Query: What makes a woman passionate about a man?????

Here is my suggestion, since it sounds like you both want it.  I read about it on the internet.  It sounds like it might work.  Explorative Touching.  The point is NOT to orgasm.  The point is almost meditation.  First, RELAX.  Light candles, put on soft music with no lyrics, get rid of any distrations, and RELAX.  She can be dressed, or clothed.  Have her lay on her back, with her eyes closed and LOOK at her.  No touching, just LOOK with your eyes.  From the feet to the head.  TELL her what you love about her.  Only positive things.  It's not supposed to be dirty, but HONEST.  Now touch her.  Lightly.  With the barest bredth of your fingertips, touch her.  Touch all of her, her toes, the palms of her hands, her stomache, nose, ears, throat, lips, touch her.  Use different parts of your hand, there are different textures of skin, use the back of your hand, fingertips, the palm of your hand.  How is she reacting.  Is her breathing changing?  Use different ways to touch.  Tap, poke, pinch, rub, anything you want.

The important thing about it is that there is NO expectation of SEX and NO expectation of orgasm, this is exploration.  You should be sure to have about an hour or more to do this.  And not just you, she should do it to, it is a bonding scenario, some people call it spiritual sex.  If you go to about.com you will find more on it. 

Good luck.

Money?

HORMONES!!!!!
Trust me on this.  I am not saying it to be funny by any extent of the imagination.  Have her see her doctor or Ob/Gyn.  She may be going through the "change".  It can happen at any age- I was in my twenties, my mother in her 30's, my grandmother in her 40's. 
If it's not hormones, then it's boredom.  The same ole thing, she knows your every move, you know hers.  It's more mechanical now, almost like a chore to do it, then it is fun to do it.  Spice it up.  Bring in toys, do it blindfolded, watch a video, do it outside on the trampoline or in the bed of your truck.  TRY anything out of the ordinary.
Life and love making are about excitement.  If you want more or better action in bed, then give her action away from home.
Take her hiking, amusement parks, skydiving, shopping.  Anything at all that excites HER in a non sexual way.  And enjoy doing it together!  Don't complain about it or mope around while out together.  She will pick up on this as your way of doing it to just to shut her up, NOT that you WANT to be there WITH HER.  There is a big difference that men don't understand about us.  When we ask you to go and do something WITH us, that is what we mean.  We want YOU there, heart, body and soul.  NOT just the physical being of you.   Then when you guys get home, she'll be putty in your hands :)  
Try it and best of luck !

I hope all of the good advice helps, but honestly....having been there--it was me that had to make the decision.  I would love for him to be what I imagined in my head that I now needed, but that is not reality.  I had to deal with personal issues, and chose to remember what made me feel that way in the first place.  There are many days when I struggle....mostly when he opens his mouth!! lol  If I take a moment to remember the man I fell madly for--a memory that gave me butterflies, then I start to feel those little sparks.

It has helped me to refocus when divorce seemed imminent.  I stop taking in all of the crap, and start remembering the good.  It can only help if you are both committed to trying to work it out.  Otherwise, it is just  a very temporary fix.  I let the problems in our marriage keep me from seeing him in the way I used to, so I had to find a way to "see" the him that I was crazy about.  If that is the case for you,  when you see her trying.....be patient, it is not always easy for us to let go of the baggage we have carried for so long.

lack of interest in sex is also the first sign of depression. you should look in to  the symptoms before it gets out of control. good luck and god bless.

I know you've received a bunch of great advise on here already from everyone else. I agree with showing love, respect and interests of your partner.  I've been on the side where the desire wasn't there.  I was a young mother, stayed at home, and tended to the house while my husband worked.  He told me I was beautiful and sexy and made all the right moves... but it did nothing for me.  Then on one of his days off he spent it with the kids, cleaned the house and made supper.  He PLAYED with the kids, CLEANED the house and COOKED supper.  That did it for me.  I had no clue up until that point what was wrong with me... That day I realized that I was completely exhausted from chasing four kids and doing all the cleaning and cooking every single day that I didn't want intimacy.  It was the simple things that made me so attracted to him.. it was those simple things that made it impossible for him to finish cooking dinner because I was dragging him into the bedroom!

The thing that makes me passionate about a man is his sense of humor mixed with intelligence.  I find that when a man is passionate about something and can speak about it intelligently- that is the biggest turn on.  Of course- the sense of humor helps, too.  Being able to carry on a conversation with me is so important to me.  Not only would I read the Five Love Languages bookm but I'd also suggest the one by Willard Harley- His Needs, Her Needs.  THAT one is VERY insightful.

I'd have to say that I agree with everyone on here about passion--I think it is the thoughtfulness of the spouse, intimacy, playfulness, basically caring about your feelings and showing that you care--not just sex either just a real good passionate kiss, touching the other person in an affectionate way that doesn't have to be a sexual touch either, just a caring, loving touch.  I guess what I'm trying to say is actions speak louder than words.  Of course it's hard when you have been together for a long time and you need to up the spark in the bedroom, you need to open your mind to all the possibilities in the bedroom.  The problem with my ex and I in the bedroom was we did the same thing every time--didn't spice it up and it got boring--got to the point where I was like--I don't even want to bother to have sex--because it's not a turn on to me anymore, not worth the effort!!  I saw a show not too long ago on tv that talked about how men need to learn how a woman's body reacts when a man is touching them or having sex, they talked to this married couple and I think they were only married like 7 rys and they said the spark went out in the bedroom and wanted to know what to do about it, they told them that the husband needs to learn where his wife's G-spot is (I know TMI), but every woman's spot is in a different area, and also what excites her, there are many different spots on a woman that excites her before you even get to the sex part.  It all made sense to me--but I also feel like if the guy is making that much of an effort to figure these things out--then the woman needs to put forth the same effort and figure out-okay what turns my man on and how can I pleasure him also!!  I commend you for trying to make it work and not running for the hills!!  Good luck to you and I hope you figure out how to make things work out.  Like they said on here sometimes menopause can effect the hormone level to, and I think they have creams and pills out now for women to help that a bit...never know that could work!! Good luck!

Here goes.

Personally I tend to be passionate about Dominance. Confidence is sexy, cocky is a bore. I love being talked to during love play. Openness, lack of inhibitions, willingness and ability to explore sexually. Who is normally the aggressor? Tried switching roles? Tried a little roleplay in the bedroom? Toys? Sorry to speak bluntly, but I don't know what has or has not been tried. Something else to consider, yes there is such a thing as trying too hard. I know it doesn't seem like it, but when a guy tries so hard to make his woman climax, she may feel pressure - performance anxiety. I know, people think only men suffer this. Not true! I myself have experienced this in past relationships. Having my partner focus soooooo much on my 'orgasm', makes me feel undue pressure, and basically kills any chance of me achieving the ultimate release.
If this has only occurred in the last couple of years, have you considered the possibility of a medical relation? I don't know her age, but many women approaching or in their middle age can sometimes manifest sexual difficulty via thyroid problems, personality disorders, peri-menopause (early menopause which is NOT normal but CAN be treated).

what makes me passionate about a man is his thoughtfulness, his willing to let us be close and cuddle without him expecting sex every time I touch him. I love it when he gives me enough space to honestly be" too tired" when I really am and not getting all mad about it.  I like being taken out to a nice dinner and a movie every now and then and being respected. Passion for me comes from the heart and it's being able to talk about things without a heated argument. I think that passion is different for each one of us but I think taking it one step at a time and not moving in too fast may also work. I wish you the best...I wished that my ex would have stopped long enough to try this hard.

Thanks again to everyone for their insightful comments!  KV, I have a question for you.  Once the respect (the woman towards the man) and shared vision is gone, can it be rebuilt?  Also, my wife just told me that I was "trying too hard"  How can that be possible?

INTIMACY.  Of course love... respect.... understanding....blah blah blah.  But it is completly possible to be intmant with out sex. Thats when you love, laugh talk and share it all. The secrets, hopes and fears.   Thats how you rebuild and rekindle.  Alot of us women are freaks that can not function with out it.  We can love and yet not have sex with a person with out having that higher level.  Why not take it easy, flirt, talk and re learn eachother and put sex off to the side for a bit. All else just may fall into place and with more intensity.

 GOOD LUCK!!

Is there a medical reason why she can't? I mean, if everything else is there, maybe she needs to visit her doctor.

I have been married 13 years and the thing that made me lose passion for him was the little things. He stopped thinking about us and only started thinking of himself. He stopped showing affection over the years. I honestly think he just didn't care anymore.

Man, I wish I could help you; I wish I knew how. I'm separated 4 months now out of the home. I am clueless. Good luck with you.

You have to want to be in the relationship.  Love overlooks alot.  Passion forgives alot.  In the beginning of a relationship, there is so much potential that you see in that person that the other stuff (bad habits or annoying traits) gets overlooked.  The love you feel and the connection you feel keep you engaged and you see yourself moving towards something great that only the two of you share.  As a woman, I think the connection gets lost when you grow and you feel like that person isn't growing with you (or is hindering your growth- even if they don't know they're doing it) and then the respect starts to go, the love dwindles, and, although you can think someone's "great", you no longer see the adventures of your  life being had with that person.  Now all of it is a choice.  I think that's key.  It's a choice but, as a woman, the connection goes when the respect and shared vision go.

What makes me passionate about a man is that I can see him wanting to be with me. That he is willing to put me above what I know is important to him. (not every time but at least every once in a while) Another thing is that he can make me feel like a woman in bed and not a mother or servant. I want excitement and love in the bedroom, and still respect each other. I want him to allow me to explore him. Tell me what is good for him.

For myself, once the perceived respect had diminished, that was it.  I no longer had any desire for him.  The sex was never that great to begin with. I thought all couples have their problems, and this would be one of ours.  Which I did not let come between us, until the respectful feeling was gone. At that point it became a cycle. I did not feel sensual towards him, because of the way he treated me. He would act disrespectful, because he was angry and confused that I didn't want sex. And so on.  I agree, with most women, sexual feelings begin in our heads.  I think my mother-in-law said it best.  She told my stbx, when we got married: the way you treat your wife, in life; is the way she will treat you, in bed.

Wow  That is  Pretty much  what I have been trying to tell my  husband.  Not  sex  Love Romance  that feeling.  I  no longer have  it with him for him , Yet I want it bad.
For me , he and i had  SO many  problems  His abusive words and hands, I forgave the abusive hands ,  Yet the words  will not leave my head or my heart. If he could mend  what he broke  verbally  there  may be hope. Thus could be her problems  also if you & she have said  salt wound words to each other.  It is hard to undo what  has been done Romance her again  like you did  way  back when.
I hope  this helps.
AuntBirdy

Like everyone has said, it is different for everyone. What does it for me is touching. Don't only touch me when you want to have sex. Share your thoughts and feelings with me. Let me share mine. Do things with me not because they are what you want all the time, do something occasionally  because you think I might like it once in a while. Yes, do your part around the house, not because I expect a maid but so that I can see that it is a partnership and that we are taking care of each other, and frankly so I have some energy left over when it comes time to go to bed. Humor is good as well, we all have to be able to relax sometimes and just have fun. Hope this helps...

lgoodgal, I went to the five languages of love website and it is great.  Check it out people. 
etrain17, thank you for your response.  
I think it is wonderful that you are working on your marriage, your wife needs to realize how lucky she is that you are welling to go to counseling.
I begged Paul for 2 years to go with me, I am still going, he went after he threw me out, but quit. 
I wish you both the best of luck. I think you have gotten some really good feedback from everyone. 
Good luck to you both.

I commend you both for putting the kind of effort you are towards your marriage as well.

What I can contribute is that you are both going to counceling...has she thought of having her hormones tested.  I don't know how old she is..wether is is peri-menopausal or pre-menopausal..has a history for hysterectomy or what....but I can tell you that my libodo dropped of the earth ..and my husbad kept saying you have no passion for me...and I would respond...it's not you ...i have no desire for anything....at all..

Subsequently, I found out that I am in adrenal fatique...probabably brought on from working graveyard for so many years...a missing ovary (from past surgery) and ovaries produce testosterone...which produces libido....so...I would suggest she have a good work up on her hormones to see if she is lacking or if some sort of supplementation could help there....

I pray that you both get through this together...you sound like a great husband to her.

s.

 

 

Lisababy, I'll tell you what I want in a woman anyway.  I want someone who loves me for who I am, tells me when I'm not giving her what she needs and is interested in learning what is important to me.  
Telling me what she needs is the biggest thing.  We are not mind readers, although I think I need to learn to LISTEN a little more.

jhs, sorry for digressing...

I'm going to go check out the website lgoodgal mentioned.  See ya all in a bit.

I am so happy to read about two people who are trying to keep their marriage alive.
Blessings and best wishes to you.
I hope that spark ignites and keeps on burning for many more years...

I dogpiled The Five Love Languages
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

There is a quick 30-second quiz to find out your love language.
I was also happy to see there is a book for singles as well as couples...
There are tabs to click into:
30-second assessment
Learn the Five Languages
Relationship issues
Books
Events
Real Stories
Media
About Gary

There is also - Advice from Dr. Chapman
For Couples
For Singles
For Families
For Ministers
For Counselors
For Military Personnel
For the Workplace

Thanks for mentioning this book...