Resolve...how do you keep it?

Well, I can get really mad but I can't stay mad long either, I don't like how it feels. Once I have my say, I am more even keeled as well. If you feel in your heart that she will not put the same effort in that you would be willing to put in, then you have to ask yourself if you will be content to be in a relationship with someone you love more than they love you. If you want to move on without her. Put emotional distance there. Don't talk to her unless it pertains to the divorce or kids if you have them. Limit your conversations to texts or emails as much as possible. Let her calls go to voicemail, you can listen and call back when it is convenient for you. If it is important, she will leave a message. Keeping that distance will allow you to become more firm in what it is that you want. (if you want to move on without her)...If you are considering staying with her, are you going to trust her? What will you do if there is a next time? You just have to ask yourself those questions and find out what it is that you truly want. If you move on without her but can do so without hate or anger, that is ok...No one wants to be angry all the time, it changes who you are. It can make you into someone you don't like anymore. Make a list of pros and cons. When you waver, look at the list..That can help..Good luck...

My name is Siri and my husband Dr. Dan Ardebili is a best selling author, personal coach, and public speaker in relationships and attraction.  It’s our love and passion to help people to find happiness in their relationships, so let’s see if I can shed some light on this for you!  Right now you said you’re scared to leave anger behind and allow yourself to move on.  First of all you must recognize that anger is an acceptable emotion to feel with what you went through.  But holding onto it is your choice.  By not letting it go you are only punishing and hurting yourself, not her, only you.  It puts a halt on your own personal growth.  I think you owe yourself a clear path not clouded by anger.  Understand that the choice she made was her choice.  No one got into her shoes and controlled her to do what she did.  I do believe that certain things happen for a reason.  Have you ever thought that this was something you had to go though, no matter how crappy it may seem right now, so you can become the man you are meant to be in the future?  It’s up to you how you want to look at it.  But I know there will be a day that you look back on this and think, “Thank God!”  You will be in a relationship that is committed, a relationship you deserve to be in.  I know you may miss what you two had together.  I’m sure I would feel the same way to in your shoes.  You both shared love and happy times together.  And I know you will have it again without having to go though all of this.  If you need any extra help my husband Dr. Dan offers Dating, Relationship, & Life coaching over the phone. To all members of this site he’s giving one free personal coaching call, to help you on your way.  Many Blessings and Good Luck!  Here's his web page!
http://www.MakeTheWorldYourStage.com

No, it is a good perspective & good points ann.  Thank you.  She has not done any of those things.

i don't stay mad long either but that is not to say i ignore the situation. and it is hard to forgive someone who hasn't asked for it or taken steps to ensure IT doesn't happen again. Cheating, like other negative behaviour flourishes in a group who condone it. "Come on, everyone is doing it." sometimes it is not enough to say i'm sorry. you have to make it right. hang on to your feelings of conditional forgiveness. Sorry is step 1. i could be slightly hard on the subject though considering my situation.