Trial

I just wrote a blog about my court day. I didn't take anything I could have.

Please do what's right for you and your children - it's what you want and deserve. You dedicated a lot of time and love in your marriage.
 
I completely forgot about health care and now am scrambling to get in any needed doctors visits as the company will cancel mine upon receipt of the final decree.

Are you going to post this to Legal Answers if you have questions? Spaz has fabulous solid advice.

I am glad you already have a response from jhs. That's what is great about this community. We can read responses from many men and woman going through similar circumstances.
Good luck to you with the outcome of your trial.

Your lawyer should be able to chew him up and spit him out.

Not sure about the kids college costs, but you can  ask for something. May not be mandated by law, but morally, him kicking in something is the right thing to do. I know in my case, support legally ended at 18, but I kept paying it to him(albeit it wasn't a whole lot) until he graduated with his BA. But he had a good scholorship, and it didn't take a whole lot to fill in the gap.

Spousal support should be based on earnings capacity. And after 23 years, ought to go on a long time. The objective is, in CA at least, that you develop the means to support yourself. So some kind of schedule with decreasing payment amounts might make sense. But don't let him get off with nothing, especially if he makes 3x what you do (that'd probably be a mere 2x if you shifted to full time).

I'm personally objecting to paying for my STBX's COBRA, but we're contemplating a fairly hefty spousal support agreement. I'd rather give her the money and let her take care of it herself. But no issue keeping her on my work insurance until the divorce is final. If he's objecting to that, you've got a real jerk on your hands.

And you ought to be able to hit him for half of any retirement funds (401k, IRA, etc.) that have been accumulated during the marriage. If he had anything substantial when you were married, he ought to get it back, and IMHO he ought to "own" the growth on that part of it. But everything else ought to be split 50:50. Again, if your lawyer has the info, he ought to be able to force that into the settlement agreement. With a properly phrased QDRO approved by the court, the 401k/IRA custodian will transfer whatever amounts are specified into a rollover IRA in your name with no tax implications.

Sounds to me like you're being a financial doormat. Don't waste it all on lawyer's fees, but don't get the shaft either.