Search our site
divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

ADVERTISING PARTNERS


Answers
You can search for Answers by tag here:

Invite Others
Invite friends and family to join you on d360! - Click here
where do I start
Our checklists are a great place to start. Or, get a quick review of your state's divorce laws with our Legal Cheat Sheet.
  Posted to group - Should I Stay or Should I Go    <<Previous    Next>>

general questions about cheaters

My wife cheated on me and the first question I have is that I have heard that most women have to have an emotional tie when they have sex with someone which makes the affair a more difficult challenge to give up?  The second is what are people's thoughts on if cheaters really know the hurt and pain they cause others?  My wife says she wants to stay married and says she has fallen in love with me again (said she fell out of love earier) and we have enjoyed some good times since I found out. 

 

There was so much deceit and lies when the affair was going on and she filed for divorce (later dropped it) that it is very difficult to regain the trust we had before. 

 

Here is the really tough part, with all the things she has said about staying together and falling back in love I believe she either started the affair again or it never ended.

 

I had told her in a loving way before she dropped the divorce that I cannot be in a marriage where there is more than two people and I just need the truth. 

 

If the affair is going on again i can't figure out why she dropped everything.  She knows I don't want to be married to her if she is not faithful. 

 

Don't know if she is stringing me along for some reason or really wants to stay in the marriage but has a problem with cheating that she can't control.

 

 

All I know is hurts like hell to have someone do you wrong like that. 

 

If the affair is still going on I will probably file which is scary because when I make that decision there will be no turning back.

 

One last question,  I have a deep faith and know that forgiving is the right thing to do.  I really did that when I found out.   A thought I have had is that maybe she thinks that hey, he will put up with whatever I do because I cheated and he is still in the marriage.

 

My attitude is to pull out all the stops for saving my family/marriage but there is no way I can live a life where  cheating and lies are taking place.

 

 

 

 


by curious123   86 Posts 
Posted on 11/30/2008 7:17 AM
Get AlertsGet Alerts!
Sent to Friendsend to friend
0

Tags:


Answers for "general questions about cheaters"  (15) (You must be logged in to answer)




Curious, I would be careful with her motives .. my stbx stayed with me just long enough to pay off her car, her credit cards and start up a hidden savings account.
An inexpensive way of checking on her would be to use a GPS tracking device.
I do hope you are able to resolve this
by canary1922   104 Posts
Posted on 12/31/2008 10:12 AM
0





Thanks for all the responses.  I know that I cannot force her in whatever decision she makes.  I have tried to influence her but I really have realized she will have to make her own choice.   I sincerely hope she has made the commitment on the marriage but I am in the trust but verify mode.  I have thought that if I file she will know I am serious about the boundries I have set (faithfulness in our marriage).  However, when I get to the point of filingI I am the type that would have to follow through and make it final.  As much as it may hurt I would have to follow through as anything less would be asking for more of the same deceit.  I truely hope things work out.  I am hopeful but I keep thinking of the lies even when looking my spouse in the eye and saying I know you are not being honest and getting more lies.  Things seem to better recently and I hate to go backwards when it seems we are moving forward.   I hope to get to the point with everything considered that the trust is rebuilt to where we can be somewhere in the same realm as we were before the affair.  I just wish she could know what it feels like.  I am convinced that the cheater has no idea what it does to the betrayed spouse.....
by curious123   86 Posts
Posted on 12/8/2008 8:07 PM
0