I'm tired of the name calling every time we have a disagreement

Well, this is my first post here and my first day to join and read posts. I find this group to be knowledgeable and supportive. My husband and I have been married nearly 13 years now. A first for both of us and we married later in life. He has always been controlling and I let him. I didn't feel that I should be the leader mainly due to the fact that he has the money. It was his house we lived in, until 2 years ago and he is a control freak. We have one child and no more to be. We are also much older parents. Not by choice, but because of my fertility issues and marrying later. Anyway, throughout this marraige, my weight has creeped up and with hormonal changes going on for several years, it is much higher now than when we married. Ok, I was way underweight 13 years ago. I have put on 50 pounds and still look pretty good for my age of 44. Most guess me at 35. I do have lovehandles and a bit of a pouch. Everytime we get into an argument, he goes right for the juggler and begins his nasty little comments on my weight and what a ugly body I have, etc. Yet he still wants to have sex with me. Still desires me. Our sex life has not been a vigorous one, getting together about every 2 weeks or so. Lately, less. It's my fault. I have no sex drive, zero labido. I'm hormonal and since moving I am home sick and my allergies have gone NUTS. I'm sick all the time, so it seems. I don't desire other men, and neither one of us has cheated. Yet. When we were just dating, we only saw each other on weekends so it was more so then. He brings that up too. My husband controls all finances. Always has. I had to demand an allowance to pay for my own needs and wants. Since moving, we are in a very high tax bracket now. We sold property high during the boom. He controls all the income still. I feel that I am entitled to something, thus the allowance. He had me quit working years ago and now I am caregiver of our child, and want to be. I don't want someone else raising her and he doesn't either. So now, we are not speaking and I'm thankful. He always hurts me verbally. I can't seem to do much right in his mind. Can't even keep our homes clean enough for his likes. Blah blah blah....... I'm tired of the verbal abuse. I'm tired of his control over everything. I'm afraid of losing everything in a divorce. I don't know my rights. I don't want him to know if I go to a lawyer. I don't want this small know it all town to get wind of this and be made to look like some bitch on the take. I'm rather lost feeling. Not sure if I want to take a final step in this marraige, yet I'm sure it's the way to go at this point. Neither one of us is truly happy. I am tired of him threatening me with getting a girlfreind on the side for sex if I don't put out. After this long together, he is now insisting on 2 times per week. If I were a guy, there is no way I could get it up. I'm just not interested in the same old boring sex anymore. I'm rambling and going nowhere in my quest for help....... Sorry. I'll try later to get it together better and have a better mind set.