize with your anger, and agree with Chris. If you are uncomfortable being there overnight now, then say no. It's that simple.

I personally think right now you're in no condition to even try to have a family get together with them, even for the sake of your kid. Your hurt is too close to the surface. I highly recommend you see a counselor.

And please, don't rant at me about how your wife isn't thinking of 'your' son. Her problems are her problems, and two wrongs don't make a right. Just because she stopped thinking of your son (in your opinion) - doesn't mean you're allowed to follow suit.

Be angry, but don't let him suffer for it. Accept responsibility for what you have control over, which is your actions and reactions.

As difficult as it is, you can choose to shield him from the brunt of it.

I understand you may be tired of being the 'good guy' but you do it for his sake so he's not placed in the middle of a vicious tug-o-war between you and your wife. You think he has behavioral issues now? See how much worse it gets when he gets stuck in the middle of the he said/she said battles. Then you will be just as bad as your wife.

Just some food for thought.

Best of luck.

I can hear the anger and pain in your post. Are you seeing a counselor? I still see mine occassionally and it does help.

I'm simply saying you can still be there for your son. He is already having problems. You don't want him to get caught between two divorcing parents. Both of you should think about your son as you both are going thru the divoce process. Always what is best for him. He still needs his father in his life. I can tell you care for your son a lot.

My daughter is grown and she still took our divorce hard. I have to encourage her to call her dad. She still needs contact with both of us.

Just take the time to think about what you want to do with your son on  Christmas and keep what will work best for him and you in your thoughts as you make that decision.

Think of my son?  I was thinking of my son.  When she wanted a divorce on selfish grounds, was that thinking of our son?  Now he's having serious behavioral and grade issues at school, when I told her he has severe ADD and can we please go to therapy to work this out, she said NO!  She wanted the divorce regardless.

I've had enough of being the good guy in all this.  She goes off to see her ex 'friend', and I'm here holding all the misery and pain.  I'm tempted to call my attorneys and go after all her possessions and not make this nice and clean like she wants.  Why should I do any different???

You don't have to do anything you don't want. If it means standing up and saying no, say it. It might make you feel better. Gotta ask, why she wants the family thing on Christmas morning? Is it really her desire to have the family thing and if so, doesn't that mean she may be rethinking the divorce or is she up to something? I think that if you want "no" that you have the right to say no, just use caution regarding her intent. Best of luck.

You don't have to do anything you don't want. If it means standing up and saying no, say it. It might make you feel better. Gotta ask, why she wants the family thing on Christmas morning? Is it really her desire to have the family thing and if so, doesn't that mean she may be rethinking the divorce or is she up to something? I think that if you want "no" that you have the right to say no, just use caution regarding her intent. Best of luck.

If you're not comfortable staying over Christmas Eve then don't. Come to some other agreement about Christmas with your son. Maybe see him that night and be there sometime Christmas Day.
Just work out an arrangement you are comfortable with and will also make your son happy. Remember it should be about your child.