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What is wrong with me?

I tried to call my stbx and he did not answer the phone.  I am sure he is with the OW and won't be bothered with me.  It drives me nuts that he just doesn't care anymore.  He claims he still loves me, that he is still in love with me but justifys where he is by saying I don't want him, and it is true NOW.  He is an alcoholic and he will never change and I know it.  I have been reduced to crying and sniffling over this loss.  Why is it upsetting me so much that he is with her when I know it is over with me and it is for the best?   

by camo   26 Posts 
Posted on 11/24/2008 11:32 PM
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Answers for "What is wrong with me?"  (8) (You must be logged in to answer)




Camo,
there is NOTHING wrong with YOU! The question is what is wrong with him? You have already answered that question. When you leave a man or you mutually decide to split, a man will try every trick in the book to make you feel ashamed, unworthy, unattractive I could go on and on. There is nothing wrong with you, you are great the way you are!
by SadDeltaGirl   24 Posts
Posted on 11/26/2008 10:07 AM
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Because you're a decent person whose love doesn't turn on and off with the flick of a switch, is why you feel like you do.

If you graph your "sorrow curve" vs. his, in my experience yours would be really steep at the beginning and probably higher than his overall, but will relatively quickly begin to move downwards.

His, on the other hand, is really shallow right now since all his emotional energy is being directed towards another person...you're not incorrect in feeling replaced. That's what he's trying to do. Unfortunately for him, his sorrow curve will continue to get taller and steeper over the course of the next months, perhaps years. At some time (for me it was about a half a year after the breakup) the two curves will cross and you'll see that he's the one who is now facing some serious emotions.

I was stunned...early on I was sending pictures of our gardens and talking about how we used to be...now, he's doing almost the exact same thing. It's eerie.
by Natalie   729 Posts
Posted on 11/26/2008 12:14 AM
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There's nothing wrong with you. I seen your page, married 6 years. Six years of effort, love, hurting, and more I'm sure. Just knowing it's over with you is not going to get you where you need to be with this. Six years to get here, it'll take time to get where you need to be. It takes time to heal just like it took time to love. Time will happen. Everyone is different and the time they need will range, but there is nothing wrong with you. You are normal in what you feel. Let yourself feel it.
by CHRISTOPHER36   806 Posts
Posted on 11/25/2008 11:05 PM
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Too often, people don't realize they are losing a loved one just the same as if the person died: they must go through all the stages of grief before they can accept and begin to heal. Add to that the bonus frustration, anger, sense of betrayal...It takes time, and I know that sucks but that really is the best remedy. Have you begun therapy or considered it?

Best of luck

by delia_M   2861 Posts
Posted on 11/25/2008 10:59 PM
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Well,My husdand was alcoholic when we frist got married my family and kids told me he wouldn't stop.Well he did and it been 6years now.But back then things where not good and know things are still the same.He now cares more about work and playing the drumes.He has been talking about the old days when he did drink I dont know why but I think he may start again .I drink a little not all the time or any thing. But I have had to put my life on hold for him.Well what Iam trying to say I know how you feel it hurts so bad in side when you lose so one you love,I lost him a long time a go.He may be home but his mind and heart is'nt.The best thing you can do is to forgive,love and learn.And what ever you do think about your self frist.And know you where to good for him.Take care hope the best for you.Sorry about my spelling
by smell   36 Posts
Posted on 11/25/2008 10:48 PM
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If I think too much about why my stbx left me after 26 years I sink to a low attitude.  My stbx and I haven't talked on the phone for over six months. I gave up trying and he doesn't really care so why would he call?  Oh, the pain of it all!!!  But time does slowly heal.  Be alone so much of the time I have had time to reflect on our 26 years.  There were a few good years but mostly years with me doing all the giving and being really forgiving of his short comingsand him being verbally and mentally abusive.  He really treat me horrible. Now I see that and I try to visualize a future. I am so waiting for my divorce to happen.
by KLAS   162 Posts
Posted on 11/25/2008 9:55 PM
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My husband was well is a drunk too.  He was also abusive.  I know that I am better off, not only an I better off but my children are better off with out him.  I too have called to get no answer and I too have seen him with the other women.  He has cheated on me three times and I hurt.  For the past few days since I saw him I have done nothing but drink  all while ignoring my children.  I found this site and I have finally been able to cry.  My suggestion just keep writing on the site.  Although everyone on  here keeps saying give it time, it helps, to know that I am not the only one who feels like this.
by Drgiggles   38 Posts
Posted on 11/25/2008 12:14 PM
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I know exactly how you feel! I just finished my divorce last week, and ever since the day my wife lest me she stated I love you, but I want a divorce. after that she refused to talk to, and I believe the reason is that she hurts so much and misses she is just trying to act like I never existed. In court all she did was stare at me, and I could tell that she misses me, but not 1 month after she lest me she found some old guy to sleep with.
 I know as you do we are both better off, and that our x"s are most likely going to cause more headache for them-selves ignoring us and not at least trying to learn from each others mistakes.
 It is very difficult I know, I still love and miss mine, and is emotionally upsetting.
 Only time will help, try to think more of your-self, and take care of you, that is all we can do
 The kick in the pants for me was in the settlement agreement my wife had put in that we have absolutely no contact, so try to keep that chin up, though is not easy, and remember in life things happen for a reason, even if we do not understand it!

by mocus   14 Posts
Posted on 11/25/2008 6:33 AM
0







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