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   Posted to group - Difficult Ex's    <<Previous    Next>>

Running Scared

I dated one man a year after my break-up with ex boyfriend that I lived with for 12 years and dated for 18 years. The man that I dated, I actually dated him for a year. Now I'm feeling like I should try dating again. When men approach me at a party, I get very nervous at the idea of being with them alone. I'm very outgoing and have never had social anxiety. My ex was very controlling and towards the end was physically and emotionally abusive. I guess I'm just afraid that I'll be in a similar situation. It feels strange to be afraid. I love male companionship. I don't want this to keep me from meeting someone who could become someone special in my life.
by angelhead    17 Posts   
Posted on 12/18/2007 7:58 PM    
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Tags: Not normally shy

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Answers for "Running Scared"  (6) (You must be logged in to answer)
Thank you all for your wonderful advice. I am going to try group dates or double dates until I feel more comfortable. I have been going to therapy even before my break-up in 2005. I've improved a lot. I'm just now starting to feel more like myself, than I have since 2005. This last weekend, I went to 3 Christmas parties and danced and talked to several men at each party. But, I felt comfortable also because there were always my friends at each of those parties. We were not all alone at any of them. We'll see how it goes. In the meantime, I carry pepper spray with me in my purse everyday and test it before I leave the house everyday. I'll be ready just in case.
by angelhead   17 Posts
Posted on 12/20/2007 1:02 AM
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Good idea Nichola. Can I give you 1 cent and pretend it was my idea first? ;) I would recomend what ever you do, keep the dates casual at first. group settings, inexpensive occasions, even going dutch, to keep anybody from feeling any kind of "obligation." The object is "Light and friendly."
by Robert-Boyd   2783 Posts
Posted on 12/19/2007 3:27 PM
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I agree with everyone here so far, but wanted to add my two cents. :-) I can understand your feelings.. maybe if you start going on dates keep then as double or group dates. You will be able to start to see part of a potential boyfriend's personality. When you are ready.. then go on the "just you and him" dates. Above everything else.. go with that still small voice (or your gut feeling).. you will know what is right for you
by Nichola   23 Posts
Posted on 12/19/2007 7:07 AM
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I agree with Bea4. Not all guys are jerks. Of course I'm biased too...but you can ask MyUnwife I'm--ok, ask anybody BUT her. I'm a nice guy. but that's not really my point. My point is that there are other guys out there who are nicer than me. Keep positive, believe in yourself, and you'll attract them. Trust me.
by Robert-Boyd   2783 Posts
Posted on 12/18/2007 8:45 PM
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Not all guys are bad and actually most are pretty decent. You will find a man that respects you as long as you respect yourself. Hang in there.
by Bea4   406 Posts
Posted on 12/18/2007 8:40 PM
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You may need counseling to get past this hurdle. I can understand why you would be afraid. "Once bitten, twice shy" they say. Maybe you're not ready yet.
by Lori-Woodall   520 Posts
Posted on 12/18/2007 8:32 PM
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