Search our site
divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.


Community  :: Chat  :: Answers

ADVERTISING PARTNERS
Answers
You can search for Answers by tag here:

Invite Others
Invite friends and family to join you on d360! - Click here
where do I start
Our checklists are a great place to start. Or, get a quick review of your state's divorce laws with our Legal Cheat Sheet.
  Posted to group - Chat    <<Previous    Next>>

Unfortunately new to d360

Just joined d360, and I'm unfortunately new, because I wouldn't wish what has happened to me on my worst enemy. My husband, whom I've loved since I was 18, have been with for 7 years and married for 1 1/2 yrs just crushed my whole world. That's not even a strong enough term. He told me on Sunday that he feels like he's changing, like he's becoming a different person, he doesn't know who he is, he cheated on me with another woman, and he has to leave. I don't understand any of it. I was mess through Monday and now I think I'm in shock. He's going on a work trip for a couple weeks and when he gets back he's moving in with a friend. When he walks out the door I look at him as  though I'm never going to see him again. I should hate him, I should be getting angry and out of my mind. But all I can feel is utter sadness and loneliness. I've tried everything to get him to stay. All the way down to begging and telling him we could sell everything and move to Colorado if that's what he wanted. He just says he's no good for me, and that he needs to figure things out on his own. I get little sleep, I can barely eat, I've lost 12 lbs in 6 days, I'm so scared and alone when he's gone - I can't imagine what it will be like when he actually moves out. I just need some kind words pls

 
by bear1821   331 Posts 
Posted on 11/29/2008 9:02 AM
Get AlertsGet Alerts!
Sent to Friendsend to friend
0

Tags:

Answers for "Unfortunately new to d360"  (14) (You must be logged in to answer)
I am so sorry that you are going trough this, i have gone trough this painful experience 3 times with the same person and the pain is too much to handle. I just want to let you know that we are all hear to at least hear you out. DON'T BLAME YOURSELF a person could leave for just about any reason even if the marriage was fine. You are very important, get help from trusted family or friends to be there for you. I know how hard it is to get trough some days but we will get trough them. MUCH Love to you.
by rogerone   76 Posts
Posted on 12/1/2008 1:16 AM
0



I'm new here too and know the feeling.  My wife cheated on me.  My approach was to get counseling and change things I needed to change.   Everything that goes with cheating is very hard emotionally.  I really thought she would never do that.  I actually thought I would be the one but have never let myself get in a situation where I would, out of respect for her.

It is devastating to think the one who said "I do" didn't.  I did decide to take the high road and forgive but rebuilding trust is very difficult because there is a lot of suspicion.  

 

I am basically in limbo as I am not convinced the affair has really ended (there goes the suspicion) but also have decided to let things ride until this is confirmed.

I really don't understand how a spouse could cheat.  Maybe it's their way of testing the waters to see if they can find someone else if they do decide to leave.  In my book I think it is kind of cowardly because if you think things are so bad to end the marriage then do it and look for something else afterwards.  I have read that infidelity is the most cruel thing a spouse can do to their spouse and I know this to be true by experience.  A divorced friend of mine said he wouldn't wish the pain on his worst enemy and I have to agree.  The feeling is one of those where you really can't understand it until you've been there. 

 

Be the best person you can be and show him why he married you.  He will have to make his own choice and by no means try and force him to do what you want him to do, it will drive him away.

I wish the best for you however things turn out....
by curious123   86 Posts
Posted on 11/30/2008 8:21 AM
0



You've come to the right place! As you can see from the responses you've gotten, you are most definitely not alone. You'll find sympathy, empathy, and good advice abounds.

I agree with Trisha, get yourself into counseling as soon as you can. It sounds like you're going through the "shock" stage right now, but that will morph itself into something else. And a counselor can help you morph it into something good instead of something destructive.

Except for a cheater with someone on the side to jump to, I suspect we all feel the fear of loneliness to some extent or other. For me, it was acute, and it seems to be that way for you, too. Whatever the degree, that's normal. The bad news is that fear of an unknown future can make you do things that otherwise make no sense, or not do things you really need to do.

Like doing everything you can to stay with someone you really should leave. Or not leaving when you know you should. This is another good reason to pursue counseling. Talking things over with an "impartial observer" can help you recognize the fear-driven stuff and then deal with it appropriately.

One last thing... You say you should hate him, feel angry, etc. Be careful with this, though. I'd rather hear say you hate