What to do when you find the person you were in love with never truly existed?

What you are describing is exactaly what I am going through. I have discovered that my husband had been living a double life also. I knew something was amiss but never really made the connect like he took total advantage of me. I believe he also has a narcisstic personality disorder which goes hand in hand with sex addiction. I don`t know who he is,its like someone turned a light on and now I look back and see all the signs. These meexploit women. They have devised a system aand when it becomes dismantled they get very upset,it is good to know I am not alone

Betabear - you hit the nail on the head! They just don't want the guilt. It is even more difficult when you were best friends once....and now feel like strangers....



 

My husband was like that too. After much reflection I came to the realization that I cared about him more than I cared about myself. I will never let my life become that unbalanced again.

Well he was not being himself or real so you were mot in love with him- but the image of him.
You move forward- step by step. You will heal - and will be ok!

You, think you know someone,
You have been with for such a long time.
Then they stab you in the back, multiple times and
then they ask you for forgiveness.
Classic abusive behavior.
Once you begin to enable them, (allow the bad behavior)
it will only continue except to higher heights.
Almost like they are testing you.
Remember though, most of all, they do it til YOU leave,
to relieve themselves of any guilt.  That makes you the bad
guy, so they feel like "I had no choice, she made me do
it.  Your not stupid Myduffey,  You just loved him, trusted
him because you wanted to.   Leading a double life like you
said, must make you very confused and angry.  You
were blinded by Love.  He was selfish and preferred to
avoid any conflict, so he just kept quiet.  What an A#$.
I feel your pain. 

Oh hurtenough - think we're married to the same person?  I feel the same way.  He wants to work it out.  I aksed him to get help.  He didn't because I didn't sound "enthusiatic" enough about it.  Sadly - I do love him - or at least care for him very deeply.  For 20 years he's been my partner, my best friend.  Ugh

OMG...you sound like me! The only difference is that I have 30 years, ten more years than you...don't know how to not have that happen again, I know for myself at this point I don't think I will ever trust anyone again.

His last affair has been going on for almost four years...how could I not know...trusted him too much I guess...I left him, moved out 6 weeks ago...now he broke it off with her and wants me back...I feel now I'm the "thrill of the

chase" for him...

I feel like my marriage, life as I knew it, was a lie, it wasn't what I thought it was...I was being good...took care of everything and made most of the money...I feel so taken advantage off...

But the sad thing is, I still love him...maybe I love the man he could have been...