Seeing your stbx

Fake it till you can make it..  I tell myself that everyday.  This is especially important to do in front of him.  Bad enough that he has left,, seems to be having a good old time. Don't let him see how he gets to you.  I know it is very hard to carry on when you have been placed in a situation that you did not want to be in.. I am going through that myself.  My husband cheated on me, is now living with his mistress, and barely makes any attempts to see the children or be in their lives, other than a card here or there.  I hate to see how he seems to go on as if his life is just awesome.. especially when I feel so bad all the time.  My husband did not leave with me at home, due to his job.. but he was home every weekend.  Now when Friday evening approaches, I find myself looking at the door constantly like if I am expecting him to arrive.  The few times that he came to see the children, I kept waiting for him to feel some connection to me once again,, pathetic huh?  Sadly, for me and my expectations, that did not happen.  It is so hard to let go, to keep your feelings under control,, and to accept that life will never be the same again.  I don't know if he is truly happy,, I don't know if he thinks of the life we used to have,, all I see is that he appears to be perfectly content with the decision to be with someone else.  It makes me mad, sad... and it is so hard to make it through each day. 

I hear ya about the wavering feelings.  My "final hearing" for my divorce is coming up Dec 1st, and I get so nervous when I think about it.  Seeing her just stirs up emotions, and as you, seeing the stbx not apparently give a damn as they've so easily "moved on", just makes a person angry.
    I've been doing pretty well recently, as I had a problem checking her myspace pages (simply just to see her, but also always a bit curious), well let me tell you, looking at that stuff does nothing good for me.  Curiousity really was at the root of that evil.  
    Maybe a part of us, even a small part, believes that when we see the stbx, there's some chance of change, and when that doesn't happen, that's when we get angry-Angry at ex for how we believe they wronged us and marriage, as well as angry at yourself for having some desire to be with a person that has obviously let you down and hurt you.  
    I agree it's just best to diminish contact as much as you can, and try to find some comfort in the unknown future, as opposed to living in the past by recreating memories in a favorable light.  Good luck to you.

They are not going through the same divorce we are. They think the grass is greener on the other side and are anticipating how great things are going to be for them while we are mourning the loss of our marriage and what has happened. In the long run, they will find out that is not the case. I would want to see my stbx because I was used to it but soon realized that it just hurt me more, it hurt me to see him so distant and uncaring. I do better when I don't have to deal with him at all. There are still times I would like to knock him out. The thing is, it won't fix or solve anything and I would probably just break my hand. (sometimes I think it would be worth it).... It does get better, although I really didn't like hearing that because I wanted it to be better sooner not later. It is a process though and you have to go through it. You can take steps to heal faster but you still have to go through the entire process. (no skipping steps allowed, no wonder I have always had a problem with authority)..Hang in there and keep posting, it truly does help....

It's the opposite for me. When we're not in contact, I feel pretty good; when we are, I don't. I can imagine how that must feel and hope it'll get better soon.

I've only been separated for six months, but lately things seem to be coming around with increasing speed...I'm not sure if how I'm feeling about him caused it, or is a result of something else, or a combination of both.

I feel the same way, Its been about 5 months and things seem to be getting better,then when i least expected i brake down, two last days have been just part great and part crying myselft to sleep. I still love and miss my wife, and its difficult when we have to see each other, specially when things seem like they are okay and all, we don't argue, fight or anything, we get along really well, yet she still wants out. Hopefully things will turn out better for all of us,take care.

It will get easier over time.  You might have a week of good days, and then two weeks of bad.  Or vise versa.  Who doesn't have thoughts of their stbx coming home, fixing a marriage, family life, etc?  And then again, who doesn't want to push them over a cliff or knock their lights out?  It's all normal thought process.  We just don't do the latter.

What you are feeling is normal and as time goes by things will get easier. I still feel like pushing my stbx off a cliff sometimes for the pain he has caused me and our children.