Emotional Abuse

when a marriage is falling apart - it's pretty common for both spouses to be able to claim this - hense why "emotional abuse" is not much of a factor in divorce proceedings.

You have to look at it as the fact she is communicating with you that she is unhappy with how she feels she is being treated, and instead of deflecting it by saying "well you do it too"...be more aware of what you do, and it may lead to her not countering it with the same behavior.

Interesting "quiz"; let's see...

Can't discuss what's bothering you? Yes

Frequent criticism, etc.? Yes

Ridicule for self-expression? Sometimes, leaning toward Yes.

Isolation? Yes (tried, anyway...friends "won")

Run up debts? No, leaning towards sometimes.

Relationship swing? No; just lots of emotional distance.

Obligatory sex? Yes.

Trapped? Yes (but not anymore)

Afraid? Sometimes.

9 questions, 5 Yes, 2 No, and 2 Sometimes. I think my STBX's tally would be similar, just with different responses to several questions.

What's your "score"? I just wondered; but it really doesn't matter. I suggest what matters is what the "score" would be if you answer these questions as though you were her. In other words, put yourself in her shoes (or look at yourself in the mirror, if you like that analogy better) and answer for her based on your perception of what's been going on between you.

That "score" matters. Just be honest with yourself when you go through the exercise.

If it's high in "yes" answers, you know you have some control-related issues, and have identified what they are.

But if it's not high in "yes" answers, you have a communication problem. She's receiving things you aren't intentionally transmitting.

Either way, you've identified something to work on, either communication or some aspects of your attitude and behavior.

Best wishes in figuring it all out!

OMG!  I can answer yes to most of those questions when it comes to my STBX.  No, you are not a bad guy.  I do think, though, when it comes to a point in a relationship that neither side feels there is any hope, it is dead.  Yes, this is very, very sad.  It's also, unfortunately, all too common. 

I think our culture teaches it has to be good all the time and it has to be good NOW!  No one seems willing to work on a relationship anymore.  At least this is what I felt with my STBX.  I felt, espcially towards the end, that he just wanted what he wanted and to heck with trying to figure out what I needed.  He did make the comment one time that he was jealous of my friendships.  I told him it was because I cultivated those relationships by talking to and spending time with my friends.  He was not willing to put that much effort into keeping our relationship alive.