He wants the divorce ( I need to vent instead of cry)

Counseling would be good, but I wouldn't bet the farm on the success of counseling unless he sincerely want to try to reconcile the marriage by actively participating in counseling. Your situation is similar to mine. We met when I was 19. We dated for a while and lived together for 12 years. I worked and went to school throughout our time together. We never officially married and we never had children together. He cheated on me and lied to my face about it. I have no idea how long he cheated. I have no idea how much of out time together was a farce. I just believe if someone is not being genuine with their partner when the other partner is being genuine, then you have a one-sided relationship. What kind of relationship is that? What kind of role model would he be for your children? Is was one thing when I thought my ex was being genuine and I thought that he was actively working on improving our relationship in counseling. Once I found out how much he was lying to me. Once I found out about how he had betrayed my by carrying on a relationship with one woman whom I actually talked to. All of my trust in him was gone at that point. Not only did he betray me as a lover and a life partner, but more importantly he betrayed me as a friend and as a fellow human being on the planet with him. I could clearly see that I was just a toy or just an object to him. He thought that he could just take me off of the shelf and play with me every once and a while but them play with his other toys too. I think that I am more than an object. I deserve better treatment and I deserve a partner with more character and more compassion for others than what he gave me. I want respect and for someone to be truely present with me, even if the present isn't pretty. I just hope that you end up getting the respect you deserve, because it means a lot to spend that much time with someone, to raise your children and to trust someone the way you have trusted your ex.

i think you should try counseling - either with him (if not too late) or without him. It works. If nothing else, consider talking to someone (priest, therapist, etc) alone about you and your feelings and getting your life back and on track. keep us posted!