I feel so pathetic

I am now divorced 4 months now, and I still love and miss

my abusive and cheating ex-husband.  We have a

wonderful and loving 10 year old son together.  This man

I was married to for over 12 years was emotionally and

mentally abusive to me from almost the start.  It only got

worse as time went on. Why do I feel so pathetic, you ask?

Well its because I still can't move on, I am obsessive

sometimes over thinking about him. And I hate myself for it.

I hate that my son has lost his family unit, and has to be

bounced back and forth between his parents like a ping-

pongball. Its my fault, at least that what he continues to say.

 I'm lonley, sad, depressed, angry, confused, the whole

ball of wax.  I have been in this state of mind for over a

year now and I just want to be happy.  I am sick of being

depressed.  I want to move on, as he obviously has, but

I feel sucked down into a vortex of sadness most of the

time.  He is still with the woman