Why do the exes get mad at us?

 I think a lot of the anger is a way to keep control of you and the situation.  If he can keep you on the defensive, he'll feel like the big man.

I agree. I think it's guilt and not knowing how to deal with you after it's over. Also, I agree with the part about them not being able to just walk out the door and never look back. With me, he pays child support monthly so he is reminded at least once a month (should be every day!) that he has a child with the ex. The very person he wanted to slam the door on forever but here I still am at least as a reminder of his screw up.(meaning cheating) I so agree that with his friends he can look like a victim. Saying anything he wants. But with me...I know the truth. That has got to get to him.
Regardless, he is not my problem anymore. He will be or is someone elses. I have full custody of my beautiful daughter and try to be the best mama possible. That's all I can do. This is the most important job I could ever have. Everything else does not matter when it comes to him. It is in the past. He has to live with him self not me.

I think when they see us, some part of them knows that what they are doing or have done is wrong and they don't like having to face that about themselves. They can justify all day long and make excuses to everyone else all day long but since we were the people they were married to, we know the truth and they know we do. I think there is also the resentment that they do have to work on their end, they can't just walk away and never look back. I have to ask myself this too, maybe I did too much for him and he was able to take me for granted because of it. Maybe I shouldn't have been so accommodating (sp?) where he was able to expect that as owed to him. He might have appreciated it more otherwise. I don't really know about that, just something that has popped into my head every once in a while and I consider it.

I agree that some of that anger at us is really their was of denying the guilt they feel.  Once they move on to another relationship (and that seems to be the norm, like they can't just end a marriage and be on their own) they want the old one gone like yesterday.  In my case, my stbx's g/f is pretty much calling the shots, which is one of the reasons he is so nasty with me.  He says she's insecure.  Really?  I'd have never guessed.  Their obligations to us, such as child support, alimony, or whatever just further stand in their way of running off to their perfect new lives.

You are 100% correct.  When you feel guilty a  defense mechanism is to blame the other person and get mad at them.  In the heat of the moment it may work for them temporarily but if they really get honest with themselves they will admit their fault and maybe even take some of the blame.

It seems that people are willing to throw away entire families at the drop of a hat to pursue a fleeting happiness for "them" and only them.  I am a firm believer you can't let circumstances define your happiness or depend only on someone else for personal joy.  That has to come within and if you don't find it within then the next relationship will suffer the same problems.  I used to be pretty angry but realized it didn't solve anything and made a choice to not be angry.  Oh I still get mad but not letting it "own" me.  I get it off my chest and forget it in a healthy way. 

 

Honesty is a big factor too.  People need to be really honest and get things out there so they can dealt with.  Holding it back only causes the resentment and anger I mentioned earlier. 

 

Too bad I'm in a situation where trust/honesty has been broken and I am desperately trying to regain it.  Time will tell if I have reason to trust her again or if I was lied to again.

 

Best of luck to you. 

I think that our exes get so angry at us because once they have decided that they are done with us, it's not an  automatic or easy out. They have to go through alot of work in their eyes to get to their new life and it seems that we are in the way.  I don't know how they can be with us for a long time, then all of a sudden decide that it's okay to change it all in the blink of an eye. Divorce is hard, very hard and it puts us through so much but it just seems that all they  want is what they want and that's it.  I guess I am very bitter because I have been through it more than once and all I ever did was try to love my ex and be the best wife I could and it just wasn't what he wanted I guess.