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  Posted to group - Should I Stay or Should I Go    <<Previous    Next>>

Is it wrong to stay in a marriage when you know you don't love your spouse?

We have 3 kids. I don't love my wife. I married her because I knew not marrying her after living together would cause her so much pain and embarrassment I couldn't bear to cause it. Clearly, the kids are better off in a home with a mom and a dad, as long as the fighting is under control, and we give some visual queues of love that they can learn from. I fake it well, believe me, with gifts, smiles, hugs, kisses. But I don't say I love you, because it seems saying it makes the lie worse. Do I owe it to my wife to tell her I don't love her, so that she could find someone that really does love her? Or is it better to let the kids grow up in a family unit and then when they go to college we split up to live the rest of our lives? Kids are not relationship glue. What I am wondering now is whether the Golden Rule should apply. If she didn't love me, I'd want to know.
by paradox   29 Posts 
Posted on 12/19/2007 1:17 PM
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Answers for "Is it wrong to stay in a marriage when you know you don't love your spouse?"  (14) (You must be logged in to answer)
I think every couple that marries owes it to one another to try couseling before divorcing....talk to her....i know you said you never loved her to begin with but who knows maybe if you sit down and talk to her you two could start something fresh and new and who knows, maybe you could fall in love with her instead of throwing it all away only to start a new life completely over....the grass is not always greener on the other side....and if it is....maybe its b/c its sitting on top of a septic tank!  I say....think about it and talk to her first!
by SKelly   189 Posts
Posted on 7/27/2008 12:43 AM
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I totally agree with everyone else. If you're staying together just for the kids, you are actually hurting them in the long run, and eventually they will just end up hating both of you. Obviously you loved this woman at some point of your life, otherwise your children would not be here. I totally understand that you don't want to embarass her, but in reality you are insulting her intelligence if you just fake love for the sake of your children alone. Be an adult, make a decision whether it be to stay, or go, but be a man and stand behind it no matter what.
by hottie   3 Posts
Posted on 7/27/2008 12:13 AM
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paradox, I am in similar situation. I feel like the last year or more I tried to tell myself this guy isn't "that bad" and I should see this marriage through for the sake of our son....who already has so many issues. But at the end of 2007 I really started to take stock & really go through all the possible scenarios of what it would be like in the "aftermath". A lot of what I read says you should really think a lot about this to see if you can decide the split would be of benefit or not. Even beyond that I start to realize a lot of why I am staying is out of guilt and a feeling of responsibility to him and my son. I am tired of feeling like that and would rather be alone and miserable then to live with someone at the same time of feeling alone and miserable.
by jesszula   255 Posts
Posted on 1/14/2008 10:19 AM
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Hi Bethe...not sure if you're insinuating I am cheating on my wife with those refrences to "what is hiding within." I am not cheating on her. I thought I was doing the right thing marrying her, and keeping my family together. But I am so miserable doing the "right thing" I may in fact be doing what others have suggested, being selfish when it may be better to just go.
by paradox   29 Posts
Posted on 1/9/2008 12:38 PM
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