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...I'm going to assume that you, like most of us, won't have the strength to stay away but will come back to see what the effects of your actions are, especially since your actions were so dramatic and aggressive.
I just watched you delete all your wall-postings in real-time, months of loving support burned because you didn't like the responses you got to your most recent blog.
You are out of control and need serious help. You clearly suffered either serious abuse or neglect as a child, and your emotional life is a wreck. Therapy can really, really help that. I know because it has helped me.
You will continue to suffer and hurt because you have deep unmet needs that no one else will ever fill. The pain of your current situation is bad enough as is, but it is even worse in your case because it aggravates pre-existing wounds.
Your method for handling the pain you felt at everyone's response to your blog is incredibly unhealthy and is keeping you in a very, very dark place. Your unhealthy coping strategies are destroying your life and will continue destroying it until you recognize that they aren't working and abandon them in favor of healthy strategies. Therapy can help you do that.
You are not being victimized by the world, but by your own demons, and you need to make the adult decision to deal with those demons. Make an adult decision to care for the hurting child you still carry around within you--the decisions you have been making only hurt that child more and isolate him further.
I really hope you seek the help you need. Life is so much better after you do--I speak from experience.
Best Regards,
-A
Chris - I've watched you from the beginning - Lenn is actually right on target, I did it before and I'll continue to say it, you need help serious mental help.
This is not being said to you by so many people because they don't care - it's actually quite the opposite. No doubt you probably had a few choice words for me for my answer to your "to hell with everyone" blog, alas, I never got to see it because you deleted them. You are totally out of control - and I'm going to guess that the person who set you off, who chose to end their friendship with you, that is a big reason - you are far too out of control for most people to handle, especially when they are dealing with problems of their own. Do you want your child to grow up learning how to handle situations the way you are handling things in your life right now? With anger, avoidance and lashing out? It's OKAY to admit you are broken and need help to get fixed. People have broken from far less than you have endured the past few years alone...you aren't weak Chris, lost, but not weak. If you don't teach your child by example that when things are going out of control it is okay to get help, then where is that going to leave her as an adult, what life skills are you setting for her right now? I really hope you stop being so stubborn and get the help you need. And that is said out of deep concern and caring for you.