Sadness? Depression? Home-body? after Post Divorce

suz360 - I am going through the EXACT SAME THING with my ex only I was the one who cheat on him and initiated the divorce.  But he is engaged to be married and my 11 year old daughter is doing the same thing with his fiance.  It really doesn't bother me because my daughter is sooooo high maintenance that I really can't afford to be doing those very expensive things with her right now.  So if they want to go broke buying her love, then go right ahead.  I will be at home with my son playing video games and eating popcorn while they are at the mall shopping at Aberocombie and Hollister (yup, she's THAT high maintenance!)  Your daughter will come around and realize what little games they are up to and remember you for who you really are...her mom with an unconditional love that money can't buy.

I never thought anything would hurt as much as my (now ex) husband telling me about his affair. During marriage counseling - he swore he wasn't seeing her anymore - it was just sex --- we divorced and now 2 years after he got caught - he has introduced the kids to his "new girlfriend" who is the OTHER WOMAN. Of course they are going broke trying to buy their love. The kids don't know where she came from. Imagine my pain when my 11 daughter told me that she borrowed the other womans sneakers and that this week they are going to get their nails done - ouch ouch ouch ! Please tell me this pain will subside !!

All thre at once?  Just be prepared for the "Big Three" that are coming i your new life: Christmas, New Years and... Valentine's Day!!! 
Trust me, you will get through the next 90-days and be thankful you have your faithful K-9 to help you... Stay away from Ambein, and Alcohol and keep walking that dog!! Be active, keep moving forward.If you ever get caught up in "those thoughts" of the past in your head... Don't go there alone.. your mind is the last place you want to go alone... Call a friend, blog about it, but Don't go there alone!

Rj

Yes- it and you sound normal . When the kids are gone find something to occupy yourself..maybe make an apple pie? lol. Seriously , it will get easier. Find some friends to hang with, take up a hobby or something. Paint your house while they are gone. Not only will it be good for your mind to stay busy but it is good to see things getting accomplished!

I read somewhere that, with the benefit of hindsight, when it feels like it can't get any worse, it's surely going to get better soon.

You will one day in the near future look back on what you're going through now and be proud of yourself for making it on your own...you'll wonder how you did, but know that you could...and perhaps it'll be true, that that really was the worst of it.

I'm sorry, there's just nothing more to say. Divorce sucks. That's why 'thou shall not commit adultry' is a Commandment.

Crap, my stbx still has my 2 cats at the house. I'll get them back some day.

My problem is that when I found out about my husband being unfaithful, my son overheard me talking and now he knows. I tried to assure him it was not about his father's love for him, but me. however, my son told my daughter and now they will not speak to my ex at all. I have tried numerous ways to get them to call their dad and understand how much he loves them, but they will not budge. Will this change? I honestly need some  time alone and they will not even see him, they are older, 15 and 17

Divorce is very sad, confusing and depressing.  Let yourself grieve for a while but also think of your future, your children, make some goals and keep busy.
Getting the dog is a great way to get out of the house, pets give us reason to continue on, just like our children. Don't forget that your children are suffering also.

Some of us have husbands that want us to suffer and take our kids. Mine did and we are fighting it out. At least I still have my pets. They make me get up and move, or I'll just stay in bed and try to sleep all day and night.

I wish you the best, for all we go through in this life will make us stronger! It will pass and you will be happy again.

Take care.

I am currently still in the process of my divorce. I have my dogs, where would I be without my dogs? I dont think I would be where I am today if it weren't for my dogs. The emotions you are going through are perfectly normal. I feel those things and I am still going through the process.

I am definitely not looking forward to the court date. I am in the sense that it will be done with. I dont know how I will feel when I  have to see him again. Its been 6 months for me and the only times I have had to see him, was for both court dates on his contesting the protection order and his court date for the domestic violence. At those times I felt nothing but indifference towards him. Will I feel the same? I probably will. I dont know.

I want you to know, when you have those feelings running through you--there are other people out there that are on that same roller coaster ride with you. You are not alone.

Bake an apple pie. even if you don't 'believe' in such things-give your dog some too.

I hear that!  My divorce happened so quickly that I find myself now questioning the whole thing.  My brain tells me that I feel this way because of the high emotion level right now.  My heart wants to call her and try to fix things.  

Very unexpected.  Shes been gone for 7 months and only now, when it's done do I feel this way.  Were not bitter and nasty (for the most part) and there is still much love between us, but we both know that "it is what it is".  Just last weekend during a phone conversation I heard a male voice in the background (turned out to be innocent) and the thought was enough to send me over the edge.  Would this be a normal reaction?  It's done, were divorced, do I have the right to be upset?

All in all, I say anyone who is in this position has to feel this way at some level.  For me, I find myself all over the emotional map.  In the beginning it was much easier.  While the legal battle went on, there was purpose, a mission.  Now I'm adrift with no destination.  I feel like she is still "home" and when someone is lost, where do they want to go?

The ups and downs are extreme and really difficult to deal with.  I have gone from being the life of the party to hoping that my phone doesn't ring.  It will get better, that's what they say.  For me, right now.... I'm not so sure.

I walked out on my husband, and it was a hard decision.  A friend had seen it coming for a long time.  I was in the middle of my 2nd semester back in school after a 15 year hiatus.  I was scared, but I knew, in my heart, it was the right decision.  A month later, I got served with divorce papers.  (He was never willing to really talk to me about what was going on with us- still isn't).  Even though I knew it was coming- I cried the day I got those papers.  I called my friend- cause he'd been through all this with me and he told me that reaction is normal. 

Yes, I was the one who left, but even then, getting served hit me hard.  It is a grief process.  I know that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross has a whole book on death and dying (it is a death of sorts, death of a marriage).  It's probably a good book.  But, I found another list I really like, too.  I got it off a cancer survivors website (I was searching for that list from Kubler-Ross when I found this one.  My friend had died from cancer and I was really torn up).  This list is- Numbness, Disorganization and Reorganization.  You are past the numbness and into the disorganization. 

I agree- force yourself do do things!  "Fake it until you make it!" is a great motto.  It's going to take a lot of time.  Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way.  You will come out much stronger in the end!

hello,
 its pretty normal to feel the way you do. i am divorced for almost 8 years and i still feel the same way. i hate it when my kids leave for the weekend to their dads house but i know deep down inside that they need their dad too. but i also hate it because he is married and i always feel that the wife is trying to be their mother. i also feel depressed when they leave, i never leave my house ,i dont have many friends that want to go out either. so i just stay home.i do have 2 dogs that drive me crazy when im home with them. so yeah what you are feeling is normal.

Let me tell you about my kids, Well, I get them every other weekend, and my little girl (2) is fast asleep in "HER" bed, and my five year old son is waiting in my bed, for me to go to sleep. I have enjoyed my day so far. I put off baking cookies, until tomorrow, as my day outside is ruined by the rain. Well, I don't know, but a good trip to Chucky Cheese may be coming. I don't know what to do with the extra money I have now, instead of handing over every dime I had to my stbx. Just remember to do this, always think that one day, they will be able to make their own opinions. All I want is for my kids to say is "It was always happy at Daddy's" Even though, I am hurt, I focus on that.

Never before have my children had the freedom to destroy the living room, but they do now. I know my stbx temper, and she screams at them, but not in my house, she left. I have had such a good day. Cap gun fights, and playing baby dolls. Make sure you give them the freedom to do that, I have seen my kids depressurize, and that helps me. Remember, this other woman took on two more kids, and how long will it be before it breaks her? It does happen, after the new wears off. She will see him for that, and he will once again be alone due to KARMA!

Hey, just get some sleep, if you can. Make your plans over a solitary cup of coffee in the morning. Curl up on the couch, and just chill for a bit.

It is a roller coaster ride.  We are gonna go to the final date in court. When my lawyer advised me the mixed emotions came right back. It felt like the first day she walked out all over again. Keep yourself busy, at least you have your kids with you at all times. I think it is harder on men since they have to adjust alone..

I guess were all in the same boat, at times i don't feel like doing anything, i can't seem to concentrate on anything.I spend a lot of time with my four kids and her young brother, so when she takes the kids I just about needed a break, the only problem is i miss them just a few hrs latter. I am finally getting to the reality that this is really happening for the 4th time, I don't want to ever go trough this again and i never want the kids to eighter. We still live together and get along really well, but its hard to live with someone who could care less about you. Hope things turn out better for all of us soon and remember that you are not alone.

What you are feeling is very normal.  You have to go through all the stages of grief and some come back over and over.  The good thing is that each day things get a little better if you let them.  The hurt becomes less and less.  You start feeling better about you and your situation more and more.  Let go as much as you can.  Try and stay positive.  Stay busy (teach your dog tricks and get on TV!).  You will be fine just keep talking, writing, and in touch with friends.

YES! My husband left me when our son was 8 months old. This was in Feb. He left me for his high school girlfriend (from almost 20 years ago!). We had been together for 13 years and finally started our family. I've had all sorts of fantasies of what our family would be like. The whole pregnancy I dreamed of taking our son to the beach last August to walk in the sand. That was my big fantasy. My husband took his mistress to the beach instead. Talk about devastating. I never got to go to the beach with my son this summer. We're also 3 months behind in the mortgage and he's living with her in their 4 br townhouse that she is paying for. She has two young children and my husband goes on and on about what a great mother she is and how much our son loves her children. How her children are on the honor roll (they're 6 and 7 years old! I've never heard of honor roll for kindergarten and 1st grade) Meanwhile i'm home alone on July 4th, Halloween and now Thanksgiving. While my husband and son spend the holidays with her. It's maddening. My son is my happiness and is what gets me through this. He is such a happy boy. I worry that this will change him. I have days that I can't stop crying. Why? He is a loser! he's broke/in massive debt, immoral, cruel, callous, emotionally stunted, narcissistic, in poor health, and stupid. I know I'm too good for him...and yet I'm devastated. You're not alone. I can't wait until I'm over this!