Cheating is the new norm

I took my vows serious enough to try to forgive her for 5 years after her affair only to be treated worse.  This year on my B-day she destroyed what was left of my faith in the Catholic church and any of man's religions when she told me I had to forgive her because the church had.  It was then that I asked for a divorce and didn't change no matter how much she cried and acted like she was "sorry".  I lost my belief in marriage forever then too.  I had 21 years that I had been faithful and hadn't even considered cheating, although I had been propositioned many times.  I spent 20 years in the Army and spent a lot of time away form home and had opportunity and was accused of cheating, but never once considered it. 

I  don't believe that all those that take their vows seriously are here.  I know that my FIL did, but he wanted to die to be able to get away from his wife.  I should have listened to him when he warned me that stbx was just like MIL.

It's sad. I couldn't believe the number of people in my life who think adultery is a big deal, of course, but also...I don't know...think it's also something which just...happens. Like a disease or something.

The problem with cheaters and giving them respect or not is that they probably don't care whether they get respect or not.  After all cheating is a disrespectful act to begin with.

The only way to gain that respect back to admit the wrong and never do it again.

Not sure anymore who has true spiritual convictions but I believe that eventually cheaters will be held accountable for all the people they hurt and by breaking their vows ordained by God.  They may get away with it in this world system but NOBODY is beyond the reach of their creator.  I have made many mistakes but cheating on my marriage partner with another person is not one of them.  Don't know what the penalty for adultery is but I do know one day they will stand before their creator and be accountable for their actions.  They can be forgiven but repentance must come with forgiveness.

Adultry is considered in wv and yes I named the ow. It did help me in getting money.

I too thought the vows taken in front of, God, the minister, friends and family were serious.  What an idiot I was.  I do know that while I may forgive God doesn't forget and that is where this whole new agey karma junk comes in. Take pride in the fact that you were true to yourself and your vows.  After all the reflection in the mirror says it louder than anything else.

It is a sad state when cheating as become the norm and lack any true reaction. So much for true love.

My attorney told me that all I can hope to recoupe from my husbands affair is the marital money he spent on these women.  Of course I have to come up with the receipts and proof.  Thank you for all your heartfelt comments.  I'm glad I asked.

It's heartbreaking to see that cheating on your spouse and abandoning your kids is fine with our judicial system.  So we get to suffer.

I agree with Klas, I also have no respect for anyone who cheats, no matter what trumped up reason they use. My wife cheated and would never admit it. She never gave any hint she was missing anything from our marriage, just one day she announced that she did not want to be married. When I talked with my lawyer she informed me that even though my ex was committing adultery it did not matter to the courts. So our family was broken up, kids suffering the most, all our extended family hurt, unbelievable expense. Seems like too much pain to not mean a thing in court.

I think society has made divorce too easy. Of course, getting married seems to be easier too. I took my vows seriously and I struggle with that because on one hand I don't feel married anymore since I know he is seeing her and he isn't living here and hasn't for two and a half months. He has distanced himself so much from me that I don't feel that bond with him. I know that legally, I am still married for a few more months but I really feel like he ended the marriage on the day he told me he loved someone else and didn't love me anymore. I believe there are people who do take the vows seriously, I just question my judgement in realizing who those people are. It is a shame that people that would honor those vows don't end up with each other and the ones that don't can end up with other ones that don't and they could divorce each other over and over again if they want to.

to answer freedom question where are all the people who took their vows seriously? they are here. hurting. i also live in IL and adultry is not grounds for divorce and whatsmore marital misconduct doesn't even enter into settlement decisions. they not only get to cheat but most times profit from it at our expense. my heart aches at the loss of my family, the man i thought i would grow old with. i don't know about karma but i know i didn't do anything but love him and i don't deserve this either.

Cheating maybe the new norm, but for me I would never cheat. I have been cheated on and I know only too well the pain and misery it brings. Cheaters are family wreckers. And a family is a sacred unit. I hold no respect for those who cheat.

Why do we bother to take vows if they don't mean anything?  My stbx has stolen, cheated, and bluntly informed me that it doesn't really matter in terms of the divorce.

I still want to believe it's only the norm for cheaters. 

One more thing, I don't believe in karma.  I've never hurt anyone enough to have to deal with this....

Yeah it is sad that adultery isn't even considered anymore in a divorce, I guess you could say--hey I should have cheated on the ass before he had the chance to cheat on me!!  All they get is a slap slap on the hand for it, so who cares the court and judges don't that's for sure.  I had a friend tell me that the majority of divorces end becuz there's a 3rd party involved and I believe him when he says this and he also told me about his divorce from his wife recently, he said there was a 3rd party involved and I said oh--who was the guy--becuz his wife really is nothing to look at--he said it was another woman!!  Floored me!!!  Yeah it's sad that people think it's okay and it's normal to just cheat to get out of a marriage.  They are unhappy and start looking for someone else and I guess they figure we are disposable so move on to the next one.  Where are the people who stay married forever and until death do us part thing?  Where are the people who take their vows seriously?!!  Where have all those people gone to?!!  I have no clue.  I guess our family values and morals have gone down the crapper!! And it sucks to tell ya the truth!! It truly does, becuz it not only destroys marriages, but destroys kids lives to.