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Posted to group - Should I Stay or Should I Go

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Sex and Marraige

Two years ago. My wife stopped giving me oral sex because she no longer felt like it. Then it was sex once a week then once every two weeks then 6 months then I gave up trying then eight months after that.

So, I confronted her over and over about the sex issue. I got I am too fat, no sex drive, tired, etc.....

O I almost forgot we have no kids and two dogs.

Now she has a bunch of sex toys she loves to use and she had me use them on her but got nothing in return....

After a while I did not want anything to do with them because I was not getting any why should I help out. But before I always gave he a helping hand and she would return the favor.

So, I ordered the playboy channel to see if this could spice things up. Well she only works a half of a day and takes a nap for the rest of the day until I come home. So, I had the talk again about sex and she lets it slip out that when she gets home alone just before her nap she watches playboy and uses her toys and goes to sleep!!!!

I asked is that fare to me?

She says NO, and that is it.

So, I suggest that I move into the spare bedroom and she says no because she likes me there in the bed for security. At this point it has been all out fighting and nothing has changed as far as sex goes. I asked if I can get a girlfriend to take care of my needs and I got NO. I asked how is this fare? I have needs too!!!

So, I was taking care of myself and she caught me and told me that I was disgusting! (Funny!!!) She does it and it is ok..

Now at this point the fighting is about control.

But, when do I walk away or start cheating on my wife?

Can I have a happy balance with cheating on my wife?

Or do I walk away?

What should I do?

by trouble 3 Posts
Posted on 11/13/2008 2:01 PM

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Tags: sex , no , cheat , wife

Answers for "Sex and Marraige" (14) (You must be logged in to answer)

I must say you guys are a bunch of bleeding hearts. The advice I took from you guys SUCKED!!! Talk it out you can work it out have hope. OK nothing worked and trust me if you are not getting sex at home the other person is getting it somewhere else.... Thanks for NOTHING!!!!!!!!!

by trouble 3 Posts
Posted on 5/19/2009 12:31 PM

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well my husband and I have the exact same problem but probably not for the same reasons. I don't have such sex with my husband because I loathe him, he curses and fusses at me and then wants me to lay on my back. I just cant do it. I don't mind if he masturbates even in front of me, just so he leaves me alone. Now your wife, I don't know what her problem is, but have you thought about that she may not be able to reach an orgasm through sex? Maybe she can only have one with a "toy" , and maybe she is afraid to tell you that she has been faking orgasms. I know that can be a blow a mans self esteem regarding his sex skills. Some women ar non-orgasmic through sex and can only have an orgasm by direct clitoral stimulation, which no man can roll his tongue as fast as a "bullet"(toy). my be you should ask her about this. Please don't cheat if your marriage is worth saving.

by SadDeltaGirl 24 Posts
Posted on 11/26/2008 2:02 PM

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Cheating = biggggggggggggg no no *best mother superior lecture look*

As for counseling, even if your wife won't go, you go. It wouldn't hurt and it might help once she sees you going, she might decide to join you.

If counseling is refused - unfortunately you are faced with a decision similar to mine: to stay and make the best of it (i.e., take matters into your own hands, so to speak)...or leave.

You do deserve someone who will be intimate with you, that is a necessary foundation for a solid marriage. Not just the sex part, but the overall intimacy factor. Without it, I don't think a marriage can truly survive, it can only stagnate and make you both miserable.

As to her wish for you to remain in the same bed with her for 'security'. I can't say what the 'right' thing to do would be, but if it were me. I'd buy her a blanket and a dog and tell her when she's ready to be your wife in every way, then you'll share her bed again and until then, let the dog give her comfort, and the blanket her security...just like Linus from the Peanuts (but then I'm a sarcastic b1tch like that) . Marriage is a two way street, it's never all one or the other.

Best of luck,

by delia_M 2861 Posts
Posted on 11/25/2008 11:49 PM

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Don't cheat. If you care the slightest bit about your wife just walk away.

by BrandX 11 Posts
Posted on 11/25/2008 6:25 PM

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NO CHEATING! YOU'LL REGET IT. SET A DATE AND DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF TO TRY TO SAVE THE MARRIAGE. AT THE DATE YOU'VE SET MOVE OUT AND SEE IF SHE RUNS AFTER YOU IF NOT FILE FOR DIVORCE. BUT MAKE SURE SEX IS NOT THE ONLY THING IMPORTANT TO YOU. DON'T LET THAT BE THE REASON " THE ONLY REASON" TO GET A DIVORCE MAYBE SHE HAS A MEDICAL SITUATION. GOOD LUCK!

by DABIGD30 15 Posts
Posted on 11/25/2008 4:21 PM

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I agree with spaz...don't cheat . If you see no other way to fix things then get a divorce...and find someone to love you 100%.

by mtnvly 3539 Posts
Posted on 11/25/2008 3:26 PM

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I totally agree with spaz, but maybe she has a medical problem????? You need to talk to her and get her to open up to you...... Good Luck

by ikey 130 Posts
Posted on 11/24/2008 1:31 PM

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it sounds like shes a narcissist and shes just keeping you around for her needs, cheating doesn't help, run while you can.

by shescold 2 Posts
Posted on 11/23/2008 8:54 PM

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Definitely something going on with your wife.
Root issue behind this type of behavior.
Find a good marriage therapist and get this figured out or move on.

by tmanqz 5 Posts
Posted on 11/14/2008 12:26 AM

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Animator, I have to agree 100% with you! You all need help with this! Cheating is not going to make it better, if
you can't get it together, then best walk away from it! I think counseling for both of you may be the answer...

by kdb 3175 Posts
Posted on 11/13/2008 11:53 PM

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If you really want to save your marriage and you love your wife, then I think marriage counseling would be the best thing to get the lines of communication open and see why she's doing the things she's doing. But of course it takes two to want to make the marriage work and want to go to counseling. You would both have to agree to the counseling and if you don't agree to that, then maybe a trial separation would be in the works. Sounds like she's pretty selfish to me and manipulative and that's not right. Yeah it's not fair to you, but cheating on her is not the answer. If you are thinking of cheating then you might as well file for divorce and get it over with. But I would think deep down and ask yourself do I love her and do I want our marriage to work? Then you can take it from there. It takes two to make a marriage work and if she's not willing to try then you have a lost cause there. Good luck to you.

by freedom 1011 Posts
Posted on 11/13/2008 9:59 PM

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You decide if you love your wife and want to make the marriage work or you walk away. Simple as that. What is happening is not healthy and manipulative.

by demmi 22 Posts
Posted on 11/13/2008 4:36 PM

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I'm sorry. I'm going to be straight with this. This thing is just disfunctional. I think, in my honest opinion, maybe you both should get into counseling. It couldn't hurt.

by Animator 772 Posts
Posted on 11/13/2008 4:28 PM

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Well, sex toys aren't stepping outside of a marriage - and maybe, quite frankly, she gets more pleasure from them than she does from you (sad, but it happens)...if that is the case, then the right thing to do is get divorced, and find someone who enjoys you sexually as well as who you can communicate with.

Cheating isn't the answer. You have more problems than just sex....it's a communication, trust & overall intimacy issue that she doesn't want to address.

It wouldn't be fair to "the other woman" to just be used for sex because you aren't getting it from home, and it is juvenile & wrong to date behind your spouses back until something better comes along.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 11/13/2008 2:32 PM

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