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  Posted to group - Difficult Ex's    <<Previous    Next>>

If you have been cheated on, was it something like this?

Did your spouse "fall out of love" but then "fall back in love"?  If so, how did they fall out, and how did they fall back in? 

 

I've had some great comments on my last couple of posts by people who were cheated on.  What I've learned from the comments, is that people who cheat on their spouses don't seem to be able to apologize or truly explain their actions. 

 

 So now, I am going to ask:  Were you told that your marriage was bad, and that is why your spouse cheated?  And if it was bad, did they communicate that with you before they cheated? 

 

 

Doesn't that leave the cheated spouse completely out of control of their married life with that person until they decide to simply end it?

 

Being at the mercy of someone's "happiness mood"  leaves the cheated spouse vulnerable to the cheater.  Is this truth, or just a manipulation?
by HereIgo   342 Posts 
Posted on 11/30/2008 8:51 AM
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Answers for "If you have been cheated on, was it something like this?"  (16) (You must be logged in to answer)
By the way, I feel that the whim's of your partner can be questioned even if there is not an affair...

Just look around on this site - there are plenty of people that simply are not happy and want to end their marriages and there is absolutely no cheating going on. The ending of a marriage is always based on someone's 'happiness' whims...

Also, I, being the cheater in my relationship, had thought about the shoe being on the other foot. I have thought about what him having an affair would feel like and what I would do. I have not had to put those theories to the test yet, but I know that I have a very forgiving nature though I do have even my own limits as to what is a true deal-breaker.

I could forgive a 1-night thing much better than a 1-year thing...and I have been cheated on in previous relationships, so I do know what it feels like and how much it hurt, even if it wasn't an actual marriage when that happened to me.

I am sorry you are going through this situation.
by Aimless   967 Posts
Posted on 12/2/2008 8:57 AM
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Well, again I hope to post my thoughts in a rational manner...

I did explain my actions - I did not justify or say I was right in my way of thinking/acting but did explain - and I truly felt/feel remorse. I probably feel remorse for the entire situation of mine more than anyone will ever truly understand unless they have lived through something such as I did.

I did tell him for years that we had problems and I was tired of the abuse, and that I did love him deeply through the abuse because of the good things seemed to outweigh the bad of the abuse. I never fell out of love with him - there were days I sure didn't like him very well, but I have never fallen out of love with him.

Yes, people say that I should have just filed for divorce instead of having an affair - I was never looking to have an affair, felt horrible enough about the 1 night that I never wanted to go back to that - and while they are correct in some ways, divorce was not an option for us because I hadn't done everything I could, and I wanted to make sure that I did everything I could before I filed. Divorce is rough on everyone and I had so much guilt about even thinking about divorce - I didn't want to get a divorce to simply get into another relationship, by the way - and even my in-laws did not want me to get divorced.

I cried, pleaded, begged, screamed, everything I could think of and still held out hope that things would get better...

I don't know if this helps any at all, but for her to explain why the affair happened, it might sound like it's your fault, even though it's not. It was her choice - even in my explanations to my husband, it sounds like I am blaming him, even though I truly am not...simply explaining why I got to the point of being so desperate as to go against everything I have ever believed in to cheat...and the awful consequences of the aftermath of it.

For me, my husband and I are trying to reconcile...and finally, no more abuse...so far.
by Aimless   967 Posts
Posted on 12/2/2008 8:51 AM