Thoughts on Getting over it? Not by a long shot

YEP, your feelings are normal.    But your are punnishing yourself when you look into her.  Like picking a scab thats itches, you just cant help it. But in the end it makes it just alittle worse and leaves a possibility for infection.
 Cheating is the worst thing you can do to a marriage. It not only breaks your trust and turns your world upside down but it makes you feel like you failed when it was them who in fact failed you.   You do what you feel is right. If that means holding out for a better market to sell the house, so be it.  But  dont hurt yourself anymore by looking into what she is doing. WHen you get wrapped up in her life, you forget to live yours. It will get better and one day you will see you dont even care what him, her or they are doing. You will have better things to do.  As far as him saying you sponged off of his paycheck for all those years. Think of it as a small payment for  wasting your love on a small man.  Go for that severance pay.  raising kids full time, caring for a husband and a home is more than a 40 hour a week job and you were  probaly UNDER paid anyways.
 Take care and good luck.

What's with these chasers.  I think we should find out anyway we can about others.  You probably didn't know this guy anyway.  Most chasers are that way all their lives.  One of the dead giveaways to people who are chasers is the party life.  They also have less self esteem then others. People who feel good about themselves feel good about others.  By the way listen to Dr. Laura Slasinger I hope I spelled this right.  She's great.  I didn't realize how rampant this chasing is.  I also noticed another thing about chasers.  They have no depth.

What makes it so hard to move on is the effect it has on my daughters. They suffer from the divorce, no matter how they try to be happy it always invades their heart every time they see me and their mom together. I don't know if I will ever stop being disgusted by my ex and her cheating, not just on me but our family. She does not think she did anything wrong, she thinks her happiness was and still is paramount to anyones needs, including her children.

Yeah I have to agree that it's hard to move on when you are still hanging out there in limbo, with regards to fighting about support and getting the house sold.  I've had my house for sale since January of this year and nothing has happened becuz let's face it the market sucks right now.  And I really feel that I could get over a big part of him walking out if I could just get this house sold find another place to move into with my boys and start over and start fresh!!  Hell he didn't have a problem walking out and starting a new life with the bitch, so I'm ready to do that here and now!!  I was ready months ago, clear back in February when we had our first offer and he wouldn't accept the offer becuz it was too low!!  Well guess what we recently went back to court (I took him back on contempt charges) and the court lowered the price of the home--and the price that it is now is ALOT lower than what he would have accepted from that offer back in February--bet he could kick himself in the ass now for not taking that offer!!! :)  Oh well sucks to be him!! :)  Hang in there and stay strong!!

Thank you for your kind posts.  I am trying to move on I really am, but then we all backslide sometimes.  I do go to therapy and she's a super woman who always confronts me when I do things - like looking up the OW's divorce document, or wanting to contact her ex.  I don't think I will be able to move on until this is over - house sold etc,  We are fighting over support - he says I deserve nothing because I lived off of him for 22 years while I stayed home with the kids.  I make 1/4 of what he makes - so I will like in substandard housing if I take what he is offering.  Anyway -- Thanks again for the good suggestions and kind words.  I needed to feel that someone understood.

If he cheated on you, what is the purpose for hanging on? Yes, we all take time to heal but you are making it worse for yourself. Let him go...he isnt worth it anyway. You will be fine but you need to start worrying about yourself and your happiness and let the cheater go. A year from now, you will look back at this and wonder why you obsessed for so long. To me, what he did was the ulitmate betrayal. You can do better.

http://singleparentsunite.blogspot.com/

Definately, a cheating spouse is the worse betrayel.  Especailly after so many years invested with him.  I was married 26 years and it still hurts if I think to much on how fast he walked away from our family. But both you and I know we will heal, but it will take time.  I will never have any form of respect for my stbx (lower case because he doesn't deserve uppper case letters). And to be any woman or girl that breaks a marriage will never be anything but a family wrecking slut.

I'm sorry you are going thru this and let me say I know what you are going thru.  I was married 17 yrs and my ex cheated on me with a co-worker (aka the tramp) and it hurt like hell, becuz you feel so betrayed and then everyone, that hasn't gone thru this before, tells you that you need to move on and get over it!!  Yeah okay let someone take your heart out of your chest and stomp all over it and then tell me how it feels.  Everyone heals differently and I read once that for every 4 yrs you were married it takes 1-2 yrs to recover and heal.  I hope that's not the case, some heal faster than others, but I hope to heal a hell of alot faster than that!!  You both had a past together and it's hard to let go so quickly of all of that and I can't blame you.  Yeah I have to admit I looked the bitch's divorce record up on the computer becuz she walked out on her two kids to go live with my ex (aka the loser), and who knows why--but I don't call her a mother I call her a mother F****R, but that's neither here nor there...anyways I digress....yeah I looked her record up on the computer and I also from time to time for shits and giggles look up and see if they have filed for a marriage license yet becuz he told my boys--you will have to get used to her becuz I'm gonna marry her one day--yeah like he knows what marriage is all of a sudden.  Too funny!!  It sucks going thru this emotional rollar coaster ride, but time will heal all wounds, and I also like to say that this too will pass!!  I also like the saying--that KARMA is a bitch and I love her becuz karma is already working on my ex --YIPPEE!! :)  So hang in there and you need to focus on you and heal at your own speed don't let anyone tell you how long it should take you to heal...only you know that answer!!  Good luck to you!! :)

Hi I'm Siri, Dr. Dan's wife.  I'm very sorry for your the challange you are going through.  My husband and I have been through so much.  I know you must be hurting so much right now.  Understand that it isn't you!  He has made his decisions which only has to do with his own internal obstacles he's going through.  I truly believe in commitment means forever and ever no matter what but when someone is doing what he's doing then it's up to you to continue to move forward, take care of you completely and if he decides to come along then great.  If he decides to continue his behavior and not grow forward with you then he will be left behind.  I know I make it sound so black and white and I know when you're in it it doesn't feel like that.  But you must take care of you first, you obviously can't make his choices for him, the only thing you can control is yourself.  All the things you are feeling are totally normal, he betrayed your trust and your commitment to one another.  His behavior is like a child.  Anger is never a justifiable reaction for any adult, for a child it's ok because they are learning how to communicate their emotions but for him to respond with anger when he's the one who was in the wrong is childish.  Do your best not to fall into his games he will try to play with you to get a rise out of you.  Like a child they unconcously feel that bad attention is better than no attention at all.  If you need someone to talk to my husband is offering anyone on this site a free coaching session to help you with what ever you need assistance in.  He's a best selling author, coaches hundreds of people in the U.S and UK, has his own radio show, and does many seminars.  I just want you to know that he knows what he's doing and has helped many people.  You can check him out at http://www.MakeTheWorldYourStage.com
Good luck to you and many blessings!