Would You Have Stayed If...

well at that time I was so much in love I would have satyed because my azz apperently was to dumb to listen to my gut. But if I knew what  I know now wellllll then I would play the lottery after I divorced her.

I should of left sooner. Mental illness is a tough one to deal with and on top of it his negative attitude.  I should have run for the hills the day he did not drive my to the hospital.  He was a jerk and still is.   Therapy would have never worked, he was checked out mentally years ago.....strange one. Cupcake can him and ALL his drama.

I left because she wanted the divorce. I'd go back if she said she realized she was wrong and just said I'm sorry and meant it. I don't understand why people think that marriages are just suppose to work just because you got married. But then I've always been an oblivious kind of person.

Mine came at the consultation meeting with the lawyer, I asked if we could fight for mandatory counseling and make this thing go away.  She said I could but since my stbxw had taken the step to serve me with divorce papers what would stop her from doing it after the counseling was over.  I actually replied aha.

I would have and should have left a long time ago once I kept seeing his cheating and that his words of wanting to work things out didn't mean anything. His actions spoke louder than his words. I wasted alot of time, and honestly, I loved that man so much and I wished that things had been different for us.

It's amazing how, deep down inside, you always know; there's that inkling of something that tells you "Things just aren't right."  The bottom line, for me, was when I realized 2 things:
1) That he didn't really love me
2) He didn't really love himself enough to change

Those 2 things were my lightbulb moment and when you have those 2 bits of information, you know that the only thing you can do is take the journey you were meant to take in life and, for me, that was without him.  Thanks everyone for your responses!

Kassandra

I most definately would have stayed, but was his choice for me to leave! I wanted counseling, offered to try to make changes, but he has never said what needed changing! Unfortunately, I am still hoping for us to work things out. I just pray I am not holding on to a pipe dream!

I would have left loooong time ago.  I've never been happy with him so why should I stick it out for more of the same.  I can't figure out why I even married him except for the stability.  Turns out I never had that either.  I don't know why I'm with him.  He disgusts me at this point and I just can't wait for this crazy ride to be over.  Sorry for being so blunt.

Yes I would have stayed if counseling would have worked..if he would have "divorced " his mommy, tried with my kids, helped with the household duties( I worked, he didn't and I handled all the chores) . I loved him even after the divorce but ..had I have known it would have ended in divorce..I would have ended it sooner. We attempted to reconcile for 2 years after he left but made no progress.
The light bulb came on one night he was at my house and we were trying to talk. I worked for his mother ( a manipulative control freak) and was trying to talk to him about my frustrations..he covered his ears and said he could not listen to what I was saying.) I knew then...and filed that week.
I will also say that he is bipolar and some of what he dealt with could not be helped. But he would not stay on meds, his mother manipulated this...and would not try to manage his illness. So that was that.
Thank you for the well thought out questions btw!

I'd have to say no on this one.  My ex cheated on me with a tramp he met at work and he's still with her, but it won't last long.  I found out in October of last year about the affair and we divorced in March of this year, but I think if he would have come back to me on his hands and knees begging for me to take him back--I would have said no way.  The reason I say this is because he left me 10 yrs ago and walked out of my son and I (at the time--now we have 2 sons), but I sold the house got an apartment for me and my son and started to really love life again--after going thru hell and depression from him leaving me high and dry--I was stupid enough to take him back the first time he begged--you can fool me once--but you won't fool me twice.  So I'd have to say no, not even if he said he would change and it wouldn't happen again, because he'll never change and once a cheat always a cheat.  I could never trust him again if I went back with him.  I wouldn't want to go thru that again or put my kids thru that again either.

KV,

My situation, I think, was different than some.  I had two young sons, my stbx was having an affair with someone I thought was a friend.

My stbx drank like a fish, and her boyfriend couldn't read.  I was told on Christmas Day '96 to "Leave, maybe I'll miss you".

I went to three attorneys, and each one told me the same thing.  I'd lose my sons, I'd lose my house, I'd be paying support for 12 years, and my sons would probably have a pretty tough life.

There was no way I wanted this other man in my son's life.  I swallowed every ounce of my pride and made every effort to make it work. 

She's having an affair now with her boss.  It didn't work.

Anyway, I said that to say this.  If I had no children at the time, I would have left in '97 without another thought.  Now my sons are away at college, I've had enough, I'm done.  My aha moment was when we went to my next door neighbors son's 1st birthday party.  My stbx drank a bottle of vodka and made an ass of herself.  as usual....