desperate house wife needs answers

well i finally did it l left my husband its been 10 days the 1st couple of days i was ok with it but then the 3rd day my kids started asking for him and i some what miss him but i dont understand why if i dont love him nomore and i want to accept him back but for what? it gets me mad because at his mom house hes acting like the victim and all his family are calling me and telling me to not look for him. but how cant i look for him if hes the father to the kids......????????

I have a couple of posts (the same post with different titles) about a book titled Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay

One is in a blog and the other is located in Groups under Should I Stay or Should I Go.

I wish you the best in your decision. This is a difficult spot to be in. This book will help You make the decision because no one can make it for you.

I like what Spartans Granny says.

Good luck

Debbie, the question should not be "what should i do?", but "what do I want to do?"  At some point, you have to look at what is best for Debbie.  It sounds like you're emotionally and mentally alone, despite being married.  you have to ask yourself is this the example of love and marriage that I want to show my children?

my granny use to say, "I can do bad by myself, so why do I need or want your help"

This is a great place for support, friends, and advice.  People here have helped me through some tough times and I'm positive they can / will help you too.

Debbie~
I was married for 30 yrs. My stbxh cheated on me 15 years ago, and I wanted to work it out for my childrens sake. Now 15 yrs later, kids are grown and married, he did it again 8 mos ago and I filed.
My kids were still effected as adults, so I would say....Don't try to save it for the kids....Once a cheater, always a cheater...

Get your divorce, get child support and maintence if you can, and get on with your life sweetie!

 

Terri

Staying with him like this will not teach your kids what a marriage should be.  Look into counseling.  If not marriage counseling, just do it for yourself.  Don't stay just for the kids.  You will be better off not worrying about him and just worry about yourself and being happy.  Good Luck to you!

The Question I hear you saying is "What should I do?"... Do you know what you want? Put the kids aside for a minute. What does "Debbie" want?

Write your thoughts down and state your facts. Then,book an appointment with your husband and schedule a date away from your kids and you two either "talk it out, or hug it out".... but stop "sleep walking" through life and parenting your kids. They know what's going on, trust me...
 
If you can't get past his infidelity then say it to him. just remember that there wil be two sides to every story and you may not want to hear the "stuff" he pulls on your role in the failed relationship. It's like a Cold War, you build a bomb, he builds two, you build three, he builds four. you have enough to blow down the whole nieghborhood...
I'm not taking sides or stating you are something different.. all I know is that it takes a lot more courage and committment to forgive a spouse and create a new marriage than it does to walk away from one.

It's not healthy for you to live in your own stuggles dealing with the hurt, especially if it was associated with a close friend. If you both agree to counseling and decide to "drop the weapons of mass distruction" for a committed time, then I would say you did your family and marriage a favor by giving it a shot. But set a date and time to drop the hurt and give "hope" a chance.